<option>Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."</option> <option>A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."</option> <option>Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."</option> <option>I've been going to a lot of weddings lately, which wouldn't be so bad except for all of the older, grandmotherly types poking me in the ribs, cackling, "You're next!"
They stopped doing that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.</option> <option>Two gay guys were caught in the act in a public park by a policeman. As the cop tried to arrest them for their public act of indecency, they bolted away. The cop pursued after them and managed to catch one of them. He told him, "when I catch your boyfriend I'm going to shove this nightstick right up his ass" Just then a voice calls out from behind a tree - "Officer, I'm over here."</option> <option>A guy's sitting in a bar when an older guy comes in, walks by him, and says, "I fuck your Mom." A few minutes later, the old guy comes up to him and says, "Your Mom sucks my cock." The bartender can't believe it doesn't get a rise out of the young guy. A few minutes later the old guy comes up and says, "I fuck your Mom in her asshole." The younger guy then turns to the older guy and says, "Look, Pop, you're drunk. Go home."</option> <option>A nurse says to a girl in the maternity ward, "Would you like your husband to be present at the birth?" She says, "I'm afraid I don't have a husband, or a boyfriend. I'm unattached...I'll be having my baby on my own." After the birth, the nurse says to the girl, "You have a healthy bouncing baby, but the baby is black." The girl says, "I was down on my luck, so I took a job in a porno movie where the lead man was black." The nurse says, "The baby also has blonde hair." The girl says, "There was a Swedish guy in the movie, too." The nurse says, "The baby also has slanted eyes." The girl says, "There was a Chinaman in the movie, too." Then the nurse hands the baby to the girl. The girl spanks it, and it cries out. The girl says, "That's a relief. I was afraid the little bastard was gonna bark."</option> <option>Just as John and his wife started to make love, their six-year old son burst into the room. "What are you doing, Dad?" he asked. "You know how you've always wanted a brother?" the father asked. "I'm putting a brother inside of your mom and he'll join our family in about nine months." The boy thanked his parents and closed the door. The next evening the dad found the boy in front of the house, crying. "What's the matter, son?" "Dad, you know how you were putting a brother inside Mom for me?" the kid said. "Well, Mr. Johnson from next door ate him this morning."</option> <option>For months the loving newlywed had asked his bride to give him oral sex, but to no avail. His sweet entreaties never worked, for the blushing bride was simply too innocent and inexperienced to even *think* of such a thing, let alone attempt it. But a year of gentle persistence finally paid off, and one night his darling nervously but lovingly performed the act. When it was over, she looked deeply into his eyes and asked, "How was I, sweetheart?" He looked back at her and said, "How the hell should I know? - I'm not a cocksucker!" </option> <option>Happiness is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.</option> <option>A little jockey goes into a bar and sees a beautiful blonde at the far end. He takes the stool next to her and after eyeing her up and down says, "Hey baby, what do you say to a little fuck?" She looks over at him and says, "Hello, you little fuck!"</option>