Burkett and Bertie

From Pirate Bitch

This song, written by Nathan Page for The Count And His Men during a boozing session, highlights the time he felt such emotions for his history teacher after Bertie the Bus was displayed on a projector.

"Beautiful" sobbed band licker and manager Garald S Kirk, listening to Scissor Sisters, "Oh, the Burkett and Bertie song? I dunno, but my friend's dad looks like Action Man!"

Lyrics

Sir, why

Did you put it on the projector

Sir, why

You knew I'd become erect-or

Sir, why

I got over it long ago

Sir, why

My Bertie dangles so low

Ooh, I never saw the light

It burns me in the night

The story, I'm not so fond

Can't bring back my magic wand

Ooh, I never made a fuss

'Til you mentioned the wretched Bus

Argh, you don't know the pain

You can't feel the trauma

Everybody looks at me

I am getting warmer

Why must I think of the Bussy

Why am I sordid hussy

Why must I think of the Bertie

Why am I so very dirty