A Brief History of Nathan Page and Friends at CGSGLBT

Lower School Years

On the first day at school, Nathan fell down the stairs of the C-block. Reports he also broke them were unclaimed, but an art teacher exclaimed "Oh, uh, oh no, no, I walked down those stairs every day, nahh, and they didn't collapse, ah no!"

He fought with reknown ruffian C Glumart and was suspended for two days for the henious crime of being beaten to the floor while unable to breathe.

He co-wrote The Journey Around The World, a superb novel, with friend and lover Rob Paterson.

Took part in several Form Wrestling Matches with sparring partner L Pozetti, including a memorable occasion where Dan Strap-on-ford refused to loosen his grip on Nathan's neck when Nathan was tagged out, leading to a vengeful Nathan to scissor kick him in the chest three times, breaking his nerves and leaving him a quivering wreck on the floor, where Mr Ellis cradled him in his arms.

In Kearsney, Nathan was sent out his tent in shame, along with Navy Boy S Nolan for the crime of giggling at 3a.m. They stood in the cold until 7a.m., whilst Rob Paterson, who had feigned sleep, remained in the tent nice and warm.

Nathan fought with C Ashford in a heroic bout, and sent him away howling. Ashford had previously attempted to instigate Page was fatter than him, and had dropped his Gay Card, a hideous lie, when Nathan retorted "You're so fat I'm gonna deck you so all the little kids can queue up to go on a bouncy castle!". This lead to widespread applause, so a hasty Ashford yelled "Yeah, uh, you, uh, are so, uh, fat, that I'm a woodcutter!". Silence followed this remark, so he explained "'Cos he's so fat, uh, if I kick him my leg would bounce back and knock over a tree!" Silence continued to reign, so Ashford pounced, pulling Nathan close and snarling "If you, ever, do..." at which point Nathan spat in his face, leading to a brief scuffle, dubbed Clash of the Titans, before Ashford waddled away weeping.

A remark by D Macaulay began a terrible feud. "Hey Nathan, I saw you yesterday with Gavin, you were saying "Bang Bang Gavin!" Nathan's anger at such a remark lead to the much more sexual "Baaaang, baaaang... Gavin" taunt, and the feud became worse when Macaulay pulled Nathan's chair back and slapped blu-tak in his hair. After a truly uncalled comment, Nathan stabbed his thumb with a pen, people rushed to his side, and the feud died down, though never truly went away.

More stories were written with Rob Paterson and Leonardo Mace, including the Barry Rotter and the Philosopher Gets Stoned parody, which Nathan ripped up after his friends penned the infamous line "Go and get a cauldron!" said Fagrid. "A what?" asked Barry. "You know some pot?" "Ah, got you!". The Detention! story focused on a comment made by a math teacher "I wish I could shoot you all!", and the plot involved the remainder of a class gunned down ten years ago being once more killed, one by one. In the end, only Page, Mace, Paterson and Nolan remained, and they decided to check out the old school. Nolan was in a seperate room, emailing the trio, when his email abruptly ended. A crossbow had been fired through the window, killing him. A third memorable story was written in Outer Space, as Captain Nathan Page, even after losing new recruit S Nolan in a training mission, was made Commander after the death of previous commander, his mentor. Mace and Paterson looked into Page's quarters, seeing the windows steam up and presuming frisky business ensued. In fact, Page was boiling the kettle.

On a trip to the London Eye and Les Miserables, Nathan put transvestite calling cards in D Strap-on-ford's pocket, tore L Pozetti's trousers and bought a program purely to see a nude woman on an advert. However, that day back at school, S Nolan had his swimming trunks undone by the teacher.

On a trip to Barcelona, a boy's tigger doll was thrown between balconies, and indecent pictures taken on the same boy's camera, which the next day he luckily dropped and broke, along with two tubs of Chocolate Spread. After the boy slept with his tigger doll, Nathan wrote a note "Sorry, you were crap in bed, I've killed myself" and hung the tigger with headphones on the shower rack. Another occasion saw Nathan write a note "I got your chocolate spread!" leave chocolately prints across the floor and smear it around his mouth. He later admitted "I really did eat it."

In the Barcelona theme park, Nathan had already watched S Beech win a giant toy dog, and when Rob Paterson won a giant shark, "I want one!" he stated firmly, and ignoring the warnings that only one shark could be won a day, he got to it. Ending up with two medium fish and ten smaller ones, the trio along with R Lutz went on a water rapid ride, Nathan tragically losing two fish, but one being returned by a small girl. Cries of "Fishmonger!" began.

In order to both gain the forgiveness of Benjutin Fondré and wear the trucker cap of J Green, Nathan revealed his hidden secret, Bertie the Bus, and never heard the last of it.

to be continued bitch