User talk:Calvin Coolidge
From Create Your Own Story
I'm just popping in to say that as a fellow newcomer (and former long, long, looong term lurker) it's good to see someone with a good sense for making Choose your Own Adventure Games. I've been playing through your Escape from Syria, and I must say it's time well spent; and since I haven't seen anybody else pop up to comment on it yet I figured I had to give you some due feedback to it.
Firstly, it really is a marvelous game for a first time. It's bit on the short side, but even considering the shortness you do a great job fleshing out the situations, the choices, and the characters. The fact that this is on a rather ugly and current situation just makes that more impressive. I'm a die hard history otaku, poli-military-intel fan (and- disclaimer- a strong NeoCon), and it's a relief to see a player character in the Mature/Adult sections who isn't *just* a vehicle for this or that sexual situation, and the issues in the MidEast being done justice. All of the choices were well versed out, and at times it seemed a bit cutthroat on the Game Overs, but overall each decision made a lot of sense and the outcomes were logical.
Ditto regarding your writing. There's definite room for improvement, but it's worlds apart from some of the tripe that gets posted on this website, or even on more respectable things like FF.net or Fiction press. Clean, mostly free of issues, and surprisingly evocative. A good show by any means. I loved how you could capture characters in relatively brief descriptions, and how you could make both battle, sex, and other things exciting without being exploitive or going over the Mature line.
Of the criticisms, I'd have to say that while the number of choices you gave were refreshing and broad in some cases, in others it seemed to tread terribly close to the vaunted "only one option to proceed" syndrome a lot of these things come to. Furthermore, if I'm honest I really would like some more description and length in the pages.
On a more superficial, subjective, and nitpicky level... these two are more of a symptom of the greater issue I'll get to. But first, Alia really did interest me, as she stands out as the single strongest NPC in the game so far. I would've liked to see more of her, and optimally see her as a Romance Option for Rania. Granted, I am into that so I'm not objective, but she did fascinate me and strike me as complimentary to her. C
Secondly, maybe it's my ultra-sensitive California-grade cringe meter going, but it seems like seeing some male characters with similar depth would've been interesting. It seems like the most we get for them are poor Spider and some generic terrorists. Don't get me wrong: I'm not even remotely under the impression you are biased. I think you did justice to them as they stand; I just think it would've been interesting to see the world be fleshed out more.
But really, both of those issues stem from the fact that it's really short. I reached the end(s) fairly quickly, and when I got there I wanted to keep going. No such thing as too much of something good, right? So that alone should tell you you've done something good.
Sorry for the wall of text, but I just wanted to give you some feedback and inspiration. If nothing else, I'm one person who'd be interested in seeing your contributions later.
Regards!
--Turtler 00:38, 26 July 2013 (UTC)
Your story has been featured!
Calvin Coolidge, I am pleased to announce that your story, Escape from Syria, has been featured! You should be glad. Here's the specifics:
- The length of text on each page gives it the feel of a true story, rather than mostly options. With so much details, your pages feel like more two.
- You story length is suitable. It has survived the Pit of Abandoned Stories and has over 100 pages. This makes it a good candidate for featuring.
- Your story is good enough for the front page, and has been there for 3 years. I had decided to read it, and I don't regret it.
Also, another good note: it replaced the story Remember due to the above reasons being fuller than Remember's.
Have a good time writing, and good luck! --Magikarp7297, the Wild Card 07:14, 24 September 2018 (UTC)
