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Miley Cyrus
Taxonomy: <insert name here>, the ruler of Google
IQ: It's Under 9000
Sentient: No. Wait, what?
File:Yourface.JPG
Yeah, this is you.

You, <insert name here>, are the person reading this article, unless, of course, you're not. But that would be awkward.

You are unique — just like everybody else. Ha! You got dissed by an article. That's worse than being dissed by a person!

Subtext: get over yourself. No one really likes you, Adolf Hitler. You suck. Like many of the things going on behind you, your friends are saying bad things about you and your relatives. All of that is your fault. You need to wise up and stop being so selfish. You're wasting your time. I mean, seriously, who the fuck looks up a pronoun?! Obviously, you do.

You have a dim realization that nature has played a cruel trick on you but lack the intelligence to realize the magnitude of that trick. You love to quote Calvin and Hobbes, but not admit it. You are a moron, but you may never realize it, as you are so stupid. In fact, Nobody is dumber than you are.<ref>Unless you count "He who is thick as a brick".</ref>. But apart from voting for George W. Bush, you are the worst idea your parents ever had.

But your father Billy Ray is a redneck. And if you don't have a father, I mean... Your archenemy Lindsay Lohan is sexy. Yum yum. But then again, if you lack cousins...your next door neighbor's daughter is a total bitch. C'mon admit it, is probably watching her change through her window, cause her house is THAT close! Why don't you do something productive instead?

File:Fishlipz1.jpg
You was wondering what there is under the hands. Boobs. These boobs have hands on them. The boobs can be only seen by Brad Pitt. Your eyes are not suitable for Angelina Jolie's boobs because you're a bad, stupid girl who wants to get rid of Britney and Linds.


Time Magazine's Worst Person of the Year 2007

Which, by definition, makes Miley a shim. It is unfortunate that Time Magazine has made such a horrendous error in judgment in naming Miley Worst Person of the Year for 2006. I guess they didn't notice how awesome I am, and all the wonderful contributions I made to society, and me too. But Miley ... Miley doesn't even count!

Miley and stupidity

Both words go well together. Scientific studies suggest that they're synonyms, and linguists say that they both come from the same Latin root.

But seriously, you have the intelligence of a granola bar. Scratch that. Your intelligence isn't even comparable to a food item. But you're still an idiot. I bet you support increasing our dependence on foreign oil or think that the government didn't do 9/11.

Here's an analogy: If all the village idiots, in all the villages in the world, left their villages to form their own village of village idiots, in that village of village idiots, Miley would be the village idiot.


Miley and Death

Miley, you will die one day (actually it's four days, but that's really a different matter), my daughter/illegitimate love child. There are literally dozens of ways in which you could die. You could be eaten by a Grue. You could be the next victim of the terrible Wikisaurus! You could be tricked by a man telling you that if you look down the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger, candy will come out. You could be in a horror movie right now and not even know it!

Actually, you're dead already. Nice try though.

You might watch a cursed video, and a telephone will ring. Then you'll answer the phone and a voice will tell you to pass on the video or you'll die in 7 days. With 5 seconds to go, John Titor will appear and rescue you by taking you to a time loop that begins 5 seconds after the phone rings. After 2^32-1 iterations there is 50-50 chance that Jesus or Satan or Santa or a Policeman will appear and break the loop. You won't die alone, but you'll wish you had.

But nobody really knows or cares about how you will die. We're just speculating. But we do know that on the day of your death, we will all rejoice, as it will mark a new age for mankind, free from you. People will only come to your funeral for the seafood buffet. All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time. Say it loud and proud! Fuck the assheaded, fuckfaced motherfucker known as Miley!

Miley and Music

File:Blue Screen of Doom Spoof.png
You screwed up my hard drive, didn't you!?
File:Fob - live in Phoenix Cd.jpg
WTF? Get the fuck away from my wife!!!

According to Fall Out Boy, you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with (and I'm just a boy who's had too many chances). Fall Out Boy also says: "I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive; now I only waste it dreaming of you." Fall Out Boy also wants to make you bend and break and make the good times roll, in case God doesn't show. Bend her, break her, any way you need her, all Shirley Manson wants is you.

The Beatles can confirm that she loves you (yeah yeah yeah). Also, they want to know why you say goodbye (I say hello!).

The Foo Fighters are walking after you; Dave Grohl will walk after you if you walk out on him. And he's on your back. The Unseen are so sick of you, Senses Fail is going to teach teach you what it's like to be used, and The Outfield don't wanna lose your love tonight.

You are all that Radiohead needs, all they neeeed, and all U2 wants is you.

Enrique Iglesias just wants to be with you. Chris Martin wrote a song for you and it was all yellow. James Blunt thinks you're beautiful because he saw your face in a crowded place. Ayreon's heart belongs to you, but she was lonely and her need for passion grew.

You can't touch MC Hammer...but you want to. I bet you think that song Carly Simon wrote is about you. Don't you, <insert name here>?

You have the time to listen to Green Day whine. Speaking of Green Day, they want to know: "Who the hell are you and tell me what I am, and what's my master plan?".

According to Bad Religion, you are:

  • The Government
  • Jurisprudence
  • The Volition
  • Juridiction

(and Bad Religion makes a difference too, btw)

Gerard Way dosen't love You like he did yesterday.

Miley is a groupie loser who sings poorly because of her swollen voice. When Miley looks at this article, she will kill me. If the tweens looked at it, they will kill me because I made insults against their idol.

Citations

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See Also

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