Christian "Melvyn" Hometree

From Pirate Bitch

Christian "Melvyn" Hometree was born in the year 55 AD. However, Christian suffered from a rare condition where he aged very, very slowly. In the year 2000, he turned 16, even though he had lived for many centuries. At this rate, he is expected to live until the year 8724. It is likely someone will murder him long before then.

He has drifted in and out of history, often connected to very influential people. He was the right-hand man of Horatio Apple, and later Lord Horatio Nelson, and after the Battle of Trafalgar, was asked to command the British army. He declined, being too busy chasing the daughters of King George III. The Duke of Wellington later commented that Christian often "caused a kerfuffle".

In recent times, Christian has become an actor, starring in adaptions of Oliver! and Romeo and Juliet.

Christian "Melvyn" Hometree these days is known as a British actor, comedian and homeless person. He is the current holder of a Zebby Award, though the awarding body is currently considering revoking his Award as, immediately after his win was announced, he claimed he wasn't actually homeless.

He is well known in his local community, Tuffieland, and has appeared in British comedies the world over.

His spoof chat show, Friday Night with Christian H was a ratings loser and was sadly axed by BBC 1 after just a three week run. Its successor, Count Nicholaus Wats-On-TV was an instant hit.