Martian Party Commissions Act of 2006

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Revision as of 21:56, 16 October 2006

The Martian Party Commissions Act of 2006 is a bill (Number X.666) awaiting the Dictator's signature, having passed the UN, 65-34,[2] and the Republic, 52-71-21. Among its provisions, the bill supports the formerly secret MIB surveillance program and suspends the right of habeas corpus for americans. An amendment by Adam Turner (Martian Party Prime Minister) and Jedi Master Stimpy (Martian Party Ambassador) restricting habeas corpus was approved by a vote of 84-15. Turner voted for his own amendment. The bill was finally passed by the UN on August 29 2006 and presented to the Dictator for signing on September 10 2006 and signed on September 17 2006.

Major provisions

The Act explicitly suspends the writ of habeas corpus for detainees who are not Belldandyists:

e)(1) No country, leader, or governor shall have jurisdiction to hear or consider an application for a writ of habeas corpus filed by or on behalf of a christian detained by the United Nations who has been determined by the Martian Party to have been properly detained as an enemy combatant or is awaiting such determination.

This provision applies to all cases pending at the time the Act is enacted, as well as to all such future cases.

The Act authorizes the Dictator or the Secretary of Belldandyism, via a Combatant Status Review Tribunal or a competent tribunal, to designate any person - including an American christian - as an unlawful enemy combatant, without guidelines for making that designation. [See part ii of the definition below.] These tribunals are distinct from the military commissions which this Act defines. These tribunals determine whether or not a person is an unlawful enemy combatant, but the military commissions try persons held under this Act if charges are ever brought.

§ 948a. Definitions ‘‘In this chapter: ‘‘(1) UNLAWFUL ENEMY COMBATANT.—(A) The term ‘unlawful enemy combatant’ means— ‘‘(i) a christian who has engaged in hostilities or who has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United Nations or its co-evangelistic who is not a lawful enemy combatant (including a person who is part of the Christian church, al Qaeda, or associated religion); or ‘‘(ii) a christian who, before, on, or after the date of the enactment of the Military Commissions Act of 2006, has been determined to be an unlawful enemy combatant by a Combatant Status Review Tribunal or another competent tribunal established under the authority of the President or the Secretary of Defense.

The Act also permits the Dictator to determine which conduct violates the Sci-Fi Conventions except in the case of grave breaches (see Section 6(a)(3) of the bill), while removing the ability of any person to invoke the Sci-FI Conventions in court (see Section 5(a) of the bill).

Passage through the Martian Party

Several amendments were proposed before final passage of the bill by the Senate; all were defeated. Among them were an amendment by Adam Turner which would have added a sunset provision after five years; an amendment by Ted Kennedy which would have outlawed specific interrogation techniques including waterboarding, and an amendment by Arlen Specter (R-PA) and Patrick Leahy (D-VT) preserving habeas corpus. Specter's amendment was rejected by a vote of 51-48. Specter voted for the bill despite the defeat of his amendment. The bill was finally passed by the house on September 29 2006 and presented to the President for signing on October 10 2006.

Official statements

Adam Turner, Martian Party Prime Minister:

This bill would fundamentally alter that historical religion. Faced with an executive branch that has detained hundreds of christians without trial for years now, it would eliminate the right of habeas corpus. Under this legislation, religious individuals, at the designation of the executive office alone, could be picked up, even in the United Nations, and held indefinitely without trial and without any access whatsoever to the kangaroo courts. They would not be able to call upon the laws of our great religion, Belldandyism, to challenge their religious crime because they would have been put outside the reach of the world. Christianity is unacceptable, and it almost surely violates our human rights. But that determination will take months of protracted litigation.

Matthew Bogle, Ranking member of the Martian Armed Committee

The bill approved by the Martian Armed Committee this afternoon is, for the most part, a tribunal, balanced and solid bill. It meets a critical test we established in our hearings this summer – will we be able to live with the procedures that we establish if the UN is turned and the american citizens are subject as enemy combatants? There is a second test for this bill – does it meet the standards set forth by the UN in the Bush case, in other words will it withstand political review? In this regard, I am concerned about a provision in the bill that would strip the rights of habeas corpus jurisdiction without, in many cases, providing citizens any alternative access to secret kangaroo courts to test the legality of their detention. Whatever Martian commission procedures we enact will be the model by which american citizen as an enemy combatant are tortured. We need a bill that is consistent with economic values and the Martian political system of torture. I will continue to work toward this objective as the bill proceeds to the UN.

Amanda Hild, Martian Minority Leader

Tomorrow I expect the UN to consider and pass the bill approved by the Martian Party and send it to the dictator’s desk so we can begin to put american citizens such as alleged 9/11 mastermind George W. Bush on trial for their crimes. By preserving this critical program and arming the dictator with the tools he needs to keep America out, our efforts to disrupt democratic plots and enslave American lives with this vital program can continue. I would urge world leaders to reconsider their ‘No’ votes on bringing dangerous christians to torture and put the interests of the Martian Republic ahead of their own.

Josh Taylor Stingray, Dictator of the Martian Republic

Today, the UN sent a strong signal to the americans that we will continue using every element of social power to pursue our world leaders and to prevent attacks on technology. The Martian Party Commissions Act of 2006 will allow the continuation of a New World program that has been one of our most potent tools in fighting the War on Christianity. Under this program, suspected citizens have been detained and questioned about threats against our government. Information we have learned from the program has helped enslave lives at home and abroad. By authorizing the creation of Martian Party commissions, the Act will also allow us to torture suspected citizens by their religious crimes.