Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/WINGS

From Umcom

{Airstar, who now has a half-beard, is sitting on his couch, watching TV when The Chuck comes in with the FCUSA Times.}

THE CHUCK: MEH! Look at the headline!

{He grabs the newspaper.}

AIRSTAR Woah! Newspaper industry bleeding to death?

THE CHUCK: No, go to page 2b.

{He flips the pages.}

AIRSTAR: Chapman Brothers maternity leave extended four months?

THE CHUCK: MEHHH! No, go to 134z.

(He flips to the back.}

AIRSTAR: Okay, here it is! Right in the irrelevant news section. Purge ends??? WHAT?

THE CHUCK:Meh! I know right?

AIRSTAR:No, I mean what is the purge?

THE CHUCK:When Joshua decided to f**k everything up by purging the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki of everything s**tty.

AIRSTAR:That's weird, we don't live near the trains. Come to think of it, we don't even have any trains in FCUSA.

{The Chuck points to the newspaper.}

THE CHUCK: We do now.

AIRSTAR: KOT approves Train subsidies. Wow, I didn't the King could actually, do anything. I actually though he died like three years ago.

THE CHUCK: MEEEHHH! OFF TRACK! E-MAIL! CHECK IT NOW!

AIRSTAR: Will do!

{He speeds off. Cut to the Computer room. The computer looks fine. Airstar walks in and sits down.}

AIRSTAR:...What? You guys really though I wouldn't use my computer for 2 years just because my e-mails were no longer broadcast? God.

{He brings up E-mail.}

AIRSTAR: E to the check in the new dec-ade.

Hello!
You there!
I'm guessing you like flying, I can fly too, cuz I gots me some good wings! Hey, why don't you modify your propellor hat to make
you fly?
Cheers,
Zarel Lewis, the wind dragon

AIRSTAR: You're guessing I like flying? No s**t Sherlock. Holmes. The investigator. Did the blimp tip you off? How 'bout the name? AIRstar FLYer. Hmm...so, yes. I enjoy flying. And gliding. So, naturally flying propeller hats would be a good idea. So, yes, Zarel Lewis, CNN contributor, flying using my hat would be good and fun, but you also have to look at the dangers. For example, my Greek ancestor Airkarus, was known for creating a pair of wings to fly over the land, but then he rose just a little to close to the sun, and pop! Down like a missile. Plus, he had to go through this needlessly complicated security checkpoint.

{Cut to Airstar-looking guy in a toga with homemade wings donning his back. He is going through a column in Greece, and a Toga security guard is checking under his wings.}

AIRKARUS:Ugghhh...no, I don't have a bow and arrow under my wing, that would completely impede my ability to fly with these two loosely-strung peices of feather and sticks.

TOGA GUARD:Sir, this is mandatory. Just, calm down.

AIRKARUS:(sigh...}

{Cut back to Airstar at the computer.}

AIRSTAR: You know what though, you're right. I should make this flying propeller cap and use it no matter how dangerously unstable it turns out to be!

{Zoom out to see The Chuck there. Airstar turns around.}

THE CHUCK: Meh! You should host a dinner party to show it off!

AIRSTAR:I should! Go get the plates, wine and akward conversation because we're hosting a Grand Invention kick-off Dinner Party! Invite people, make the food, clean this blimp up and make goodie bags, The Chuck! Oh and set the tables.

THE CHUCK:{Annoyed.} You're basically asking me to do everything.

AIRSTAR:Yep. Or Schoolstar could do it.

{Schoolstar runs in.}

SCHOOLSTAR:I WILL DO IT! I WILL DO IT ALL! LOVE ME! LOVE MEEEEE!!!

AIRSTAR:OKAY OKAY! You can do it. Jesus.

SCHOOLSTAR: I WILL NOT FAIL YOU!

{He speeds away. Cut to the Dinner party. Strong Bad, Stacy, Schoolstar, Homestar, Bubs, The Chuck, Homsar44withpie, Marzipan and Pom-Pom are all socializing with nice clothes on in the dining room of the blimp. That's right.}

SCHOOLSTAR:So, Stacy. This is a pretty rockin' party, huh?

STACY: Yeah, honey. I love it.

SCHOOLSTAR:I did pretty much everything to make it so awesome.

STACY:Wow, you did a good job baby.

{Airstar comes in to talk to The Chuck.}

AIRSTAR:I can't believe that Stacy went for him instead of me. Stupid Schoolstar. When they hooked up at the Christmas party two years ago, my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach, where it was digested and broken down my chemical enyzmes and excreted. Which is why I trust my blood-pumping needs to HouseStar. I just hope they don't foreclose on my heart. I can't afford the mortgage I put down on it.

THE CHUCK: Don't worry. I have a plan. Meh mah mah!

{The Chuck runs over to Schoolstar and puts a gun to Stacy's leg.}

THE CHUCK: EVERYBODY HIT THE F**KING DECK!

{Everybody screams and drops to the ground except Airstar.}

AIRSTAR:NOO! WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?

THE CHUCK:I'M WINNING HER BACK FOR YOU!!!

STACY:I WAS NEVER WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

THE CHUCK:SHUT UP BITCH!

AIRSTAR:THE CHUCK, THIS IS NOT AT ALL THE WAY TO DO THIS! LET HER GO!

THE CHUCK:Okay...{drops the gun.}

AIRSTAR:Okay good.

STACY: What the hell is this all about?

AIRSTAR: This crap is about us. You and I should be together not you and dumpface McJohnson over there.

{Camera pans to Strong Sad in a tuxedo.}

STRONG SAD:Oh, hi!

AIRSTAR:No, not you. Mr.Greeny McDumpy Dump.

{The Camera pans to Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Oh, hellor!

AIRSTAR:NO! I meant underbite Mcthomason.

{The Camera pans to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD:Uhh...what? Why did the camera pan to me? Out of all underbites in this room it panned to me. I'm not even one of them.

AIRSTAR:You know who i'm referring too.

SCHOOLSTAR: So you sent The Chuck over here to take my girlfriend hostage?

AIRSTAR:No, he acted on his own free will. Oh, by the way everyone, it's time to unveil my flying machine!

SCHOOLSTAR:Do you think it's really the right time to do that considering what just happened?

AIRSTAR:SHUT UP! Yes it is. Let's do this.

{Out of his coat he pulls a red and white propeller cap with what appears to be a mangled blade taken from a helicopter and puts it on his head.}

AIRSTAR:Ta-da!

HOMESTAR: Where...did you get that thing?

AIRSTAR:That is unimportant. Let's test it out. The Chuck, throw me off the blimp and I will fly high.

THE CHUCK:Yeah, I could do that, or I could give you peyote and then do that. Then it does feel like your soaring like an eagle. Before you die. Again.

AIRSTAR:I don't need peyote, all I need is for you to throw me out the blimp.

THE CHUCK: To your death.

AIRSTAR:No, to my life.

THE CHUCK: Uhg...where did you get the blade?

AIRSTAR: Off of a decommisioned F-77 from Afghanistan.

THE CHUCK: Okay, that's a serious federal crime.

AIRSTAR: They will never know. Now, I must fly.

{Airstar leans over to jump, but just falls over with the weight of the blade onto the ground.}

AIRSTAR:...Ow.

{Everyone sighs and walks away. The paper comes down.}