Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/The Contest
From Umcom
{We start at Airstar,The Chuck,Schoolstar and Darktower at a stand in the feild that says "Airstarmy Recruitment" with a poster of "Uncle Chuck" who is basically The Chuck with Uncle Sam clothes on, pointing with the words "WE WANT YOU! Nearest recruiting station. Right here". If you don't know what's going on, read emails 47 and 48.}
AIRSTAR:I was hoping to get the support of the Homestarmy. Have they called back yet?
DARKTOWER:No sir.
AIRSTAR:Alright tell me if they do. Remind me again, who do we have for the Airstarmy so far?
DARKTOWER:{Holds up peice of paper} Airstar Flyer,Schoolstar Squiggle,The Chuck Lastnameson and Darktower Darker.
AIRSTAR:Oh. Well i'm gonna check my email.
{He gets out his Skypy. Cut to the standard email checking shot. He clicks on the icon.}
AIRSTAR:We want you! For the Airstar email. Nearest recruiting station.
Dear ol' Airstar,Zomg there a bomb in your pants!
Mrs. Contestholderson.
Anyway, you won the chance of a lifetime to win a billions dollah.
You just have to stay in a submarine for a week. Without leaving.
Can you do it?
AIRSTAR:First of all, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??! Second of all, third of all, I have a bomb in my pants? But I don't have pants.
HOMESTAR:{Offscreen} Alright, maggot!
{Cut to normal view. The entire Homestarmy is in front of the stand.}
HOMESTAR:We can make you believe that you have pants if you join the Homestarmy!
AIRSTAR:Homestar! We need your Homestarmy to join the Airstarmy so we can get my blimp back from Superdude and his Mafia.
HOMESTAR:Hmm...what's in it for me?
AIRSTAR:I'll let you-
HOMESTAR:It's a deal! I'll join!
AIRSTAR:Oh, o-okay.
HOMSAR:AaAaaAaAaAaaAh! I'll get the baggy pirate wolf from snail-mail 27+12.
DARKTOWER:We still have other military powers to grab the support of. The Municipality,The Strong Badian Shady Missionaries-I mean mercanaries, the Sams, The Joshes, the U.S. Military,The Portugese Military,the Salvation army, the list goes on.
AIRSTAR:Good news, guys. It says here that, according to Mrs.Contestholderson, we can billions of dollars if we stay in a submarine for a week. We could buy an entire fleet of planes,bombs,guns,
THE CHUCK:A fleet of guns?
AIRSTAR:Shut up. Rockets,Atom bombs,
THE CHUCK:Because it doesn't-
AIRSTAR:Shut up.
THE CHUCK:Really-
AIRSTAR:Shut up.
THE CHUCK:Make sense.
{Pause.}
AIRSTAR:Anyway, yeah. So let's just contact Mrs.Contestholderson to see if this contest is legit. I'll look in the phone book.
{He takes out a yellow book that says "FCUSA County Phone Book 2007-2008}
AIRSTAR:Hmm...here! Right next to Mrs.Cmtestolder.
SCHOOLSTAR:Maybe we should have an exit strategy, just in case it doesn't work out.
AIRSTAR:No, no. We will be greeted as liberators!
SCHOOLSTAR:But I think this may become a quagmire!
AIRSTAR:But May 11th 2008 changed everything when they stole my blimp! And they may have weapons of mass hacker codes for World of Walruses, or World of Dungeoncraft! You know like WMHCs. So yeah. The reasons are 5-11 and WMHCs.
DARKTOWER:You two stop bickering so we can go talk to Mrs.Contestholderson!
{Cut to Airstar and Darktower in a waiting room.}
DARKTOWER:Where's The Chuck and Schoolstar?
AIRSTAR:They're recruiting.
{An old woman comes in.}
OLD WOMAN:I'm Mrs.Contestholder. Where are you?
AIRSTAR:What? Anyway, is this contest legit?
MRS.CONTESTHOLDERSON:Yes.
AIRSTAR:That's all I need to know.
DARKTOWER:But what about your Land-Phobia?
AIRSTAR:I take medicine for it. So i'll just bring a bunch on the submarine. OFF WE GO!
{Cut to Airstar,Darktower,The Chuck,Schoolstar,Homestar,Bennedeto,Homsar,Strong Sad,Strong Bad,The King of town and his Pooper Troopers all in a cramped submarine.}
AIRSTAR:The Chuck! You didn't have to get every person you recruited to join us in here! We just want a billion dollars. Geez. What ocean are we in?
DARKTOWER:The Pacific.
AIRSTAR:Hmm.
STRONG BAD:Well, I can't wait ti'll next week.
AIRSTAR:Wait just a dang minute. I thought in the WOW game and in real life you were with Superdude.
STRONG BAD:Well, i'll tell you what happened. Flashback sequence!
{Cut to Strong Bad and Superdude with guns in a dark, smoky room.}
STRONG BAD:You are one narrow minded gangster, Superdude. My game coming out in June 2008 will be a smash hit!
SUPERDUDE:No it won't! It'll probably be badly-graphiced!
STRONG BAD:Oh, yeah? Well i'm quitting organized crime! From now on I'll stick to the regular kind.
Superdude takes out his gun, and then Strong Bad does. They both start shooting rapidly. After twenty-five seconds they stop.}
STRONG BAD:Somehow that didn't hurt either of us. Well see ya.
{Cut back to the submarine.}
STRONG BAD:See?
HOMESTAR:Interesting. Homsar? Where's your pirate wolf?
HOMSAR:AaAaAa Captain Teethpatch will be a floatin in up a ten ladders!
{Subtitles:"Captain Teethpatch will be back from vacation in ten hours."}
STRONG SAD:I'm not going to enjoy this week.
{The submarine starts rocking.}
ALL:AHHHH!!!
AIRSTAR:THIS SUBMARINE'S A-ROCKIN', BECAUSE SOMEONE IS COMIN' A KNOCKIN!
{A knife is used to cut a hole in the submarine, and the metal falls down to reveal Water Bad and Aquacheat has boarded their submarine.}
WATER BAD:I don't think you'll be doing either.
ALL:{Gasps}
DARKTOWER:Wait, what you just said does not make any sense in the context of what we just said!
WATER BAD:Shut up. Now, let's shoot bullets from our guns.
{Water Bad and Aquacheat take out machine guns and start shooting. Everybody is screaming, and they all tackle the two, and steal their guns, but watch as their submarine floats away. They tie up Water Bad and Aquacheat to chairs, and The Chuck and Schoolstar hold their guns to their heads.}
AIRSTAR:Crap.
{Airstar closes the door so it doesn't flood even more, because they're already knee-deep in water.}
STRONG BAD:This weird machine says we're at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean!
AIRSTAR:Oh My God, do you know how much pressure that is?
HOMESTAR:No.
AIRSTAR:We'll be crushed if we go out there!
{Cut to Water Bad an Aquacheat}
SCHOOLSTAR:Tell us where your Anti-Pressure suits are our I will kill you!
WATER BAD:My one weakness! They're in the Laundry room, I just washed them.
HOMESTAR:I'll get them!
{Homestar walks down the hall until he sees four rooms. One says "Living room" another says "Rec Room" another says "Ball Room" and another says "Laundry Room"}
HOMESTAR:Hmm...hard decision.
{He goes into the ball room and trips over a bunch of rubber balls in the room.}
HOMESTAR:Not what I expected.
{He leaves and goes into the laundry room. Cut back to the rest of the group.}
AIRSTAR:Man. Now we won't get that billions of dollars to fund our army operation.
SCHOOLSTAR:What about the life insurance you got when I died in Season Five?
AIRSTAR:I blew it on my collection of Butter Knives throughout the ages.
{Cut to a wall in Airstar's room with butter knives from 1776-2007}
AIRSTAR:The 2008 models haven't come in yet.
{Homestar comes in with fifteen Anti-Pressure suits.}
HOMESTAR:Here they are. I also found this lolipop {Holds up disgusting looking lolipop} stuck to the back of the dryer!
ALL EXCEPT HOMESTAR:Ewww...
THE CHUCK:Even I wouldn't eat that thing. Meh.
AIRSTAR:Anyway, let's go.
{Cut to all fifteen outside of the submarine with the suits on. They all see vents coming out of the earth, with tiny white things huddling around them.}
HOMESTAR:What are these white jerks?
SCHOOLSTAR:They're the animals that can survive without the sun, using these vents instead.
HOMESTAR:Tell them I hate them.
{Cut to Airstar moving some seaweed out of his way.}
AIRSTAR:What's this? OH MY GOD! IT'S AMELIA AIRHEART'S PLANE AND BONES!
ALL:{GASP!}
{He drags the plane out with the skeloton.}
STRONG SAD:Too bad we can't get back to land because of the submarine being broken. You could make billions off of that and then fund your operations!
AIRSTAR:I have a plan! We will leave the two jerks in the submarine down here to drown, while I fix Amelia Airheart's plane, and then we triumphanly fly to the surface! And then the music will play! Right orchestra?
{Cut to an orchestra of people with Anti-Pressure suits. They play a triumphant tune, and then stop.}
AIRSTAR:Yep.
{Close up on Airstar's face.}
AIRSTAR:It's fixing time!
{Cut to several hours later. The other fourteen people are waiting in front of the air vents. While, close by, Airstar is fixing Amelia Airheart's plane.}
DARKTOWER:{Holding cigarette over vents.} Crap. These things don't light my cigarette.
{Airstar walks over to them.}
AIRSTAR:The plane is finished except for the cup holder! Now let's fly!
{Cut to a wide shot of San Francisco bay. Silence for a few seconds, then the plane flys out of the water, and the triumphant music plays, as the Airstarmy removes their Anti-Pressure suits and fly all the way back to FCUSA, on the other side of the country. They land in the feild, and everyone is cheering.}
AIRSTAR:WE WILL WIN!
{The paper comes down.}
