Mayhem Laws of Physics
From Egs Mayhem
Believe it or not, there are actually many laws of physics that govern Mayhem, although even these are frequently broken. These generally are, however, vastly different from those of Earth.
Some of the Laws
0: The GM Rule: What GM says, goes. Meaning you if you don't listen.
1: Don't piss off the bartender of the RP. You usually get blasted or hit by
2: Super Bouncer. The bouncer of said bar is uber strong.
3: No ID Checks.
4: If a character is being played by Kum-El, someone will fall in love with him before the day is done.
4a: She will, most likely, be someone played by 10.
4b: Even if the character is deliberately anti-social.
4c: The only exceptions seem to be if the RP dies a quick death.
5: There WILL be one character everyone, including the writer, hates.
6: If there are no powers or magic, expect Super Tech.
7: 10 will play a female with a screwed up past.
8: No matter how weird or abnormal, people will ALWAYS be accepted, and able to find 'true love'.
9: 10's girl will likely prove the above rule correct.
10: School RPs always have a love potion of some kind.
11: Lesbians will always outnumber gay boys by a factor of at least 3.
12: There will be at least one anthro or morphing character. Period.
12a: vampiress_kat's character will usually fill this role.
13: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
14: The GM is always good to the people, but only if they think Stalin was a good guy.
15: Nobody likes the Nurse. Nobody.
16: If a character is A: female and B: played by Yun, she will invariably be mentally unbalanced.
16a: This is also true of Author-Man, with the added bonus of angsty pasts.
17: Creators MUST be evil to at least one character.
18: If a character has an angsty background, they will no doubt Angst about it to as many other PC's as possible.
18a: Even if it would be out of character to do so.
19: Fear anything that has BTC after it unless you are a dirty Pervert. Also known as the Greg Rule.
20: All of Kylen's characters are ethnically Irish, without exception.
21: All of Sanchay's characters are insufferably cute.
22: Don't think hammerable thoug-*Hammered.*
23 (Alexis Rule): This looks reeeeaal bad, but hear me ou---
24: AkaraAri can play any role and do it well. tries to play any role, and often phails miserably.
25: The Hot Tub is for girls to make love.
26: No, the boys cannot watch. Ever.
26a: Unless it is important to the plot.
27: There is a good chance 10's girl will have something wrong with her left arm, why is unknown.
28: Anyone made by Kylen will control fire and/or have wolf ears and tail.
29: Anyone made by Yun will involve lightning, ravens, and/or Korea.
30: 1337 Will NOT be tolerated.
31: No, you many NOT have a Katana called Masamune. Ever.
31a: Unless the GM okays it, but it turns out to be a POC.
32: There are two forms of Posting: Long, novel style and Short, POST NOW DAMN IT style.
33: Lomgren posts like crazy.
33a: So does Kalga. But not nearly as much as Lommy.
34: The GM will never post fast enough, or be on long enough to move the plot.
34a: Unless your [Kalga]. But he always posts too fast
35: Every RP will have at least one page populated entirely by only two posters.
35a: These posters' characters are almost always on the verge of at least making out.
35b: These posters' character's are in extreme danger.
35c: Or, you know, they're just really chatty.
36: Someone will always be disconnected from the Internet at a critical plot point.
37: There must be one Technomancer unless there is no tech.
37a: And, if there is no tech, there will be an Inventor who can make tech.
38: No one remains single for the whole RP, no matter how hard they try.
38a: Except if controlled by Piebunny. See Rule 89.
38b: Or if controlled by catldr24.
38c: Or Kalga. Cause he plays jerks.
38d: Especially if played by Kum-El. See rules 4 and 86.
39: If 10's girl is talking about a rose it always means the same thing: she is a virgin.
40: There will always be a triangle.
41: Law of Tableware Nonexistence: There is no Spoon.
41a: There will be a long list of jokes only certain people will get.
41b: Most of these will occur on Library Books.
42: There will be one martial arts expert.
42a: He will be an old man.
42b: He will be Asian.
42c: he will be replaced within 2 years, by some younger guy.
42d: And probably a pervert.
43: There will always be one ultra-feminist whom no one likes.
44: There will be an evil organization.
44a: They will be stronger than the good guys, but still lose to a bunch of students.
45: If you get Deadlocked in a relationship with an inactive character, bad luck.
46: If Avenara makes a male character, no matter if he was meant to be straight, he always ends up gay.
47: There are always at least two characters who start out unable to speak English (or whatever alternate common language is in use, if not English).
47a: But they will be able to communicate through other means.
47b: The mute guy will still manage to be a smartarse. It's amazing how well signs work for that purpose.
48: At least one character will have/has a sibling with a military background.
49: At least one char will have an animal cohort.
50: Anyone who controls Electricity will have found out about their ability by frying their Computer/MP3 player/Phone/Robot Dog.
51: All of Yun's characters are at least bilingual.
51a: Even if he has to make up the second language himself.
52: At least one of Kylen's characters will be curtained for violence or otherwise at least once in the first 200 pages of said character's involvement in RP.
53: What happens BTC doesn't always stay BTC.
54: BTC will always mean Behind the Curtain.
55: If a character has a secret that they want to keep hidden from other characters, it will always always be revealed when they think no-one is watching.
55a: They will do one of two things: Tell nobody, or tell everybody. There is no middle ground.
56: Certain characters always seem to be quiet for strangely long periods of time before suddenly speaking up, while others are always talking.
57: If something is revealed OOC it will be revealed IC within a page or less.
58: Fawe's characters will be stalkers at least once in the RP.
59: the Mike Kent Rule: Romance Sense SUCKS!
60: Any bad habits held by a character will be broken by another.
61: Anything that is set up for a cliché ending will have said ending.
62: There will be a Wiki in under a month or 2 of no plot movement.
63: There will always be a diagram of the dorms, but not the important places.
64: Six months of character development will be crammed into two days of action because the thread moves too slowly.
64a: No one is ever knocked out for a week.
65: If a character says that he/she is "Invincible", "Indestructible", "Unbeatable" or "Immortal", they will be proven very wrong in the next five pages.
66: The little girl always kicks the big guy's butt.
67: Kylen's characters get shagged within a day of meeting a significant other.
68: There is always at least one catgirl.
69: No, your character may not have 'One-Winged Angel' as their theme music.
70: No PC is ever really unremarkable.
71: The GM is not only god, but usually in love with irony.
72: While a day may take 200 pages to go by, a plane trip will only take two.
73: Nothing important happens during time warps.
74: [Something in square brackets] always means a curse word.
75: Themes are kick ass. All important characters have one.
76: Anyone with a peculiar accent or speaking habit will generally drop it.
76a: Any character who does not speak English will learn to do so improbably fast.
76b: Or learn the Common language through magic and/or a dream.
77: There will always be a reference to a webcomic.
77a: This may end up becoming a meta joke.
78: If someone makes a point to say something is useless or ordinary, it most likely just looks that way and is REALLY useful and exotic.
79: One hour must take at least 3 days OOC.
80: Wounds heal improbably fast as well.
81: Don't question DEM. Ever.
81a: DEM can be what ever the hell it wants to be.
82: Evil plotting will always occur OOC, also Murphy's Law has particular sway IC.
83: People in love are always at Murphy's mercy, of which there is none.
84: Characters may have Asian names, even if they have no Asian heritage whatsoever.
85: Knock!
86: Kum-El will have a free male. Ten will have a free female.
86a: They will get together. (See also: 10-Kum-El Character Magnetism.)
86aa: On a similar premise, when Drayco and KE have characters in an RP that has the PCs rooming together they -will- end up roommates.
87: No matter what the RP is about, Piebunny will find some way to put Marco and Marci Marcellis in it.
87a: They will become inactive very quickly.
87b: If the RP does not involve Marco and Marci, KFPB will be in it.
88: No-one can resist the puppy dog eyes.
89: None of Piebunny's characters will ever become romantically involved.
89a: EVER.
89b: Particularly and especially not Marco and Marci.
90: Cameo's RPs will be faster than light.
90a: Piebunny's will crash and burn.
91: If Cameo is involved, someone will have wings.
92: FB's characters will always like obscure music.
93: VOR's characters are evil.
93a: If he creates a good character, either the RP or the character will die.
93b: Unless the character slowly starts getting morally corrupted.
93c: Unless he stops participating in the RP before that can happen.
94: Someone will try to work in an anime/manga reference.
95: Joat's characters are always overly and ridiculously epic.
95a: None of them are powerless.
96: Grim's characters will always be hopeless romantics.
96a: If they're not a hopeless romantic, they have no people skills.
97: "The Fur Covers Everything": If a fur-covered person has no clothing, their fur covers and conceals any parts of the anatomy which would be considered "indecent" or "objectionable" in public. They are thus not considered "naked", except possibly by other fur-covered people.
98: If there are Zombies involved, there will inevitably be a dance sequence.
98a: No exceptions. Ever.
99: Don't get in the middle of a fight between Brylian_Troy and HomerNet, you will get hurt, and that's Just The Way They Are.
100: Don't try to out-plot-twist HomerNet, you will always fail.
101: If there is a hot-bodied female moogle, there must always be a leather-clad hot-bodied female moogle.
102: If something happens that still shouldn't happen, the reason is because "this is Mayhem".
102a: Same statement is used to answer the phrase "This is Madness!"
103: Ajac will play a very moral good guy.
103a: Expect many biblical references when he is around.
103b: Also expect Discworld references.
104: Jstone's characters are all action-movie cliches.
104a: Unless he's been up way too late. Then they're a well-written, multidimensional character. Whether or not this effect is all in his head, however, is unapparent.
105: If an RP involves Teleros, Jstone, or Saric Krass, expect spaceships.
105a: Expect Saric Krass's space-ships to be powerful to the point of absurdity.
106: Piebunny's characters will be Australian. Even if he doesn't say they're Australian.
106a: ESPECIALLY if he doesn't say they're Australian.
107: If Piebunny and Author-Man both have female characters, those characters will wind up being naked together at some point in the RP. It's only a matter of time.
107a: This will not necessarily mean they are lesbians, however.
108: ChroniclerC's characters are almost always non-morphic animals, shapeshifters, or both (shapeshifter with a non-morphic form).
108a: Expect lycanthropy and/or white foxes.
109: Any female that Kalga plays will completely overshadow his male characters.
109a: She will be a crybaby at some point.
110: All of vampiress_kat's characters will either have a very large or infinite storage space of some sort. Even if it defies logic.
110a: ESPECIALLY if it defies logic.
111: All of Kalga's female characters will be catgirls. Or godesses. Or something like that.
112: Don't let Kalga in a game. He WILL make it about catgirls.
113: If it's funny and you've seen it in a Warner Bros. cartoon it probably either has happened or will happen to Will Page.
113a: The odds of this increase if it's a Law of Cartoon Physics.
114: 50% of characters involved with magic will end up with an Evil Clone or such. 10% of non-magical characters will also have this happen to them.
114a:30% of those clones will be weaker than the main, 30% stronger, and 30% the same strength. The last 10% will be both stronger and weaker than the main.
114a1: Refer to the quote "He may be stronger than you, but you have one thing he doesn't. 'Blank'"
115: Females played by Author-Man will probably be named after something he heard in an anime once. Or a gemstone. One or the other.
115a: They also fall into one of three basic personality types. Antisocial bitch-queen, chronically insecure shy girl, or endearingly perky.
115b: His males tend to be jerks.
116. All Characters made by Bain are jerks.
116a. Except for the Bain in Fort Mayhem.
117. If the RP has any sort of fight, catldr24's character will be knocked out, even if they have to do it themselves.
118. When Mind-controlled-bunny@_@ RPs a female in a non-loose RP, the RP will fail for reasons unknown.
119: Anyone who makes a joke about Kalga's character Hel, and things freezing, or having no chance in; will be executed.
120. If May and Mal are in the same RP, the former will drive the latter crazy at frequent intervals.
Exceptions
There's always a few who want to go around breaking the rules, eh? Here are some of them.
15: Magical School's Nurse.
17: Kum-El, despite more than one attempt at it.
18: Sarah, Sylva Xynthea, May Cottontail, and Kent 'Don' Donavan.
41: Waffle House #4741. Spoons are abundant. There is no Matrix.
35a&35b: Grassvale Town RP.
50: Travis.
57: Things revealed by Krid usually take several hundred pages - at least.
64a: Neko from the Moperville RP 2.0 (though technically, the week was a timeskip, and he was asleep and not unconscious. And I think he woke up to eat once a day...)
67: Kylie and Amber.
70: Kevin.
76: Ed Bunny, and Sharzaxeshexsssh. Also Seamus O'Rourke, though the RP did die before he saw a lot of action.
83: Draco Blazer and May Cottontail.
87: H.G. Wells High, Magical School
88: Leon Minnis, Sevilin, and Warlof.
89: (Jenny&Rod) in Magical School
90: Driftersverse and Wingies.
90a: The Massive Flaming Plane Crash Thread. (Although, since the plane itself crashes and burns....)
93: ICVOR.
96: Phil Cartwright.
101: The Artmoogle (aka Drayco) has final say with all things moogly. Always.
115b: Isaac Redmond is actually a fairly decent bloke.
