Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Loss
From Umcom
{We start at Airstar at his computer, clicking the email icon.}
AIRSTAR:Email-a! Email-a!
Yo Airstar,
Clockwork.
The Roots of Violence:
Wealth without work,
Pleasure without conscience,
Knowledge without character,
Commerce without morality,
Science without humanity,
Worship without sacrifice,
Politics without principles.
From,
AIRSTAR:Habbida wha? Hmm...wealth without work?
{Cut to the King of Town on a throne.}
KING OF TOWN:I am so rich. Poopsmith! Can you get that remote for me?
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Pleasure without conscience?
{Cut back to the King of Town, except the Little Chef Guy is rubbing his feet.}
THE KING OF TOWN:That feels good, you idiot.
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Knowledge without character?
{Cut to Strong Sad talking to Strong Bad.}
STRONG SAD:And Niels Bohr was a tremondous scientist who discovered-
{Strong Bad falls asleep. Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Commerce without conscience?
{Cut to Bubs at his Concession Stand talking to Homestar.}
BUBS:That ointment might kill you, but it's worth it!
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Science without humanity?
{Cut to Strong Sad with two viles of green red liquid on the table in his room.}
STRONG SAD:If I drop the green liquid into the red liquid, it will create a giant monster that will kill all living things!
{Cut to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Worship without sacrifice?
{Cut to Strong Bad talking to Larry Palacronci, lead singer of Limozeen. Strong Bad is holding some gum.}
STRONG BAD:OH MY GOD!! Man, I worship you!
LARRY:Cool. Can I have some of that gum?
STRONG BAD:What? No.
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Politics without principles?
{Cut to George W. Bush talking to Donald Rumsfeld.}
GEORGE W. BUSH:Let's invade Iraq and tell people lies to persuade them to support the war and tell them it is going to take a short amount of time but then let it go on pointlessly for five years until it becomes a huge quagmire blood bath with seemingly endless scandals.
DONALD RUMSFELD:....Okay.
{Cut back to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:Well, this is an odd email. I guess i'll do what I always do when I get an email I can't do anything with. (Imitates cell phone ringing.} Brrringg...{He picks up a blue cell phone and flips it open.} Hello? The Poet association is setting off a bomb that will destroy FCUSA and parts of Manhattan? Oh no! We gotta go!
{The Skypy sparks and flashes.}
AIRSTAR:You okay, Skypy?
Airstar....I don't feel good.
AIRSTAR:Really? You don't feel good? What's wrong?
I feel...sparky and...flashy.
Get me to Strong Bad.
AIRSTAR:Alright, Skypy. No problem.
{Airstar gets up. Cute to a wide shot. Schoolstar is standing there eating a sandwhich.}
SCHOOLSTAR:Hey.
AIRSTAR:Uhh...hey. The Skypy's sick.
SCHOOLSTAR:...What?
AIRSTAR:Are you saying that because Strong Bad was supposed to fix him?
SCHOOLSTAR:...No. I'm asking that because it's a computer. Not a person. It can't be sick, it's broken, or has a virus.
AIRSTAR:Well I call it sick.
SCHOOLSTAR:You're weird.
AIRSTAR:Let's just take it to Strong Bad's place.
{Cut to Airstar talking to Strong Bad in his garage, holding the Skypy.}
AIRSTAR:The Skypy says that it's sick. Whaddup withh dat?
STRONG BAD:Well, i'm sure it's nothing.
Uggh....I feel terrible.
I need some help.
NOW.
Unsincerely,
The Skypy
STRONG BAD:Fine i'll take try to fix him. Just go and try not to think about it.
AIRSTAR:Okay.
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck talking in the computer room.}
AIRSTAR:How am I not supposed to think about The Skypy?
THE CHUCK:Well, we could go to The Water Park!
AIRSTAR:Okay.
{Cut to the top of a slide. Airstar and Homestar are about to race.}
HOMESTAR:Alright, Airyface! It's time to rumble.
AIRSTAR:Don't call me Airyface! You got that?
HOMESTAR:F-fine.
{They both slide down the slide until they get to the end and get thrown into a pool.}
HOMESTAR:I won!
AIRSTAR:No, I won!
{A desk that says "ESPN" floats up with a wet John Madden and Pat Summerall in front of it.}
JOHN MADDEN:Well, it think Airstar won.
PAT SUMMERALL:No, John. It was Homestar.
JOHN MADDEN:Let's see the slow-motion.
{Cut to a slow-mo video of them both sliding off the slide. And Homestar was slightly ahead.}
PAT SUMMERALL:Look at that! I was right. As always.
{Cut back to the pool. They sink ack under.}
HOMESTAR:....You heard the video! I won!
AIRSTAR:What about the Super Delegates?
HOMESTAR:....What?
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck in the feild.}
AIRSTAR:Man. I just can't enjoy anything when i'm thinking of the well-being of my computer.
THE CHUCK:Who can? Let's go to Bubs'.
{Cut to Airstar talking to Bubs at his stand.}
AIRSTAR:I HATE YOU!!
BUBS:SO DO I!!!
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck in the computer room in the blimp.}
AIRSTAR:Well, i'm not sure why we did that. Bubs is responsible for my computer's illness.
{Airstar's cell phone rings. He picks it up.}
AIRSTAR:Hello? WHAT?! I'M COMING OVER!
{He hangs up.}
THE CHUCK:What?
AIRSTAR:The Skypy's dying, let's go!
{Schoolstar runs in.}
SCHOOLSTAR:I'm coming!
{Cut to Airstar and the other two with Strong Bad in the computer room. The Skypy is on the ground, sparkin' and flashin' like crazy.}
AIRSTAR:{Sniff.} Don't die on me, Skypy. Please. {Sniff.} Don't go.
We had a good run, old buddy.
AIRSTAR:Don't talk like that. {Sniff.} You can still survive.
Not according to Strong Bad.
I'm gonna go the way of Jason Alexander.
AIRSTAR:You're gonna go out on a celebrity joke? {Sniff.}
I have to stay true to myself.
Agghhh...agghhh....ohhh...
(POWERING DOWN FOREVER)
AIRSTAR:{Looks up into the air.} NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! {Looks down and starts sobbing.}
SCHOOLSTAR:Ehhh...wow. He's gone. The Skypy's gone.
THE CHUCK:Bummer.
STRONG BAD:Uhh...I did everything I could.
THE CHUCK:We're sure you did. Meh....
SCHOOLSTAR:Man. This email is gonna cause some uproar. Of...speculation.
THE CHUCK:Not an uproar, more like a... hoouse cat's roar. I mean we only have like 10 fans.
SCHOOLSTAR:Yeah, you're right.
AIRSTAR:{Sobbing.} SHUT UP YOU TWO! {Sobbing.}
THE CHUCK:Sorry.
{Cut to the feild. There's a sign that says "Skypy Funeral- June 22" and there's a small casket with pictures of The Skypy answering emails 1, 6, 8, 12, 20, 24, 30, 35, 42, 48, 50, 52, 54, 57, 58 and 59. All the Homestar characters, Airstar, The Chuck and Schoolstar, Bill Clinton, as well as others, are sitting down. The Cleric steps up to the podium.}
THE CLERIC:There's been alot of losses in the past few years. Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, The Alligator Hunter, Keith Ledger, Tim Russert and others. They've all been very sad deaths. But this is too, to a much lesser extent, sad. I barely knew The Skypy. But I don't have a problem telling his closest family and friends all about him. He was manufactured in 2005, and bought by Airstar Flyer at Bubs' Stand. Here's the reciept. {He holds up a reciept, and then tapes it to the coffin.} His memory will be engrained forever.
{He steps down. Airstar walks up to the podium with a suit on.}
AIRSTAR:{Sniff.} The Skypy was a computer like none else. The first Skypy computer was designed and approved by Compy Inc. in 2001. I bought it four years later, and we have many memories. And the most important thing is...he was my friend.
{He he drops to his knees at the coffin. Bill Clinton puts his hand on his shoulder.}
AIRSTAR:What are you doing here?
BILL CLINTON:I'm at all funerals! Gotta look good for my wife's eventual 2012 run!
AIRSTAR:Please don't.
