The Journey Around The World
From Pirate Bitch
The Journey Around The World is a novel written by Rob Paterson and Nathan Page. it is FLIPPING AWESOME!
Four mismatched companions spend their lottery winnings on bogus "Around the World" tickets after blowing up their house, but decide to use them anyway. After blowing up a priceless green exploding jewel, they go on the run, eventually totalling a vast amount of enemies. They travel to different countries, each country being a new chapter, and each bringing a new hilarious adventure before they eventually return home and capture some drug barons to pay of their debts.
Contents |
Plot
The Foursome
Cecil
Eggbert
Walter
'Ickle
Other Characters
Chapters
1. Money Problems
After Cecil falls down the stairs and inadvertently knocks down the entire house bar the front door, a displeased Eggbert reveals he had just won £10,000 on the lottery. Determined to still spend it on a treat rather than repairs, they go for a walk to think of a way to get around these financial issues. Cecil is conned by a seedy gentleman to buying "All inclusive 'Round the World tickets", £2,500. Upon learning of Cecil's purchase, he is beaten severely. Eggbert insists they all go get jobs, leaving Cecil to guard the ruins of their house. This is unsuccessful; Walter gets fired from a freak show as "The Man Who Never Stops Eating" after stopping eating for a toilet break; 'Ickle is fired from McDonalds after noone could see him behind the counter, and Eggbert's unpatented invention is stolen, half his measly £200 earnings used to get Cecil out of jail after he inexplicably broke into a house and set fire to it. After a further beating, Cecil suggests using the tickets. "They're damn well fake!" shouts an irate Eggbert, but Cecil insists "Noone knows that!". Struck by this genius, they pack their bags and hire a car with the ticket, driving away as the man notices they're fake.
2. The Explosive Jewel
As they drive up North, Cecil hurls firecrackers into open windows and gardens, unsuprisingly alerting the police, Cecil blowing up their tyres and sending it spinning into the Police HQ. Meanwhile, in the town museum, the "8th Wonder of the World", a large green jewel found in an Egyptian tomb is being displayed, both priceless and explosive. "Don't worry though, it needs a big jolt to go off!" laughs the Tour Guide. Eggbert's car then smashes through the wall, and knocks the jewel over, luckily not setting it off. Cecil is dragged away screaming as the tour guide proudly announces it survived the blast, unitl a police car crashes through and hits it. Kaboom! They see the jewel in five parts flung across the globe.
3. Bonnie Wee Scotland
Still hounded by police, the four steal a new car from an old lady, and flee as she is hit by the following police car, allowing them to escape. After Cecil begs to go to Scotland, Eggbert reads the tickets, which allow any transport and accomodation free. They "pay" for a hotel, and get the biggest and best rooms, although 'Ickle is unable to climb into his bed. They then trash the room, and blow up a tea party, so decide maybe they should do something. Eggbert suggests the Highland Games, and they enter Walter in a cable toss event. However, Walter, after being dared by Cecil, eats the haggis' from the Haggis Eating competition and is too bloated, so they enter Cecil instead. Cecil is up against Angus McKiller, and as the bagpipes blare they shock him, and he makes Angus toss his cable into the stand, which rolls down the hill into Loch Ness. At Loch Ness, Nessie was rearing her head for the first time ever when the stand splashed down and ruined everyone's picture; except Cecil, who got a clear shot. They hurry back to the developing lab, and begin to develop the film. Cecil decides to play "Spinning tops" where he spins 'til he is dizzy, unfortunately hitting the fire alarm and turning on the sprinklers, blotting the photo.Now chased by an angry mob who wishes them harm, they flee onto the Highlands, resting by a herd of sheep. Cecil spots the only Tartan sheep in the world, and as Eggbert rushes to appease the mob with tales of this discovery, Cecil puts a firecracker where the sun doth not shine, and rockets the sheep into the sky. Eggbert returns with the mob, and Cecil distracts them long enuogh by watercolouring a normal sheep. As they flee, Cecil trips through thistles, under missle fire, but they drag him along as they drive off. They decide to travel to Ireland, although Cecil insists he'd prefer a hospital.
4. Lucky Leprechauns
5. And The Stones Came Tumblin' Down...
6. Across The Channel
7. Bonjour France
8. Au Revoir France
9. The Sausage Trail
10. Mission Impossible
11. Cuckoo (We're Not Talking About Cecil)
12. Fallen Tower of Pisa
13. Ibiza... Or Is It?
14. The Grave Robber's Gem
15. Crocodile Dun-For
16. Another Drop in the Sea
17. Boomerang Bonanza
18. Frozen on the Way to America
19. Untitled
20. On The Way Home
21. Home Sweet Home
