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Ethan and Dolan/Sephiroth
From Wuw Archive
Summary
Sephiroth gets interviewed.
Transcript
ETHAN: -So yeah, apparently if this Game 1 thing wins, he'll-
DOLAN: Welcome back! And now, please give a warm welcome to... Sephiroth!
{Sephiroth comes in with a shotgun. He shoots the ceiling, causing some bit to crumble down, and then sits down.}
SEPHIROTH: Greetings Ethan, Dolan. I got you both gifts. {Gives Dolan a sealed tube of pure Xenon, and gives Ethan his shotgun.}
DOLAN: Oh wow, Thanks!
ETHAN: THIS... IS.... AWESOME!
DOLAN: How did you afford these things?
SEPHIROTH: I have my ways of getting money. Dude, I have a skyscraper all to myself!
ETHAN: Excuse me.... I have to go shoot someone. {leaves}
DOLAN: Eh.... but where do you get the money?
SEPHIROTH: I have my own business. It's known for... not being known, as I usually hide in the shadows of the big corps, and make my money without all the media and press. I call it ShadowMarketing. No advertising. Usually, only the best people hear about it.
DOLAN: Well then congratulations, you just told our entire viewing audience!
{offscreen, several gun shots are heard}
DOLAN: ..er... So what else do you do?
SEPHIROTH: I didn't tell what my company is, and I didn't tell any insider information. And what I do? Well, I usually participate with exercises, usually Boxing.
{Ethan walks back on}
ETHAN: What are we talking about now?
DOLAN: Eh. Where were you just now?
ETHAN: None of your business! That's where!
DOLAN: Anyway, Seph. What do you do on the wiki?
SEPHIROTH: I rant, and make reviews. And I participate with many interactives, including the infamous and controversial Wikihood. I got mugged just because of that.
ETHAN: Whoa. What happened?
SEPHIROTH: Well, after coming out of the recording studio, I went to the pub for a drink with Chaos. He left earlier than me. When I came out, a bunch of thugs noticed me and stabbed me right in the arm, and took my wallet.
ETHAN: Was one of them short and cycloptic?
SEPHIROTH: No. I did see you though, in the bar.
ETHAN: Oh were you the loser with the grey hair?
SEPHIROTH: No... I was the man in the black jacket and the black fedora.
DOLAN: Ethan, when were you at a bar?
ETHAN: Do you EVER shut up?
DOLAN: So, Seph. Overall though, what do you like best about the wiki?
SEPHIROTH: Dunno... Umm... Hmm.... 25% of the users?
DOLAN: Yes, but WHAT do you like best about the wiki?
SEPHIROTH: Well, honestly, I like the amusement of it.
DOLAN: How so?
SEPHIROTH: The drama. I'm part of it sometimes, but when I'm not, it's oh so funny.
ETHAN: Quite.
DOLAN: Now, what about your name? Where's it from?
SEPHIROTH: It's not my real name. My real name is Lexon. Last name classified. But anyway, my nickname came from my fencing, and the accident after.
DOLAN: Accident?
SEPHIROTH: I got off with manslaughter.
ETHAN: It wasn't with this gun was it?
SEPHIROTH: I was fencing, and the tip fell off and stabbed my opponent in the heart and impaled him.
DOLAN: And that somehow caused you to be nicknamed "Sephiroth?"
SEPHIROTH: Yep.
ETHAN: 'Cause that makes sense!
SEPHIROTH: Sephiroth? Final Fantasy VII? Giant Sword? Killed one of the main characters by impaling them?
ETHAN: ...frickin rpg's....
DOLAN: So you just felt like keeping Sephiroth?
SEPHIROTH: Yeah. Pretty much. And Ethan... Good hair.
ETHAN: Oh why thank you.
DOLAN: Now, you said earlier that you liked to play in a bunch of interactives. Which one is your favorite?
SEPHIROTH: Don't have a favourite. Hey... I went this far without being a showoff! YES!
ETHAN: Pssssh... Show off...
DOLAN: Are you commonly a show off, Sephiroth?
SEPHIROTH: Sometimes. {Gets up from chair, and puts on a fedora. He stamps his foot, and fire rises from the ground. He stamps the other one, and the same happens. He then starts dancing, making a flurry of flames. When he stops, sparks fly from his feet.}
DOLAN: Eh... alrighty then. Does that kind of stuff happen a lot?
SEPHIROTH: If I do them.
ETHAN: Can you do anything else uber mega awesome?
SEPHIROTH: I can go transform.
DOLAN: Into what?
SEPHIROTH: You.
DOLAN: I don't believe it...
{Sephiroth morphs into Dolan.}
SEPHIROTH: {In Dolan's voice.} Well Hello. My name is Dolan, and I am such a knowitall! Watch me split atoms! Oh yes!
DOLAN: ...Well that's not how I talk at all...
ETHAN: It is so! Hey can you turn into Will?
SEPHIROTH: I'll try. {Transforms into Will.} Yep. And watch this. {Transforms into Ethan. He speaks in Ethans voice.} Whaddua say about me!? I'll punch you in the face, and then you won't be laughing!
ETHAN: Hey! Who do you think you're talking to, buddy!?
SEPHIROTH: Who do you think you're talking to?
ETHAN: Get over here, you cycloptic freak of nature! I'ma rip that one eye of yours right outta your head!
SEPHIROTH: How ugly am I right now?
ETHAN: After I beat that face in not even yo mamma's gonna like it!
SEPHIROTH: {Turns around quickly, and tapes a mirror to his face.}
ETHAN: Stop trying to look like me, ugly. Get over here and fight me like a man!
SEPHIROTH: Come getsome! {Rips mirror off and transforms into a highly muscular version of Ethan.} I can be a better Ethan than you can ever be!
DOLAN: Now, c'mon. Let's not turn this into Super-
ETHAN: YAAAH! {leaps at Seph and punches him}
SEPHIROTH: BETTER ETHAN THAN NORMAL ETHAN SMASH!!! {Charges into Ethan, ramming him into a wall.}
ETHAN: Ooof! Alright, that's it. {Ethan's eye grows red and he leaps into the air} KAH MEE HAH MEE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! {lasers shoot from Ethan's hand down to Sephiroth. Sephiroth is launched right into the wall, leaving a huge mark on the wall. Sephiroth flashes and is back to normal.}
SEPHIROTH: That's it! {Looks at Ethan, and then spots something behind him. He pulls out a handgun and starts shooting at Ethan's direction. Ethan flinches until he notices it's not him he's getting shot at. He looks up and he sees a smash ball above him. One of the bullets hits the smash ball, and Sephiroth starts glowing.} Oh yeah... FINAL SMASH!!! {Transforms into a black dragon, and fires a large laser out of his mouth that hits Ethan. Once it is finished, Sephiroth is normal, and Ethan is now on the wall, smoking and covered with soot.} Now let's get on with this interview.
DOLAN: Actually, I think we need to end it pretty soon. The whole station is kind of in ruin.
ETHAN: {scarce} Just.... get.... him..... outta here.
DOLAN: Anything you'd like to say before we leave?
SEPHIROTH: Yeah. Extra Careful.
DOLAN: Err... what?
SEPHIROTH: I mean, make sure you survive and also make sure you can rebuild the studio! {Goes into a burst of insane laughter, and runs out. A small object is left behind as he runs.}
DOLAN: Awesome.... well goodbye then! {to audience} And thanks for watching! See you next time!
{end}
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