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Thirsty? Perhaps you were looking for 9-Eleven?

~ {{#ifexist:Barry Scott|[[Barry Scott]]|Barry Scott}} {{#if:9/11|on 9/11}}

“I definitely pwned the terrorists in the ass”

~ {{#ifexist:Rudolphus Guiliani|Rudolphus Guiliani|Rudolphus Guiliani}} {{#if:|on }}

“The Dick is pissed!”

~ {{#ifexist:Dick Cheney|[[Dick Cheney]]|Dick Cheney}} {{#if:9/11|on 9/11}}

9/11 (more commonly referred to as 0.8182 or 1.2222 in Australia) is an abbreviation of the 9th of November, 2001, which is the date on which patriotism was invented. It is also Rudy Guiliani's birthday - GASP! Conspiracy!

[edit] Tragedy Strikes

On September 11, 2001 or more likely the 9th of November 2001, two amateur alien pilots flying the mother ships from hit film Independence Day accidently crashed into the Twin Towers as part of a promotional stunt gone wrong to show their undying love for president George Bush, the pilots decided to use the spaceships from Independence Day as they were big and smelt of George Bush. The planes were further lured towards the towers by a large electromagnetic field eminating from the buildings servers which were overloaded by SPAM sent by Osama bin Laden (see Beelzebaby).

Within 30 minutes the towers were enveloped in a thick cloud of green smoke, as the smoke settled a few seconds later the towers, being the twin nephews of Harry Houdini were no where to be seen. The towers have not been seen since, citizens are asked to check their sheds, gardens and magical wardrobes.

America rightly placed blame for the incident on Absolutly Wonderfully Glorious Republic of Iranistan whos citizens look like the aliens from independence day and share their evil psycic powers (see your biology textbook). This tragedy forced the United States into a war against many Hollywood movies and genres most notably terror, fear and bed wetting, during the war on terror the problems resulting from horror and horrorists were all but ignored.

American security personnel concentrated their focus on Iranistanians and ignored the 9.3 gigabytes of evidence showing a mass immigration of maple syrup-wielding creatures of the night from the North who possibly according to the FBI may or may not have given the tower or towers a or several dirty looks, possibly culminating in a good old fist shaking and potato throwing. Many maple-syrup weilding creatures were seen running home on the day of the attacks.

The event was never mentioned again in American politics. EVER. In fact, why are we talking about it right now? You will have a visit from the National Guard within the following hour.

[edit] National Crank Call Day

9/11 is also National Telephone the Operator and Drive the First Aid Squad Nuts Day, due to the national crank call number being 911. Many humorous crank calls were received in New York City on this day in 2001, all of which reported hellish carnage and unimaginable scenes of death. 9/11 dispatchers later thanked the numerous callers for sharing their sense of humor with them, and for giving them one little laugh in their long, boring lives. Of all the emergency services only Lassie attended the scene.

[edit] Black Box Excerpt from 9/11

The following is a harrowing radio conversation recovered from the black box of the first mothership, this left the country angry and with many questions such as why the towers werent built of the same stuff that black boxes are. What follows is an actual transcript, it may not be suitable for illiterates:

In AD 20 Zero 1, war was beginning.

<Explosion>

GWB: What happen?

Powell: Someone set up us the bomb.

Rumsfeld: We get signal.

GWB: What?

Powell: Main Screen Turn on.

GWB: It's you.

Osama: How are you gentlemen? All your WTC are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

GWB: What you say?!

Osama: You have no chance to survive make your time. Hahahaha...

Powell: Mr. President!

GWB: Take off every F-16.

GWB: You know what you doing.

GWB: Move F-16.

GWB: For Great Justice.

GWB: Lolroflcakecopter, is this thing still on? Haha! Now I can play rodeo, I can do anything I want! I can climb Brokeback Mountain using my imagination I ca--*COUGH*! Agh! Pretzel!

[edit] Conspiracy Theories Facts

There are numerous conspiracy theories related to the events of 9/11, most of which reside within the internets. The most common conspiracy theories are as follows (this is by no means a comprehensive list, and should be considered reliable:

[edit] George Bush's Framing Plot

First brought forward by a hermit in the Kingdom of Usiutolgiiitloeiehssoile, Asia. According to this hermit, George Bush takes inspiration from great public figures such as Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Adolf Hitler. The plot involved framing Mr Adolf Hitler, by using aan ex-Lufftwaffe plane, complete with Natzi stickers, and flying into the twin towers at high speed; and claim it was all Hitler's fault. Mr Hitler denied all claims, and sued President Bush $3,000,000 worth of cheese.

[edit] Faster-Than-Light Remote Control Planes theory

First put forth by renown action hero David Icke, who is also known as the Son of God. According to Icke, the aircraft that collided with the twin towers were in fact miniature airplanes that were remote controlled by none other than Hillary Clinton, who was able to transcend the laws of physics by assassinating both Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein with polonium, rendering their scientific discoveries invalid, just like Stephen Hawking, a world-famous Electro DJ (he is perhaps best known for lending his voice to computers, he did the lady on too, no one asked him to wear drag while recording but he did anyway).

[edit] Controlled Demolition theory

This theory, created by a room of armadillos on acid, postulates that the twin towers were brought down by an explosive device of sufficient yeild, most likely planted by the terrorists. The bomb exploded, due to the preemptive elimination of the entire counter-terrorist side by one goddamn camping AWPer, who was probably hacking. The armadillos counter the eyewitnesses who saw airplanes by claiming that they were part of the special effects by Industrial Light and Magic.

[edit] Gun running Giant Panda theory

There are those who believe that the twin towers were destroyed by a secret cabal of gun-smuggling chinese panda bears, who have been infiltrating the United States through the nations zoos, which are notoriously free from customs agents. When Jack Bauer began to uncover their operation, they destroyed the twin towers to avert suspicion.

[edit] 9/11 In Popular Culture

[edit] 9/11, the Boy-Band

9/11 is also the name of a disasterously short-lived boyband. President George W Bush is referring to this band in his commonly used phrase "Lessons of 9/11". The band had a strong glue-sniffing message for America's youth.

[edit] Adaptations

The well-known Hollywood movie director Oliver Stone later made a highly-successful movie about the Tragedy of the Twin Towers in order to, he said, quoting the Constitution of the United States, "cash-in on the problems of others." "It was decided," Stone said, "Spielberg gets D-Day and the Holocaust. Michael Bay gets Pearl Harbor and Lionel Richie. I get JFK and the Twin Towers." He continued, "I'm donating a portion of the profits to The Republic of Iranistan, so that they, with their primitive guns and bombs, may provide America with yet more delicious Hollywood film fodder." The film was the only one ever to win an Academy Award in every single category, including the new award for "Best Total Disregard For Anything Sacred That Might Be Left In American Culture."

[edit] See also

• World Trade Center
• 9/11 (video game)
• Comedy
• Lessons of 9/11
• Quit Your Job Day
• 911 sequel
• Nine Eleven
• The Truth about 9/11
• Twin Towers
• 9-Eleven

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