Nathan Page
From Pirate Bitch
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| Quick Finish | |||
| Anger Level: | Red Hot | ||
| Desire(s): | Roof Warner, Alice, Dawnie, Bertie the Bus, Walls and more. | ||
| Conquest(s): | The Fire Demon | ||
| Date of Birth: | December 13 1988 | ||
| Place of Birth: | Mole Tower, New Mexico | ||
| Sexual Motto: | "Red brick walls, no frills, lots of spills!" | Children: | Turner Page, Paige Page |
Nathan Page is gorgeous. He is also renowned for his re-enactments involving a painful memory, and Bertie the Bus, a joke that never wore thin. He is also the bassist and backing vocalist of the sex kittens of rock that are The Count And His Men. His exploits at Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders is the stuff of legend. See A Brief History of Nathan Page and Friends at CGSGLBT. He is also involved in the Nathan and the Wall Incident. He has a son, with the Wall, and a daughter, with a Fire Demon.
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Fame
Nathan was an extra who appeared in the comedy show Warning: May Contain Nuts starring Jamie Tuffield, in which he played an unnamed pupil in the Mr. Wittiker sketches; fans of the show dubbed him "Fat Background Boy". He is found humourous because he is often seen picking his nose in shots. This, revealed producer Rob Paterson later, was not actually part of the script, and that Page had just decided to inspect his left nostril, possibly to check if there was food up there.
Page became infamous for his live performances, including one at the Academy Awards where his dress fell down exposing his bra as he collected an Oscar for Best Supported Actor.
Nathan Page attended Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders, before it was ruined, where he is remembered for his famous deeds and unforgettably fat nature. His two children, Turner Page and Paige Page, attend the school in the present day, and were two of just fifteen survivors of the school's mini-apocolypse. They survived because they were in the Nathan Page-Block, a room for fatties named after their father.
Death
In 1994, Nathan Page was seen to commit suicide live on Jamie's Big Eat, and was believed to be dead until recently. It turns out he just collapsed because he hadn't eaten for five minutes, and at that point, an audience member was shot dead. The gunshot was therefore mistakenly believed to have caused Page's collapse, the hamburger in his lifeless hand was easily mistaken for a gun, and the case was wrapped up. The dead audience member was believed to have died from laughter, and that case was closed too.
New Life and Love
After being spotted in several fast food outlets, it was confirmed that Nathan Page is alive. He had been living under various alias, such as Bertie, Mole, Tramp, Mamp, Trole, Harry Page, Jabba, Hippo, Pelican, Pelimippo, Knock, Bang, etc.
New evidence showed that Nathan Page is still alive, mostly the fact that his autobiography, "Me, and Bertie" was published last week. Also pictures surfaced of Nathan and Shewhomustnotbenamed, dated 2005, adding fuel to the fire that the legend lives. He had a cruel and bitter split with this woman, after an embarassing time where he suprised her against a wall.
He then got with a Very Fiery Demon, previously shunned by Leonardo Mace, spending a night with her after Preflamp II before insisting "I was thinking of Ruth!" leaving her heartbroken.
It has become clear that Nathan Page has a long standing obsession with Alice. In recent days, messages of a perverted nature have been sent. The incomplete message transcript was "I fantasize about you all the time... not since Ruth have I... imagine I'm having sex with you...".
Nathan's lust for Dawnie, who he once, under the alias of Pervy Page, begged for "Cyber Sex" has very recently returned, along with much love for Chloétta Fourtrees and Victoria Streets.
Current Affairs
Rumours Nathan had kidnapped Alice proved false when Alice resurfaced in the Co-op and Nathan came into light once more with the cabaret swingers The Count And His Men and is now adored by the many, with his pervy past forgotten, apart from the fact it appears in many of the bands hits. He recently took time away from the band to "get away from it all" and had an extended stay in Wales, where he rolled around in the grassy knoles and frolicked with the local elven maidens. He dismisses the sheep rumours with "Why the fuck would I do that?", a few people have died mentioning a certain time he might have got horny and done something he didn't want to before.
Trivia
- Nathan Page also starred unnoticed on Page 3 five times between 1997 and 2002.
- Also, the Honey Monster in those cereal adverts by Garald S Kirk is now known to have been Nathan Page.
- Nathan Page's left breast is called Lucy, and the right one is Rachel. He says his penis was called Peter, but is now covered by a Bertie the Bus, and is thus mistakenly called Bertie by anyone who sees it.
- Nathan Page turned out to be Pervy Page, the Dawnie-huntin' pervert.
Bertie the Bus
Nathan Page on a bad day
