Other Character Email Red/Purple

From Umcom

{We start at Red in front of Black's house with the burning black shirts from the last email. Black is behind his black shirt stand staring at the shirts.}

BLACK:You're insane! WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY AND LET THEM WEAR WHAT THEY WANT!!

RED:Because-um...what am I doing? I should go beyond this area. I've lived in Impasse since 19?8, and I barely leave! I should go to the desert that's up ahead!

BLACK:SURE! JUST GET OUT PHYSCOPATH!

{Cut to Red in Green's house talking to Green.}

RED:Let me through Green face!

GREEN:Really!?

RED:Yes.

GREEN:After you got me stuffed up a chimney and shot out?

{Red stabs Green in the gut with his spear and puts it in the switch. Cut to outside. A green bridge appears. Red walks out and goes across the bridge to see a desert.}

RED:Woah. It's different out here. It's 103 degrees. I should take off my moustache.

{Green runs up to him with a bandages around his stomach.}

GREEN:Hey thanks for THE STAB!

REDOh right. Sorry about that. I've never done anything like that before.

GREEN:Well i'm glad your first time was so rewarding. Now can I at least come?

REDSure.

GREEN:Okay.

{They start walking past palm trees and stuff. They stop at a red palmed tree.}

RED:Beatiful color.

GREEN:I don't wanna look at that horid color.

VOICE:Humm...

REDWhadacraps?

{They walk a bit more to see Yellow,Pink,Black and a purple clothed guy with a spear, a moustache, a purple guitar and black hair.}

RED:Uhh...what are you guys doin' here?

BLACK:Oh great. It's crazy.

RED:Shut up.

PURPLE CLOTHED GUY:{Singing} HIIII!!!

{He plays some guitar.}

PURPLE:I'M PURPLE! I'M PURPLE! OOOHHH!!!

{He plays a wicked solo.}

GREEN:That was pretty good Purple. Now what are you guys doing here?

PINK:Going our separate ways. I wanna go to outer space. It's gonna be faboulous!

{He gets in a pink rocket ship and turns on YMCA. He blasts off.}

BLACK:I'm going to King Sammer to claim my worthyness of the treasure! It's black gold.

RED:Umm...Eddie Murphy?

BLACK:NO! Oil.

{He gets in a cool black car with spinners and turns on "sodierboy" and drives off.}

YELLOW:I'm going to find Merlee in her mansion. Then i'm gonna have a PARTY! There.

{He gets in an old yellow car and starts driving away.}

PURPLE:I'M GONNA GO TO...

{Back up singers come.}

BACKUP 1 PLAYED BY NEIL FLYNN:I'M GONNA GO TO...

BACK UP 2:I'M GONNA GO TO...

:PURPLE:THE deh eh eh eh...eh eh esert. Desert!

{He runs offscreen. Jerry Seinfeld comes in.}

JERRY SEINFELD:{Jerry Seinfeld noises}

RED:Wrong email show.

{He leaves. Red and Green walk to feet and then see Purple again.}

PURPLE:Hi-i-i-i...ho-ho-ho-ho!

{Short guitar solo.}

GREEN:Uhh...yo?

PURPLE:I WILL JOIN YOU ON YOUR ADVENTURE!! We...will have...fuuuuuuuuun...

{Purple has joined your party!}

RED:Great. Now, we must head into the deep/dark abyys.

{One explosively exciting adventure later, with surround sound and Emmy-Nominated Writing, we see Red with his clothes ripped and holding a sign that says "Interrupted Sentence!" and Purple with his guitar smashed as well as his hair style slightly shaggier. And Green looks exactly the same.}

RED:-Aget. That's why Bob Saget won't go to my birthday party.

PURPLE:Uggh...I'm saaaaad....

{Cut to Red at his computer.}

RED:That was one hell of an adventure, with Julia Roberts guest starring! Woot!

{The red paper comes down.}