Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Sports
From Umcom
{We start at Airstar at the CloudSon. He clicks on the email icon.}
AIRSTAR:Email.....email....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMAIL!
What kind of sports
do you play?
Funstar Player
AIRSTAR:What kind of sports...do I play? First of all Funstar, {Airstar gags.} First of all, change your name, please. Anyway, the sports that I play are fun-tastic! Of course I play the regular sports such as,
{Cut to Airstar about to serve in a game of tennis. He has a headband and an Under Armour shirt on with shorts on. He's playing against Homestar.}
AIRSTAR:{Narrarating} Tennis.
AIRSTAR:Okay Homestar, heres I go!
{He serves, and it misses Homestar by a long shot.}
HOMESTAR:Hey!
AIRSTAR:You lose!
HOMESTAR:No, you just hit it way over the fence!
AIRSTAR:Doesn't matter! Do you think when somebody is elected by a landslide the other guy is like, "No fair! You won way over the fence!"
HOMESTAR:What?
AIRSTAR:You heard me!
HOMESTAR:Hmphh...
AIRSTAR:{Narrarating.} And football.
{Cut to Airstar in a football geddup on a football field holding a football.}
AIRSTAR:Uhhh...can someone explain the rules aga-
{Strong Mad tackles him down, and gets up.}
STRONG MAD:I'M GREATEST!
AIRSTAR:Uhgg....
AIRSTAR:{Narrarating.} And Futbol.
{Cut to Airstar pushing kicking around a soccer ball with seven spanish kids.}
'AIRSTAR:Hey, kids. I love Futbol. And I kick it,
{He kicks into the opposing team's goal.}
AIRSTAR:HA! IN YOUR FACES! Or should I say, in your caras! HA!
{All the spanish kids tackle Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:AHHHH!!! DANG KIDS!!
{Cut to Airstar at The CloudSon.}
'AIRSTAR:Man I hate those kids...can't a man rub his success in a few faces without being piled on? Ma-an. I don't know why we went to Spain. Anyway, in High School, I was the best Hockey Player in school. I was on the KOTHS Adjacents! And they sucked without me! We won our first championship in 1991. I was 14 and 1/2.
{Cut to Airstar as a teenager with brown hair that went down to the bottom of his neck. He's in a blue hockey uniform with "The Adjacents" on it. He's sitting in Coach Z's locker room with Teenage Homestar and Teenage Strong Bad, who are in the versions of them from the email "Highschool", also wearing their hockey uniforms.}
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:We gotta play this right. The Adjacents need a win.
TEENAGE STRONG BAD:You're tellin' me? I know good and good that we need a win.
TEENAGE HOMESTAR:Don't worry guys, we can pull together. And win the 1991 Zachary Cup. We can do thiiiis.
{Cut to a younger Announcer, who has thicker hair, sitting next to a regular human man with black hair, in a suit.}
THE ANNOUNCER:Welcome to the 1991 Zachary Cup Champeenship! Brought you by Crystal Pepsi! "It tastes better when it serves a useless purpose!" I'm sitting here with Phenste Trebloc! How ya doin' Phenste?
PHENSTE TREBLOC:Yes, today is a today-portant day, you know, man man?
THE ANNOUNCER:Yes inde-{Looks at him.} Yes indeed! I guess...anyway, which High School hockey team will win? King Of Town High School? Or Neuconsin High? KOTHS or NH? Who knows?
PHENSTE TREBLOC:I'm puttin' my money down on the News-cussin' guys or whatever.
{Cut to Teenage Airstar on the ice. He gets into a fued with Teenage Darknight, who has longer green hair. They throw a few punches.}
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:Can't we just be friends again, Darknight?
TEENAGE DARKNIGHT:I'm sorry, but nobody messes with my calendar!
{Teenage Darknight punches and knocks out Teenage Airstar. Cut to Phenste Trebloc.}
PHENSTE TREBLOC:Ohhh....that's gonna hurt ti'll July of 08'.
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:And the sad truth is, Phenste was right. It still hurts. I have to take a pain pill for it every morning. Oh, and Phenste died because of health problems in 1994. Then he was replaced by Sonja Trebloc, this jerk who started when he was twenty and is now 34. I hate him. Rgg...and I like Air Hockey. Although, the AHL didn't let me in, so I created the XAHL! XTREME AIR HOCKEY LEAGUE!! It's wear the Air Hockey is in this big stadium with the air pumpin and such, and, the pucks are so big, that you are on them, controlling their movement! It's sweet! You can join, if you wanna. In fact, come to the All-Wide Sports Career Fair, which is happening soon. They're letting us in for the first time! I mean there's gonna be the FCUSAFL, FCUSASL, FCUSABL, FCUSAGC, The stupid AHL and the all-powerful XAHL! How could you go wrong?
{Cut to Airstar sitting at a booth table that is also an air hockey table with pamphlets and brochures sliding all around.}
AIRSTAR:Oh, haldo there, good lookin' person. This is my booth, for the Xtreme Air Hockey League. Imagine rolling around on actual air being pumped ito the arena floors. It makes ice seem way to non-polluting. So get ready for this brochure!
{He holds up a brouchure with "EXTREEEEEEEEME WAY BETTER THAN AHL XAHL!!!!"}
AIRSTAR:See? Just take this,
{He hands it to you, specifically. YOU.}
AIRSTAR:Take two, and call me in the morning. Heh heh. But, don't actually call me in the morning. That would be...weird. Plus, i'll probably be sleeeping...i'm glad I got that bed, you know? I've always felt that Robert Deniro is o....
{You start leaving to see Strong Mad at the FCUSAFL booth.}
STRONG MAD:FOOTBALL GOOD! FOOTBALL GOOD!
YOU:Uhh...what are the credintials?
STRONG MAD:FOOTBALL GOOOOD! {He throws football at you.}
YOU:Ow!
{Cut to Strong Sad at the FCUSASL booth.}
STRONG SAD:Soccer is for kids who are hectored by their dads to join at least a sport, which turns out to be, Soccer. So join in, or don't I don't really care.
YOU:What are the credintials?
STRONG SAD:None.
YOU:{Sigh.}
{Cut to the FCUSABL booth, where Homestar Runner is.}
HOMESTAR:Hey, girlfriend!
{You either make a confused face or you don't depending on your gender.}
HOMESTAR:Wanna join the FCUSABABRTAVTBIAOWLFEBAVTBBTSABCFTOPIMPNOPBTIOO? Or, Free Country United States Of America Baseball And Baseball Related Things And Accesories Vital To Baseball, and it goes on like that. So....I forgot what I was talkin' about. See ya!
{Cut to Superstar Hoopster at the FCUSABUL.}
SUPERSTAR HOOPSTER:This be the basketball place to BE! Man, I haven't appeared on this email show since email numba ten. WHOA! Anyway, FCUSA Basketball United League NEEDS YOU! Or else Will Ferrel will make another basketball movie! And I know nobody wants that. NOBODY. So, join us or that will happen...
YOU:I'LL JOIN! I'LL JOIN! I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT THE CREDINTIALS ARE!!
{Cut to Airstar in his computer room talking to the camera.}
AIRSTAR:So after that, this happened. The XAHL game, which costed us 9 million dollars. We borrowed the money from China.
{Cut to Airstar riding around a huge Air Hockey stadium on a giant puck, facing off against Darknight. He avoids Water Bad, who is controlling the goal blocker machine, and gets into the goal.}
DARKNIGHT:Aww, crap.
{Cut to the Announcer and Sanja Trebloc, who looks like a younger Phenste Trebloc.}
SANJA TREBLOC:Man, that has got to sting. Airstar won.
THE ANNOUNCER:{Looks at him for twelve seconds.} You suck at this.
{Cut to Airstar walking out of the hole where the putt comes back and slipping into Darknight, and they both fall down.}
AIRSTAR:Yay! I won!
{The paper comes down.}
