Socks

From Egs Mayhem

The neutrality of this article is disputed.

Mod's Note: From now on, please only edit the subsection that most describes yourself. Feel free to put up subsections which defend the views of one of the groups below, but don't sabotage the other sides' expression of their own ideology, you filthy sock-loving heathens.

"Their only goal is to hold your soul, and be crushed beneath your heel."

Contents

Invention:

Socks were invented when primitive men living in climes too cold for them decided to go outside in the snow. They killed animals, skinned them, and wrapped them around their feet. This was in the bad old days, before anyone knew how to TF themselves into a catkin to keep warm.

Also, they're evil.

You read it. Socks are bad. Don't wear 'em, or the Owl will use you for legwarmers.

Few notice that if their feet are pale and stunted, it is because they have not been exposed to light and air and hot and cold. Few notice that if their feet are smelly, it is because they have been trapped and forced to bathe in their own sweat for hours upon end. Few realize that if their feet hurt when walking barefoot across an icy gravel road it is because they have had the ability to function normally slowly leeched out of them by years of captivity. The Sock Empire will make its next move soon. It will be slow, it will be subtle, it will be widely unremarked-upon. But it will weaken humanity just a little bit more. And the next move will weaken us further, and the next, and finally the day will come when we are too weak to do anything at all. Except, of course, manufacture socks.

But, Some people say they're good.

  • A spokesman for the completely nonexistent Sock Empire is quoted as saying that when in shoes, feet will get sweaty whether or not socks are worn, but only without socks will the shoes truly stink to high heaven. When shoes are not worn, socks can still help with the wicking away of sweat, preventing yucky clamminess.
  • This "spokesman" was, of course, taken in by the Sock-planted idea that shoes should be worn at all. The fact that shoes are unpleasant without socks is entirely by design of the Sock Empire, for shoes are their creation.
  • So, at least, replied a spokesman for the anti-sock faction, who refused to take questions on broken glass, pointy rocks, or his shares in foot deodorant manufacturers.

If they had any REASONING to back that up, it might go here. IF, that is, they had it. Nyah.

Mm, toasty-warm toes and no hairballs necessary. Plus, did you ever try going hiking without proper socks and boots?
Have you ever attempted to walk across a cold stone floor in the middle of winter in a basement in bare feet? Or loose gravel, regardless of temperature? Hurts like hell, in my opinion. Socks deserve the utmost respect, they won't take over the world. Verizon Wireless, on the other hand....
I frequently walk on loose (well, somewhat loose) gravel in bare feet, including hot gravel under the blazing sun at the height of summer. It isn't precisely comfortable, but feet are quite capable of handling it if used to going about unprotected.

Sock Supporters

These fellows support the great, movable feet warmers. The truth of the socks awesomeness shall reign down from the heavens!

Anti-Sock Activists

These poor fools fight an uphill battle against overwhelming odds. They strive for a day when all the world shall let their toesie-wosies breathe, finally escaping the prison imposed by the oppressive tyranny of archaic foot-coverings which have (for far, far too long) kept them from feeling the cool grass that is FREEDOM!

Bunnies Who Don't Like Wearing Socks All The Time, Preferring to Go Barefoot When The Opportunity Presents Itself, But Who Don't Actively Oppose Them (BWDLWSATTPtGBWTOPIBWDAOT)

These poor fools are fully aware that socks are evil, but aren't willing to go to the lengths of battling them, preferring to "live and let live", and even occasionally allowing the cloying taint of the Sock Empire to cling to their own feet in the name of "peace".

Rather than cling foolishly to a simplistic ideology, the Bunnies Who Don't Like Wearing Socks All The Time, Preferring to Go Barefoot When The Opportunity Presents Itself, But Who Don't Actively Oppose Them recognise the advantages of both air and warmth to the "Toesie-wosie" regions, as well as the dangers of frostbite, cheesy feet, calluses and fashion-police hit-squads. They are cynical about the existence of the so-called Sock Empire, and openly mock proponents of the Toasty-warm Comfy New World.

Bunnies Who Wear Socks When They Wear Shoes, But Otherwise Prefer Barefoot When Wearing Sandals Or Not Wearing Shoes (BWWSWTWSBOPBWWSONWS)

It should be noted that to wear socks with sandals is a capital crime whose sentence may be carried out by the fashion police, without need for fair trial, military tribunal or chance to plea for mercy. The following list is therefore mostly notable for its barefoot aspect.

Bunnies Who Face Derision, Exile, or Worse From Both Sides For Their Habit of Wearing Socks with Both Shoes and Sandals, but Going Barefoot Often For a Specific Purpose (BWFDEOWFBSFTHOWSWBSASBGBOFASP)

These bunnies take no stand in the Sock Wars, for good reason. Their habit of routinely wearing socks earns them no love from the Anti-Sock activists, their tendency to often go barefoot gets no friends among the sock supporters, and their habit of wearing sandals and socks together (especially in the cold) drives even the centrists into a witch-hunting frenzy (Frenzy claims no responsibility). These bunnies, however, tend to be left alone, as they are practitioners of the Iron Sole martial art, where the practitioner gets callused feet through all-terrain barefoot walking. An uneasy truce was established with the Fashion Police after a SWAT force became the recipients of an array of devastating snap-kicks and limped back to station.

Bunnies Who Wear Only One Sock, And Not Two (BWWOOSANT)

These bunnies, having short attention spans, will put on one sock but forget to put the other on. ...What was I talking about? I forgot.

Oh, yes. Most of them have at one point or another been aware of the Sock Wars, but have forgotten, due to their short attention span. They are easily distr ooh, shiny! Shiny shiny shiny! *chase*

Bunnies Who Don't Really Think Much About Socks, Taking A Neutral, Almost Apathetic Point Of View (BWDRTMASTANAAPOV)

These bunnies view socks as socks, and are pretty much apathetic about this so-called Sock Empire.

Bunnies That Don't Like Wearing Socks But Really Should Because Their Feet Are Nasty And Grody (BTDLWSBRSBTFANAG)

The bunnies despise socks, mainly because they have already nearly destroyed their feet.

Related Topics

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