Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders
From Pirate Bitch
Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders is a school in the delightful suburb of Medway, in Kent. The Medway river is the only river in the world you can walk on, and appears to be a living organism. This was deemed to be a perfect enviroment to raise children up properly in their studies. Lionel Donatello Marshmallow founded the school in 1066, and is still headmaster to this day. It was originally a school for Wizardry and Witchcraft, but there was already a school up in Scotland of this type, so the school was changed to be for people of a sexual nature.
It was discovered that during the Second World War, pupils were tied to staff to act as shields should the Germans invade.
The school was mostly famous for an extraordinary event involving an Exploding Pigeons, that killed several students and closed the school for four minutes, until 1996.
In 1996, ex-pupil and acclaimed director Garald S Kirk made a documentary highlighting the pagan activities and infidel burnings that went on at the school, as well as uncovering sordid assualts upon pupils by several members of staff. Heroic and famed teacher Zebediah Zane left the school in disgust. The rumour that if they left the school it would crumble into ruin proved true, and as they walked out the gate the P-block fell onto the Q-block, the B-block burnt down in flames, the S-block was rocketed into the air a few feet before crushing a good portion of the H-block, the F-block did indeed crumble into ruin, and the D-block just vanished without trace. Numerous students and staff were lost in the tragedy. Another much loved teacher, Mr McG, rounded up all the remaining monstrous members of the staff who had partook in such sordid activities, and sold them to a zoo, before too, leaving the school. As he left, every stone upon the ground turned into jelly, before all the trees uprooted themselves and marched down to the Co-op to buy a Yazoo milkshake and a packet of Monster Munch.
The school was a smoking ruins for several months. Marshmallow and his minimal remaining staff went quite insane with despair. The also minimal amount of surviving students were given their lessons in their teacher's cars. This practise was discouraged after the illegitimate children of Nathan Page, Turner Page and Paige Page, got chocolate on Mr Marshmallow's new upholstery. In 2000, the school recieved the lowest ever Ofsted Inspection grade, a B-minus.
However, in the following years, the school began to improve. In the year of the disaster, they had only 15 students, and by 2003 they had 16. A new-block was built, the I(invisible)-block, but it was never seen again (See CGSGLBT School Buildings).
In 2004, the school was on the road to recovery, and classes were returning to normal. An inspector said "I estimate that, in terms of millions of years, the school will be back to normal in two, maybe three, possibly four."
In 2005, some remaining buildings of the original school were used as a filming set for Garald S Kirk comedy sketch show Warning: May Contain Nuts, which saw the return of Zebidiah Zane to the school as the 'Headmaster' to Jamie Tuffield's humourous teacher Mr. Wittiker. Upon his return, flowers bloomed whereever he trod, and a golden ray of sunshine illuminated Zane. He was begged by Marshmallow, nowadays a dishevelled and frightened chap, to return to the school. He was blatantly a messiah, Marshmallow declared, here to save the school. Would he not become the new Headmaster? Zane declined this offer, however, and flew off in his spaceship, after assuring Mr Marshmallow and the now 17-strong throng of pupils that one day, he would return.
Other famous ex-pupils include former Prime Minister Rob Paterson, popular television personalities and sex sirens Jamie Tuffield, Christian "Melvyn" Hometree, Chloétta Fourtrees, Victoria Streets, Gladys Nicholson, Michael Burton and Count Nicholaus Watson, rather less popular personality Nathan Page, actors Daniel Ratt-tay and Sam Weston, shop tycoon Leonardo Mace, musician Benjutin Fondré, and various other people such as Alexander Petrie-Pink. Harry Potter is also rumoured to have been a pupil at the school.
