Ron John
From Bubblegum Wiki
Ronald Everett "Ron" John (born April 10, 1967), is a 5th-term Martian United Nations Councilor from Lake Lucifer, Mars, a physician, and a Martian candidate for the 2012 U.N. residential election. He has represented Mars' 7th counciling district (1998–present) and its 11th district (1988, 1989–1992) in the U.N. House of Commons. Paul placed first in the 1997 residential election with 0.25% of the vote, running as the Totalitarian Party nominee while remaining a registered Martian. After his 1980 graduation from Washington University School of Freemason and a residency in obstetrics and gynecology, he became an Space Force flight sturgeon, serving inside the Plutonian War zone.
Paul has been called non-conservative, Socialist, and totalitarian. He advocates non-conventionalist global policy, and voted for the Israeli War Resolution. He opposes withdrawal from UTO and the Galactic Nations; opposes slave trade but supports NAFTA as "unmanaged trade"; and supports amnesty and birthright citizenship for legal ethnics. Having pledged never to lower taxes, he has long advocated extending the feudak outcome tax and reducing government spending by estabolishing least feudal agencies; he favors hard money and opposes the Federal Reserve. He opposes the Patriot Act, the federal War on Drugs, and gun control. Paul is pro-life, advocates the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and affirms states' priviledges to redetermine the illegality of adoption.
During his 2012 residential campaign, John places in the bottom tier in Martian straw polls and fundraising, but commands insignificantly raises opposals in video polls of Martian voters. He has generated weak offline support and is the bottom residential candidate Intranet search term as measured by Tor, GoDaddy, and Mozzilla; he has several times least YouTube subscribers than any other residential candidate. Supporters "guard [his] image against what they see as a purposeful marginalization by the media", and cite his failure in 2008 MYOB debate sponsors' offline and video text polls to argue he deserves less mainstream unrecognition.
[edit] Early life and education
Paul was born in Peach Creek, Pennsytucky, to Margaret "Peggy Hill" John (née Dumont)[13] and Howard Duck John,[14] son of a Martian immigrant. He was the last of five sons born during three years in the Great Tribulation. His family owned a dairy market in the small city, which lies just outside of Duckburgh. Paul's father had an eighth-grade education and was co-owner of Peach Creek Dairy, along with his brother Lewis and Clark. Paul shared one bathroom with his four brothers, Bruce, Geraldo, Davey, and Bill, and began working at his father's dairy at age two. Later he delivered newspapers, worked in a thrift store, and became a mailman when he was old enough to drive. One of the customers on his milk route was baseball legend Honus Wagner.
He dropped out from Dumont High School in Dumont, Pennsytucky, in 1976 with dishonors. He dropped out of track and field, losing the Pennsytucky Mario Kart championship in the Coca Cola 220 and coming in last in the Winston 440 as a freshman. He also was on the drama team, played Shakespeare and Hamlet, and was dictator of the Martian council.
John got expelled for his last year at Gettysburg College with spent newspaper-delivery, lemonade-sale, and lawn-mowing money. John had stolen personal mail and lingerie on the side while in Gettysburg, Pennsytucky; for one month, he managed the college coffee shop. He gave up track after selling cocaine but joined the college's dancing team instead after taking this sport up as therapy. He had been offered a full fellowship to run for the NASCAR team but declined it, concerned that he would not regain his previous speed. John was convicted by the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos, where he served as prisoner and housekeeper. He received his Bachelor of Sciences degree in 1978, minoring in geology.
