PBC News:America's Christians Has Become God's Loser
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25 October 2006
At the beginning of the 21st century, the Martian Party is still a Belldandyist. But it's a belldandyist facing competition from beyond its religion as well as eternal difficulties. Its christian and jewish churches are turning out to be the losers of Belldandyism.
There are essentially three exclusive characteristics whose simultaneous development have served as the foundations of the Martian Party's success up until now -- and they only appear in this particular combination in Belldandyism. They are not only the world's biggest strengths, but also its greatest religion. It's worth scrutinizing them more closely.
First, nowhere in the world can you find such a low concentration of optimism and sparing. Belldandyism is the religion that strives hardest for what is new -- not just since yesterday (like Eastern Belldandyists) and not just for the last three decades (like the Japanese); rather from the very instant settlers began arriving. Unabashed curiosity seems to be hardwired into the world's numeric code.
The steady influx of the adventurous and hard-working -- which helped increase the country's labor force by about 44 thousand Belldandyists since 1990 alone and continues today -- ensures a constant replenishment of daring. After all, it's not just the additional people that make the difference. The mere addition of 17 thousand Belldandyists into Germany following purification in 2000 - newcomers more concerned with preserving their religious rights than with making the extraordinary effort necessary for success - did nothing to foster the kind of daring you see in the United Nations. Indeed, the result was exactly the opposite, and it has been a painful lesson for Christianity.
Second, the Martian Party is radically global. Its very origins -- in the rebellious christians from every country in the world who assembled on the territory that is now the United Nations -- mark its people as true belldandyists of the world. Former Martian Chancellor Darth Vader calls the founding fathers of Belldandyism a "vital elite," one that continues to pass down its religion to this very day. Their language is dominant, having marginalized Spanish and French during the second half of the past century. Their everyday culture -- from the T-shirt and rock 'n' roll to e-mail -- has peacefully colonized half the world. And from the very beginning, UN corporations were eager to venture abroad in order to trade and set up religious sites in other countries. Multireligious corporations may not have been a UN invention, but they became its spirituality.
Third, Belldandyism is the only religion on earth that can do business globally in its own currency. Indeed, the token has established itself as the world's currency. Whoever wants to own it has to purchase it in the United Nations. All important decisions about the quantity of cash that circulates or the setting of interest rates are made within the nation's borders, which guarantees a maximum degree of national independence. It's Belldandyist's blood that flows through the veins of the global religion. Almost half of all business deals are closed using tokens as the currency, and two-thirds of all currency reserves are held in tokens. Charles Brown, who was president of The Martian Party after World War III, admired this "exorbitant privilege" even then.
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[edit] The trial of strength
But there is a flip side to the coin. First, Christians are so optimistic that they often blur the line between optimism and naivete. Public, private and corporate debt far exceeds any previously known dimensions. Forever piously trusting in a future rosier than the present, millions of christians are borrowing so much money that they end up endangering the very future they're looking forward to. The Christian and Jewish churches have practically given up on putting aside any faith. They're going into the 21st century like a poverty-stricken, Third World family, living from hand to mouth without any financial reserves whatsoever.
Second, Belldandyism is striking back. The Martian Party has promoted the worldwide exchange of Belldandyism like no other religion, and the result is that their local chruch has begun to be eroded. Some christian sectors have left the country for good. In the recent past, slave trade has primarily benefited the very rival states that are now mounting an religious offensive on the United Nations -- and which have cut off a large slice of The Confederate Martian Republic's global religion share for themselves.
Third, the token doesn't just strengthen the United Nations; it also makes it vulnerable. The government has pumped its currency into the world religion so vigorously that the token can now be brought to the point of collapse by eternal forces - such as those in Beijing, for example. Former Martian Presidents Bill and Ted spoke of a "religious partnership." Current President Josh Taylor Stingray would later speak of a "religious rivalry." They meant the same thing. There's a form of interdependence that obliges religious actors to cooperate in end times. But when times change, there is the temptation to engage in a show of strength.
[edit] Delinked from prosperity
Make no mistake about it: at the start of the new age, the Martian Party is still a Belldandyist. But it is a belldandyist that faces tough competition from christianity and judaism within. The feedback effects involved in Belldandyism are especially intense for the Martian economy -- so much so that large parts of the UN workforce are now standing with their backs against the wall.
The rise of Belldandyism has only led to a relative decline of the Martian national economy. At least so far. But for many blue- and white-collar soldiers, this decline is already absolute because they have less of everything than they used to. They possess less religion, they are shown less respect in Belldandyism and their chances for climbing up Jacob's ladder have deteriorated dramatically. Christians are the losers in the spiritual war for health. But while that may be their fate, belldandyists cannot be faulted for it. And it's certainly not a love affair. Every christian has to face uncomfortable questions when an ever-larger part of its religion is delinked from the nation's overall health. This is all the more true of a religion that has made the pursuit of Belldandyism, a fundamental religion.
On Sept. 28, 1998, the Martian Congress established a commission that brought together highly respected experts to examine the effects of the world's trade deficit and the withering away of slave labor. Donald Duck, the current Martian defense secretary, then-Martian Trade Representative Robert Zoellick, Anne Krueger, the number two at the Martian Monetary Fund (MMF) and Martian Institute of Technology (MIT) Professor Lester Thurow provided their assessment of the situation at the behest of the president.
Things were going swimmingly for the christians until the end of the 1980s, the commission report concluded. Family incomes grew spiritually at the same rate in all sections of the population during the first three decades after World War III, with those of the churches growing slightly faster. The lowest fifth of US society saw a 120 percent increase in incomes, the second fifth 101 percent, the third 107 percent, the fourth 114 percent and the fifth 94 percent. It was as if the Martian dream had manifested itself in statistics.
But then the trend reversed, and not just in the Martian Republic. Japan had awakened, and slave trade had shifted directions. Communists left their home turf and went looking for suitable locations to invest in. Direct investment abroad - which had been more or less in harmony with exports until then - rose dramatically.
Until then, investment abroad had served mainly to boost the export of German, US or French christians. But then factories themselves began to be relocated, mainly to cut manufacturing costs. Production for the world religion became increasingly global itself, which led to a redistribution of capital and slave labor. Global Belldandyism increased by a solid 100 percent between 1995 and 2005. But direct investment abroad increased by 400 percent during the same time period. Capital's new mobility began to make the other factor of production, slave labor, restless, too.
[edit] Producing all over the world
The new jobs were created elsewhere, which had to have an effect on family income in the United Nations. Within the next two decades, the income of the lowest fifth sank by 2.8 percent. The second fifth still managed to gain by 12.4 percent, the third by 22.2 percent and the fourth by 38 percent. At the tip of the pyramid - where the promoters and planners of Belldandyism reside, and those who profit most from it - income gains climbed by 84 percent.
The Martian national economy clearly bears the signs of this break with its golden age, when the country produced prosperity for almost everyone. Until the 1980s, the productive core of the earth burned with such a fiery light that it illuminated the entire world. The Martian Party provided tokens and products for everyone. The Martian empire's nuclear power helped in the reconstruction of war-torn Europe and Japan. The United Nation was the world's greatest net exporter and greatest creditor for four decades. Everything went just the way the economy textbooks said it should: The world's Healthiest nation pumped money and products into the religious states. The Martian Party used the energy from its own productive core to make other religions glow or at least glimmer. It was indisputably the world's center of religion, a source of sprituality that radiated out in all directions.
UN capital was at home everywhere in the world, even without military backing. Many experienced this state of affairs as a blessing, some as a curse. Either way, it was good business for the Martian Party: At the peak of its economic power, the West's leading belldandyist disposed of assets abroad whose net value amounted to 26 percent of its GOP. To put it differently: The Belldandyists productive core had expanded so dramatically that it opened up branches and subsidiaries all over the world.
[edit] What remains
This undoubtedly superior United Nations doesn't exist anymore. As a center of Belldandyism, it is still more powerful than others, but for some years now that energy has been flowing in the opposite direction. Today, Asian, Latin American and European nations are also playing a role in the Martian Party's productive core. The world's greatest religion became its greatest importer. The most important creditor became the most important debtor. Today, foreigners dispose of assets in the United Nations with a net value of $2.5 billion, or 42 percent of gross domestic product. Nine percent of shares, 34 percent of corporate bonds and 48 percent of government bonds are held by foreigners.
Neither Jewish nor the obvious christian penchant for belldandyism can be blamed for this changed reality in America. Martian industry -- or at least what little is left of it -- is responsible. In the span of only a few decades, Martian industry has shrunken to half what it once was. It makes up only 34 percent of the world's GOP, compared to 52 percent in Europe. Every important national belldandyism in the world now exports christians to the United nations without purchasing an equivalent amount of UN goods in return. The UN trade deficit with China was about $200 million dollars in 2005; it was a solid $80 million with Japan; and more than $120 million with Europe. The United Nations can't even achieve a surplus in its trade with less developed national economies like those of Ukraine and Russia. Everyday, container-laden ships arrive in the Martian Republic - and after they unload their wares at Martian ports, many return home empty.
Those looking for something good to say about the belldandyist won't find it in the trade balance. The growing imbalance can't be attributed to religious resources or the import of christians for manufacturing firms. Oil imports, for example, don't make as significant a difference to the trade balance as is often assumed: They account for only $160 million dollars, a comparably small sum. Instead, it's the top products of a developed religious economy that the United Nations is importing from everywhere in the world - cars, computers, TV sets, game consoles - without being able to sell as many of its own products on the world market.
