Dawnie

From Pirate Bitch

Dawnie was a girl named after the famous portion of the day that's beyond night but not quite morning. She rose to the public's attention during the Pervy Page scandals of the 1980s. She was possibly the most harrassed of all the many women and animals he attacked.

"He sure puts the mole in molest!" said Rob Paterson at the start of the famous Nuremburg Trials, where Pervy, a.k.a Nathan Page and his associates David Latto, Christian "Melvyn" Hometree and Simon Charles Frank Lissauer were placed before a jury. Being the chief witness for the prosecution, Dawnie was an important character in the media for the duration of the trial.

David Latto was charged with impersonating Buzz Lightyear and was ordered to pay Disney Pixar £30.97 and three packets of Milkyway Magic Stars.

Upon appeal this was reduced to two packs.

Melvyn was charged with witchcraft and was sentenced to be pushed off of a cliff to see if he could fly. He could not, but was caught by a flock of seagulls, who adopted him.

Simon Lissauer was charged with five counts of perversion against a small mammal and was executed the same day by a meteorite.

Nathan Page was the most vital case, and was charged with two hundred thousand counts of perverted behaviour, most of which were against Dawn. The trial transcript is show here...

Judge - Will the witness please take the stand.

Prosecution - My client has evidence that Nathan Page is a threat to all women.

Dawnie - It's true, the first time I met him he was salivating with lust, and before I could say hello, his hand was upon my bosom.

Defence - Objection, your honour - my client is far too fat to have even moved his arm, let alone flexed his fingers to make a groping motion.

Pizzaman [Entering] Pizza delivery for Mr Page!

Nathan - Right here!

Judge - Objection overuled... [aside] you greedy shit.

Dawnie - He then jumped on me, and broke five of my ribs. While I lay in agony, he rubbed himself against me. He then inserted his hand.. inserted his hand... [starts sobbing]

Defence - Show the jury where he inserted his hand, Mrs Dawnson.

Dawnie - ... [Indicating Nathan Page inserted his hand into her sandwich]

Jury - [Gasps]

Nathan - [While chewing pizza] I mistook her sandwich for her clothing!

Jury - [Gasps]

Feelin' Horny

The events were set out in song by funky seadogs The Count And His Men in a one off song, Feelin' Horny. For the complete lyrics of this song, see Feelin' Horny.