Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Life 'Surance
From Umcom
{Cut to Airstar standing in his computer room with some coffee.}
AIRSTAR:{Yawn.} I should probably check my email.
{He sits down and clicks on the email icon.}
AIRSTAR:Email in the mo'nin, that's what you should be adorin'.
Dear Ai. R. Star,
You're life insurence is about to expire.
Please email your credit card number to strongbad_email.exe.
Not strong bad.
AIRSTAR:Wha? My Life insurance policy is about to expire? But I got it four days ago before I went Sky Diving! It can't expire after four days, can it? Wait a minute, this says Not Strong Bad! That guy's a jerk. I should call him at where he works. At Bubs Inc.
{He picks up a b;ue phone and presses a few buttons and call him. Cut to a split screen of Airstar on the right and an inverted Strong Bad at a desk in the office to the left.}
NOT STRONG BAD:Lloeh? Siht si Not Strong Bad, S'tahw Eht Melborp?
AIRSTAR:I want to speak to somebody else, please.
{Homestar kicks Not Strong Bad outta the way and sits down.}
HOMESTAR:Yes, sir? How may I get you nowhere today?
AIRSTAR:Yeah, your ingenious Life Insurance Plan expires after four days!
HOMESTAR:Well you should've read the pamphlet, you know that we have a strict "Four Day" policy. You have to pay 230 dollars every four days to renew the policy.
AIRSTAR:That wasn't the case with Schoolstar's Life Insurance Policy. Before he died, we didn't renew every four days.
HOMESTAR:Well we had a policy change. By the way, are you sure Schoolstar's really dead? Because i've seen him around and talked to him but our files say he died on August 8, 2007. If we find out he's actually alive then we could put you in prision for fraud.
AIRSTAR:What? No, he's still dead. Always been. Never had he died. Ever.
HOMESTAR:Okay! Now, 230 bucks, please.
AIRSTAR:I can't afford to be payin' that every four days! Go ahead, expire my policy. I'll just go to the gym and get a check up to see if anything is wrong with me. That's right! I'm not lettin' you big conglomerate companies make your sweet dough, i'm stickin' it to the man!
HOMESTAR:I'm so glad you chose to renew your policy, now what is your credit card number?
{Airstar hangs up and stand up. Zoom to the full view of computer room.}
AIRSTAR:It's time to go to the doctor's office. The Chuck?
{The Chuck comes in.}
THE CHUCK:Meh?
AIRSTAR:Wanna go?
THE CHUCK:Sure!
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck in a doctor's office. He's sitting on a bed while The Chuck is sitting on a chair licking a lolipop. Pom-Pom is wearing a lab coat.}
DR.POM-POM:{Medical bubbles.}
AIRSTAR:Uhh...okay.
{He lays down on the bed. Dr.C-Doggin comes in and grabs the chart from Dr.Pom-Pom.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Get outta here Dr.Pom-Pom.
{Pom-Pom leaves.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Now Airstar, you're here for a check up to see if you have any diseases, correct?
AIRSTAR:Yeah.
DR.C-DOGGIN:Okay, then. We'll get a cat scan. {Whistles} Julia!
{A young doctor with blue scrubs and black hair comes in.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Judy, make sure he gets into the Cat Scan machine, alright? Oh, and by the by, this is Dr.D-Doggin.
DR.D-DOGGIN:Hi.
DR.C-DOGGIN:I'm going to take a break.
{He leaves the room.}
AIRSTAR:Give it to me straight, Doctor. Am I going to liiive?
DR.D-DOGGIN:You are going to be fine. Now let's get a Cat Scan of you, shall we?
{Cut to Airstar being put into the Cat Scan machine, which is this big white tube.}
DR.D-DOGGIN:Okay, you're all the way in there. Now i'll turn on the machine.
{He presses the button and the machine starts making noise.}
DR.D-DOGGIN:This won't be painful at all.
AIRSTAR:Okay...OWW!
DR.D-DOGGIN:WHAT?!
AIRSTAR:Nothing, I just stubbed my toe.
DR.D-DOGGIN:But you weren't even walking!
AIRSTAR:Yeah, that is weird. I think I have Non Walking Stubbed Toe Syndrome.
DR.D-DOGGIN:Oh yeah, NWSTS.
AIRSTAR:Uhh...is there supposed to be a green thing in here?
DR.D-DOGGIN:No.
{The machine goes beep.}
DR.D-DOGGIN:It's done.
{He rolls Airstar outta there.}
DR.D-DOGGIN:What was in there?
AIRSTAR:Some green thing.
{Coach Z falls outta the machine.}
BOTH:AHH!
AIRSTAR:Coach Z, what are you doing the Cat Scan machine?
COACH Z:Living in it. The locka room has a rat prorblem and I hate rats.
AIRSTAR:Get outta here!
COACH Z:Orr!
{He runs out of the room.}
DR.D-DOGGIN:We'll have the results in an hour.
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck sitting next to The King Of Town in the waiting room.}
AIRSTAR:What are you here for, King?
KING OF TOWN:I'm almost always here! My health has gotten so bad, that I have surgery after breakfast, lunch and dinner! And Brunch and Linner, and after snacks. After I watch Caleb Rentpayer while eating a giant pile of salt. WAY above the lethal dose. So then I have to get my stomach pumped. So usually a surgery 3-6 times a day.
AIRSTAR:Isn't that extremely expensive?
KING OF TOWN:I get the money from the tax payers and of course, China.
AIRSTAR:Of course.
{Dr.T-Doggin comes in with a chart.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:I have some bad news.
AIRSTAR:What?
DR.T-DOGGIN:You have silverutosis. A disease caught by exploring the deep silver mines of The Congo.
AIRSTAR:Oh my god, is it treatable?
DR.T-DOGGIN:Yeah, it is. It's been developing in your lungs for 12 years. Surgery will be schedueled for this afternoon.
{He leaves.}
AIRSTAR:Wow.
THE CHUCK:When have you ever been to the silver mines of The Congo?
AIRSTAR:{Sigh.} I knew someday I would have to tell this story. The year was 1996, and I was almost 20 and in college.
{Cut to 19 year old Airstar in his dormroom playing Super Mario RPG.}
TEENAGE AIRSTAR;Yeah, Geno, get him! Woo! Take that, Belome!
{Teenage Homestar comes in.}
TEENAGE HOMESTAR:Hello, Airstar. Would you like to go to the Congo?
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:Why?
TEENAGE HOMESTAR:Because, {Whispering} line!
TEENAGE DARKNIGHT:{Offscreen.} Because it's a fun thing to do!
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:Do I battle Long Bearded king guys named Smithy?
TEENAGE HOMESTAR:Sure.
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:Then i'll do it!
{Cut to Teenage Airstar in the jungle.}
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:Is this Geno's Maze?
{Teenage Darknight comes in with a spear.}
TEENAGE DARKNIGHT:No, and you're an idiot. And what's up with you're foating dormroom that you have to fly up to? That's dumb.
TEENAGE AIRSTAR:I have land-phobia!
TEENAGE DARKNIGHT:Whatever. Now enjoy these natives.
{45 natives attack Airstar. Cut to Airstar telling the story while The Chuck is laughing.}
AIRSTAR:And so they tackled me into the silver mines and I must've got it there.
THE CHUCK:{Laughing} YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! {Laughs more.}
AIRSTAR:Yeah, yeah laugh away. You won't be laughin' when I die on the table.
THE CHUCK:Oh, calm down. You won't die.
{Dr.T-Doggin comes in.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:It's time for soigery.
{He puts Airstar on a rolling bed and rolls him off.}
THE CHUCK:Good luck!
{Cut to Bubs at his stand talking to Coach Z.}
COACH Z:Did ya hear the lortest news?
BUBS:Nope. What?
COACH Z:Airstar ornder the knife!
BUBS:Someone is stabbing him? Good.
COACH Z:Non, he's horvin' surgery!
BUBS:Really, now?
{Cut to Dr.T-Doggin,Dr.Q-Doggin, Nurse Marzipan and Pom-Pom.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:Making first incision!
{He takes a butter knife and cuts Airstar open.}
POM-POM:{Bubbles excitedly.}
NURSE MARZIPAN:It's a silver mine in his lungs!
{Dr.T-Doggin reaches in there, but Bubs comes in with a surgeon costume on.}
DR.BUBS:Hey guys! I'll take care of this.
{Dr.Bubs reaches his hand in there and pulls out a ball of silver.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:Well, that's the problem. Alright, let's-
DR.BUBS:No, no. {He puts the ball bbackin and pulls out Airstar's lungs.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
DR.BUBS:Curing him?
{Dr.Q-Doggin punches Dr.Bubs and puts his lungs back in. Then he pulls out the silver and throws it on the ground.}
NURSE MARZIPAN:Nice work, guys.
DR.Q-DOGGIN:Oh yeah! Success-five!
{Dr.T-Doggin and Dr.Q-Doggin slap five.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:Well, let's seal this sucker up.
{Cut to Airstar walking out of the hospital with The Chuck. The hospiyal says "Free Hospital, USA East Entance"}
AIRSTAR:Well, I don't have Silveruitosis anymore. Now to go to the Gym.
{Schoolstar runs up to him.}
SCHOOLSTAR:I wanna go!
AIRSTAR:Fine.
{Cut to Airstar and Schoolstar at a gym on treadmills with Homestar, Bubs, Coach Z and Pom-Pom looking suspiciously at them.}
AIRSTAR:MAN THESE MUTED TVS AT THIS GYM REALLY TELL ME SOMETHING! FOR EXAMPLE, I THINK THIS IS SAYING THAT, GAS PRICES ARE HIGH BECAUSE OF....ROADS! AND....DINOSUARS EATING....THE DIRT! AND THIS REPORT SAYS THAT PILLS ARE....BEING THROWN AWAY BY A....BUTTER KNIFE! INTERESTING!
SCHOOLSTAR:I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!
{Bubs, Pom-Pom, Homestar and Coach Z tackles Airstar, who slides off the treadmill, and arrest him.}
BUBS:YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR INSURANCE FRAUD! SCHOOLSTAR JUST SAID HE WAS ALIVE!
AIRSTAR:Aww, craaap.
{Cut to Airstar in a jail cell.}
AIRSTAR:Stupid Schoolstar.
{The paper comes down.}
