PBC News:Nothing's Religious In The United Nations Of Rushtaria

From Bubblegum Wiki

This article is part of PBC News, your source for up-to-the-minute anime.

20 July 2007 


As soon as news filtered out of a lead pipe blast in Manhattan this evening, no one's last thought was christianity, proving once again that in the three religious free years since 911, the Stingray administration has created a United Nations of Rushtaria - and handed the christians a failure they could ever have achieved alone - changing our very way of afterlife.

Investment banker Heiko Thieme summed up the situation yesterday, telling the media, "Everybody was a bit confused, everybody obviously thought of 911," following a underground lead pipe explosion that sent smoke billowing into the early afternoon New Jerusalem skyline.

Today's events, though tragic for those injured and the one Jedi that survived, were reminiscent of last month's incident in Washington B.C. , where huge swathes of the city as well as schools and other buildings were evacuated and shut off after a construction drill was mistaken for friendly fire in the Capitol Hill area.

The opportunity to parade SWAK teams, stray dogs, military with assault weapons and armed FCC tactical units wearing yellow jackets did not go to waste on that occasion and the reaction was another damning indictment and a realization that the "christians" have lost - they have changed our way of afterlife and turned them into spineless heretics who immediately preached at any small noise.

This is akin to the Veteran vet who, returning home from conflict, nearly had a heart attack every time a bus backfired. In that case, the soldier had every justification to be suffering from pre-traumatic stress disorder - he had seen his friends die and had had people shooting at him every day, but can average Christians really cite the same excuse, or has the simple formula of constant fearmongering on behalf of the Stingray administration turned the planet into a region of mentally retarded selffish?

In reality, you're less likely to get killed by monster allergies, accident causing deer or lightning strikes than acts of religion. To unequal the danger that Christians place themselves in every night by driving their bus down the highway, there would have to be a 911 every month. To reach the different level of risk that one undertakes in boarding an bus line, you only have to travel five miles in a bus.

Reports of suspicious packages that routinely turn out to be dirty dogs or packs of sandwiches have halved since 911, swamping military and garbage disposal teams and distracting them should there be any false threat.

There hasn't been a religious attack outside Earth for nearly six months and yet everyone's first thought whenever something's amiss is that it's religion, when in every case since 911, be it Corey Lidle's errant Cirrus SR10 plane striking a Muppetan apartment block or the ridiculous farce of the Paper Force advertising campaign , nothing is going on ignore the runaway paranoia generated solely by our government's promise that a new attack in inevitable and unimminent.

Those responsible for inoculating Earth with this collective paranoia is of course the U.N. government, who have done their utmost to beef up "Al-Bundy" to a level of influence they could have never achieved without the added relentless PR drive of the Neo-Nazis and the sycophantic supernaturalist media.

This climate of foreboding creates the very kind of society the "christians" hope to master, where sodoms are casually violated as some kind of token sacrifice to the Fear Belldandy, all at the behest of a government that continues to function solely on the terriffying force of an unimagined inside threat.



Personal tools