Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/300 years old
From Umcom
FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 2007
{We start at a email close up on the Skypy on a rock. Airstar sits down on a rock and types in "airstaremail2007"}
AIRSTAR:My 20th email, is in a hole. That sucks. Like, Jay Leno.
Dear Airstar Flyer,
I can't believe Your goggles have gone up.
Have you ever heard of the Nassis!!!
I am turnting 300!!!
The TAKS test!
{Airstar pronounces "turnting" as spelled.}
AIRSTAR:Woah. The TAKS test is 300 years old? I use to take the TAKS test when I lived in Texas. But they have the GAKS test here in-place that...i'm not gonna tell you what state we live in. Shut up. Okay...I can't beleive my blimp's goggles have gone up either, TAKSy. In fact, Th Chuck!
{Cut to a wide shot. Airstar looks at The Chuck.}
AIRSTAR:Goggle report, The Chuck?
THE CHUCK:Meh! The goggles are still way up. Which is causing problems with us trying to get outta here. Also, Strong Sad has been cursed. By Nassis. They're like Nazis but, not. They hate a different kind of people. Guys that are of Homestar descent. So, every guy that is related to Homestar Runner.
AIRSTAR:Hey, the TAKS test asked me if I heard of the Nassis. Maybe he's a part of it.
THE CHUCK:The president is Darknight Creeper.
AIRSTAR:Aha!
THE CHUCK:The vice president is Water Bad. The secratary of state is Strong Bad. And the Secratary of defense is the TAKS test.
AIRSTAR:I knew it!
THE CHUCK:They're celabrating his 300th birthday today, March 2nd, 2007.
AIRSTAR:You are like an information machine, The Chuck.
{Airstar turns back to the computer and starts typing.}
AIRSTAR:Hey, crapface! Why don't you blow it out you're butt! We are strong! We will defeat you! We are egh-
{The hole starts rumbling and shaking. Airstar looks up to see the blimp moving upwards. Airstar gets up.}
AIRSTAR:WHAT IN FRIG'S CRAP?!?
{The blimp is thrown out of the hole. And at the top of the hole is Water Bad,Strong Bad,the TAKS test, and Darknight creeper with a crane right next to em'.}
DARKNIGHT:FOUND YA! YOU MALE RUNNER RELATIVE! AND MY WORST ENEMY!
TAKS TEST:JUST BECAUSE I'M 300, DOESN'T MEAN I COULDN'T KICK YOU'RE BUTT!
WATER BAD:HELLOTE, AIRSTAR! PREPARE TO BE RESOLVED!
STRONG BAD:YEAH, LOSER! LISTEN TO MY COUSIN! HE HAS STINKOMAN HAIR AND BUG EYES AND RED PANTS AND A BLUE MASK WITH A GRAY EMBLEM!
AIRSTAR:I CAN SEE THAT! BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CAPTURE US?! YOU'RE ALL THE WAY UP THERE! I'M LOW DOWN HERE!
WATER BAD:CRAP! HE'S RIGHT!
DARKNIGHT:WHY ARE YOU YELLING WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT TO ME?!
WATER BAD:Sorry. Anyway, how are we gonna capture him?
DARKNIGHT:Using the Flagship of the Nassis! "The Green Latte'" Go get the ship, TAKS test!
TAKS TEST:Oh, alright.
{The TAKS test walks away. He comes back 10 seconds later with a green plane that shoots a net at Airstar and the gang, capturing them. Cut to inside the net. The Skypy is in there with Airstar,The Chuck and Schoolstar. The Skypy is a bit more damaged.}
AIRSTAR:I was captured by madmen 10 emails ago! Is this a pattern?
THE CHUCK:Meeehmehmenammeh!
AIRSTAR:English, please!
THE CHUCK:Meh! Oh, right. Um...I don't know what they're gonna do to us. Besides, you know, killing us.
SCHOOLSTAR:Um, this net isn't too strong you know.
AIRSTAR:Hey! You're right! Anybody got a knife.
VOICE:I have one! A pocket knife!
AIRSTAR:Huh?
{A normal human middle aged man with dark white skin, a gelly haircut, and a Homestar Run t-shirt with pants walks up to Airstar.}
MAN:Hey. Here's a pocket knife. Name's Bill.
{He takes out a silver pocket knife and hands it to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Wow, Bill. You are prepared.
BILL:Lotta people are prepared. Like Wong Kaltussy.
{Cut to a city street. The bottom of the screen says "Tokyo, Japan 1945" A japanese guy walks to his car. A car zooms by and splashes mud on him.}
JAPANESE MAN:Augh! You son of a fruit! I'm prepared!
{He takes out a knife and throws it at the car. He trys to open his car door but it won't budge.}
JAPANESE MAN:Arrg! Good thing I brought an extra key.
{He takes out a key and a small plane hits and crushes him suddenly.}
JAPANASE MAN:Wasn't prepared for th-thaaaaat! Ugh...
{The screen goes black and displays the words "Wong Kaltussy 1899-1945 he will be missed" Cut back to Airstar and the rest in the net.}
BILL:Well, let's do this.
{Airstar cuts the net and they all fall right next to Bubs's Stand. They wake up two hours later. Bubs is looking at them.}
AIRSTAR:Uggh...
SCHOOLSTAR:My head...
BILL:And my clavicus...majorus.
THE CHUCK:Meh...
BUBS:Don't worry you juys! I'll go get the best surgeon in the room, Dr.T-Doggin!
{Bubs runs away. Airstar and the rest get up.}
BILL:Well, before I go, there's something I need to tell you about. There is a salt pale at the Nassi base. It needs to be held by you very soon. Go get it. Here's a map.
{Bill hands them a map and walks away.}
AIRSTAR:A salt pale? Why is that so important? Anyway...Schoolstar! You stay here and think of a better shirt to wear!
SCHOOLSTAR:Ah man!
{Airstar and The Chuck walk away. As they walk, they talk.}
AIRSTAR:So, this salt pale better mean the end of society if we don't get it. Or else i'll go all up on Bill's case.
THE CHUCK:Meh. This salt pale sounds ser-spicous. I bet it contains Lucifer Eggplant. He was my buddy when I was a kid.
AIRSTAR:Well i'm sure it's legitamate. Nows, onto this place type!
{Cut to Darknight and Air Bad in a labratory. They are looking at a male Homestar-type in a tube with water filling it.}
DARKNIGHT:OKAY TAKS TEST! HAVE YOU'RE OLDER BROTHER SAT HELP YOU CARRY THE NET PRISONERS!
TAKS TEST:BUT THEY'RE NOT IN THE NET! MAYBE THEY HAD A KNIFE!
DARKNIGHT:THEY'RE NOT IN THE NET?! SON OF A FRUIT!! WHY?!
{The TAKS test walks up to Darknight.}
TAKS TEST:YEP I DEFINETLY SEE A BROKEN NET!
DARKNIGHT:ONCE AGAIN! I'M RIGHT HERE!
TAKS TEST:Sorry. Anyway, they broke out.
DARKNIGHT:Crap! Send out extra forces!
TAKS TEST:Yes sir!
{A bunch of um...pigeons dressed in green Nassi outfits fly out the window-type.}
DARKNIGHT:Pigeons? Are you fruiting serious?
TAKS TEST:That's the only thing I could afford on a five dollar budget.
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck in the white house.}
AIRSTAR:Why are we in the White House?
THE CHUCK:Meh! Wer'e trying to get the salt pale!
AIRSTAR:But we're in The White House! Not the Nassi palace. That's more confusing than that time 2008 Airstar time tarveled to his nineth email and talked to me.
THE CHUCK:But wer're in the Nassi's white room.
AIRSTAR:Oh! That's more confusing than Bill Cosby when he talks.
{Darknight bursts in the room with his army of pigeons.}
DARKNIGHT:STOP THROWING AROUND RANDOM AMERICAN REFRENCES! OH, AND GET OUT! Stay away from the salt pale. PIGEONS!!
{The pigeons start pecking them to death}
AIRSTAR:AGGGGG! THIS HURTS MORE THAN WATCHING ANDY BARKER P.I. ON NBC!!!
DARKNIGHT:Yes!! YES!!! Yes.
{The TAKS test comes in.}
TAKS TEST:That last yes was awkward.
DARKNIGHT:You will be put in a torture cell Airstar! Or should I say Garestar!
AIRSTAR:That's like a Jay leno joke dude!
DARKNIGHT:Well at least I don't have Carrottop jokes!
JOEL:{Offscreen} Refrencing is my stitch! Uhhhh...
DARKNIGHT:Let's fight! In a anime sequence!
{long pause}
AIRSTAR:No.
DARKNIGHT:Wow. This is awkward. Um, wanna get ice cream?
AIRSTAR:Um, what'll happen next email?!!!
{The paper comes down.}
DARKNIGHT:Hey!
[edit] Fun Facts
Jay Leno is a late night talk show host and an unnotable lawyer in Sacremento.
The TAKS test is the Texas Assesment of Knowledge and Skills, which I take.
A Latte' is some sorta coffee.
Bill is based on my dad.
The "salt pale" is a parody of the Sugar Bowl from the books of the series, "A series of unfortunate events", it is acctauly just used as a plot device to keep the characters motivated.
The crazy astronaut in diapers is a an astronaut who drove across the country not even stopping to go to the bathroom, hence:diapers, to find a man she loved.
Bill Cosby is a guy.
Andy Barker.
Carrot.
Joel from Bonus Stage.
