Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Italian
From Umcom
{We start at Airstar in Strong Bad's computer room, talking to Strong Bad.}
AIRSTAR:Hey, Strong. How's The Skypy?
STRONG BAD:It's uhh...functional.
{He holds up The Skypy with a buncha duct tape and cracks in the screen.}
STRONG BAD:Unfortunately it will never be the same.
AIRSTAR:Oh. Well, at least it's alive. So how much will that be?
STRONG BAD:You have a choice. You either have to pay me 23,000 dollars or get beat up by Strong Mad here.
{Strong Mad walks up.}
STRONG MAD:YOU DON'T WANNA SEE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!
AIRSTAR:23,000? That means i'm gonna have to work extra at my job.
{Cut to Airstar at The Daily Show studio. Airstar is handing a suit to Jon Stewart, who is wearing street clothes.}
AIRSTAR:Here, sir.
JON STEWART:Thanks, Airyface. {He starts putting it on.}
AIRSTAR:How did you know that my parents called me that?!
JON STEWART:Well, i'm your boss. Your parents wanted to know me.
{He finishes putting it on.}
AIRSTAR:That is so unlike them. They hate making long-distance calls from Flordia to New York. Anyway, what's on the show tonight?
JON STEWART:This guy. {Jon puts an Elmo puppet on his hand, except Elmo has a beard and moustache.}
AIRSTAR:Oh, Gitmo again?
JON STEWART:Yes.
GITMO:{High voice coming from Jon.}HALALALALALL! I am Gitmo! I will put C-4 in your blimp and drive into the King Of Town's castle! HA HA HA!!
AIRSTAR:{Sigh.}
{Cut to Airstar's computer room, which is dark. The lights turn on, and Airstar comes in and takes off his jacket.}
AIRSTAR:I'm back from work! Hello? Anyway...
{Airstar sits down at the broken Skypy. Close up. He clicks on the email icon.}
AIRSTAR:{As Gitmo} HALALALALA! Death to the EMAIL-dels!
hi Airstar,
'm going to italy. Do you like italian food?
Signed, Robstar Roundhat
AIRSTAR:Robstar Roundhat? {Long pause.} Okay...name change, seriously. Anyway, onto your question. Italian food? I use to like italian food. In fact, i'm part Italian, Jewish and, suprisingly, African-American. In fact, one of my ancestors was a greek Philosopher named Airotes.
{Cut to an Airstar-lookin' guy with a blue toga and some vine on his head, with a beard, talking to a Homestar lookin' guy, with a red sash, and a vine with a propeller on it, with a beard standing in front of some pillars.}
AIRSTARTES:You see, Homestartes, air can be traveled like a bird travels...{A red bird with a lolipop and a cheat-like face flys out of his toga.}
THE DOVUCK:Meh!
AIRSTARTES:See?
HOMESTARTES:Uhh...Marzigula asked me if her toga made her look fat, and I said "Yes", and she got all mad! I mean, what's up with that?
AIRSTARTES:Yeah...
{Cut back to Airstar at his desk.}
AIRSTAR:But, my love for Italian Food ended on November 11, 2007. That was a fateful day. You see, I went to that Italian Restraunt, the "Marshmallow Garden" with Garbachov. That was so terrible, I hated italian food ever since.
{Cut to Airstar and Garbachov sitting at a booth at The Marshmallow Garden, which is pretty much the same as Marshmallow's L'est Stand,except a different name and a picture of Airstartes and Homestartes on the wall.}
AIRSTAR:Uh-
GARBACHOV:NO TALKING UNTIL WE ORDER!!!23!34@!132!#@1$#^54#%$!!!
{Long pause. Homestar comes over as the waiter.}
HOMESTAR:Hello, Airstar and Lucifer, what would you like?
AIRSTAR:Egh-
GARBACHOV:I ORDER FIRST!!1#@1#@1#@!5*&5*(5(*609^742!!!!!
{Pause.}
GARBACHOV:ORDER ALREADY!!@1!54#@#7^4&^%464@11$!!!!!
AIRSTAR:But you told me to-
GARBACHOV:SHADDUP!2134!#@1$2!!!121%$32^%43%$#4!!!!!
AIRSTAR:Okay! I'd like the Marshmallow Rotalini.
GARBACHOV:AIRSTAR WILL HAVE THE SPAGHETTI!@!$#@!$#@!!$@!%$!!!!
AIRSTAR:But I don't want the-
GARBACHOV:SHADDUP!@!!432@!$!!41#$2!4@!!!!
AIRSTAR:Okay, Spaghetti it is.
GARBACHOV:AND I'D LIKE THE MARSHMALLOW ROTALINI!!!@$!#%$215$@!%111!!1!!
AIRSTAR:{Sigh}
HOMESTAR:Excellent choice, sir.
GARBACHOV:I'M A LADY!!$!@41!1$!111!!1!!!!!
{Garbachov tackles Homestar to the ground and starts biting him like a dog.}
AIRSTAR:Oh, geez.
{Cut back to Airstar at the broken Skypy.}
AIRSTAR:See? I never had an apetite for italian food since.
THE CHUCK:{Offscreen} What a coincidence!
{Airstar turns around. Cut to a wider view. The Chuck is there holding two suitcases.}
THE CHUCK:This summer, we're vacationing to Italy.
AIRSTAR:We are? But I have to pay Strong Bad 23,000 dollars.
{Strong Bad comes out of the suitcase.}
STRONG BAD:That's right! Hand it over!
AIRSTAR:You think The Daily Show pays me alot for being a writer/intern/occasional correspondent?
STRONG BAD:Well, they pay you more since the writer's strike of '07-'08.
AIRSTAR:Yeah, but still not enough to get me 23,000 dollars in a day. I only have 12,000 in the bank and 45 bucks in my wallet.
{Schoolstar comes in.}
SCHOOLSTAR:Yeah. And I only have 57 dollars and 44 cents!
AIRSTAR:Since when do you have money?
SCHOOLSTAR:Well, since my first day working at Blubb-O's. Yesterday.
STRONG BAD:Well find a way in the next five hours to get the 23,000 or your dead.
{Strong Mad, Marshie, The King Of Town, Pom Pom, The Horn blower and The Ninja come in.}
AIRSTAR:AHH! The FCUSA Mafia.
STRONG BAD:And don't you forget it! Let's go.
{They all leave.}
AIRSTAR:{Pause} Yeah, let's go to Italy.
{Cut to a map centering on FCUSA. A red line appears and goes north through Florida and then goes east into the North Atlantic, then goes through the African countries of Morroco, Algeria and Libya, then goes south to Italy. Cut to The Blimp landing in an italian parking lot with old cars and garbage on the streets everywhere. There's a sign in the parking lot that says "NESSUN PARCHEGGIO DELLA STELLA DELL'ARIA". The gang walks out of the blimp.}
AIRSTAR:Here we are in...beatiful...uggg...what's with all the garbage?
SCHOOLSTAR:This worse than when we went to France.
THE CHUCK:Meh! Stop your complaining! We came here to see the sites! Such as, the ruins of Ancient Rome.
AIRSTAR:I think they ruined modern Rome more than Ancient Rome.
{And audience laughs.}
AIRSTAR:What the?
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck looking at the ruins of a temple with a bunch of pillars.}
AIRSTAR:Wow.
THE CHUCK:Yeah. Amazing.
AIRSTAR:Yep-a.
THE CHUCK:Indeed. Where's Schoolstar?
AIRSTAR:Who cares?
{Cut to Schoolstar at an italian Blubb-O's, which looks like the regular Blobb-O's, but all the thing son the menu are in Italian and there is Roman pillars behind him. He is wearing a toga, and has droopy eyes.}
SCHOOLSTAR:Accolga favorevolmente la schifezza a Blubb-O' s. voi gradicono un pasto combinato, alcuni nudules croccanti della patata, o il nostro tentativo alla concorrenza al meltshake nazionale del circuito integrato di moca della catena del caffè?
{Cut to Strong Bad in his basement watching TV.}
STRONG BAD:Oh, wow. It's been five hours! I wonder if Airstar has my money.
{Cut to Strong Bad in the feild looking up in the sky.}
STRONG BAD:Hmm....nope. They don't seem to be in American skies. They must have gone to Italy like The Chuck said. Dangit! I'll need someone that Airstar is scared of...aha! Darknight! But where is she? I'll have to ask her closest friend, my cousin, Water Bad.
{Cut to Strong Bad inside of Water Bad's yellow submarine, talking to him on his couch.}
STRONG BAD:Water Bad, where did Darknight go after the huge war?
WATER BAD:She was arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay Detention Center in Cuba.
STRONG BAD:Of course! To Cuba!
{Cut to a large prison with fences around it. Then cut to Strong Bad in front of one of the fences talking to a guard.}
STRONG BAD:Uh, can you let me in?
GUARD:Why should I?
STRONG BAD:I want to visit somebody who's been here for 22 days. Her name is Darknight Creeper.
GUARD:Darknight? Oh you mean Dark nighta Al Saddr.
STRONG BAD:What? No.
GUARD:That's what we call her. Come in.
{The guard opens the fence. Strong Bad runs to the door. Cut to Strong Bad in a white hallway with a bunch of white doors with small windows. Another guard opens the door with a key and Strong Bad enters into a 6' 8' room with a bench, a small toilet and a bed with a barred window. He sees Darknight on the bed with a beard and moustache. The guard closes the door.}
STRONG BAD:Ugg...why do you have a beard? I though you were a woman.
DARKNIGHT:I am. That's how terrible this place is!
STRONG BAD:That's too bad. Do you at least have a roommate?
DARKNIGHT:Yeah. Gitmo.
{Pan to the right to see Gitmo the puppet, except with legs and talking on his own.}
GITMO:I was just a taxi cab driver! But when I get out, i'm gonna bomb the crap outta Oscar's trashcan! And the British Embassy!! HALALALLALALALA!!!
DARKNIGHT:Quiet, Gitmo. Anyway, what do you want?
STRONG BAD:I want you to help me kill Airstar. But don't kill him if he has 23,000 dollars for me.
DARKNIGHT:Alright, but how am I gonna escape from Guantanamo?
STRONG BAD:Hmm...that's a problem. Oh, I know! I'll sneak you in this suitcase I stole from The Chuck!
{He takes out a suitcase.}
DARKNIGHT:Sounds good.
{She squeezes into the suitcase.}
GITMO:Can Gitmo go too?
STRONG BAD:Sorry, Gitmo.
{He opens the door, and the guard locks it again.}
GITMO:I WILL KILL YOU SOMEDAY, STRONG BAD! HALALALALALALALA!
GUARD:Nice suitcase.
STRONG BAD:Thanks.
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck in one of the ruins of the temple.}
AIRSTAR:I'm pretty sure that this is where Airstartes is buried.
{He gets on the ground and starts digging. Cut to Strong Bad holding the suitcase going through Airport security. Senor Cardgage is the Airport security guy.}
SENOR CARDGAGE:Please put your bruit case on the thingy-bop, Nancetta.
STRONG BAD:Uhh...but my cat is in there, and I don't want it to have cancer from the rays of the X-Ray.
SENOR CARDGAGE:Okay, go a helong.
STRONG BAD:Thank you.
{Cut to Strong Bad on the plane. He takes out the suitcase and opens it. Darknight comes out, panting.}
DARKNIGHT:{Panting.} You forget to put airholes you jerk!! {Panting}
STRONG BAD:Sorry. Anyway you're a fugititve and we need to disgguise you. Wear this wig.
{He takes out a wig and puts it on Darknight.}
STRONG BAD:If anyone asks, your name is Jason Falcon. It's very American.
DARKNIGHT:Okay.
{Cut to Airstar and The Chuck digging.}
AIRSTAR:Almost there...
{They dig more and pick up a skeleton of Airstartes with a toga on.}
AIRSTAR:YES! We can keep this in my room!
{Darknight and Strong Bad run up to them.}
STRONG BAD:Do you got the money?!
DARKNIGHT:I'LL KILL YOU!
AIRSTAR:{Sigh.} I guess i'll have to sell this. WHO WANTS THIS SKELETON?!! ONLY 23,000 DOLLARS!!!
{The KOT comes up.}
KOT:I'll take it!
{He writes a check and Airstar gives it to him.}
KOT:This'll be delicious!
{KOT walks away. Airstar hands Strong Bad the check.}
STRONG BAD:Thanks. Let's go Darknight.
DARKNIGHT:NO WAY!
{Darknight holds a knife to his throat.}
DARKNIGHT:I'm gonna kill him!
{Gasps all around.}
DARKNIGHT:HERE I GO!
{He's about to cut when...Schoolstar drops down and knocks him out.}
AIRSTAR:Schoolstar! You saved me!
SCHOOLSTAR:No problem. Let's alert the guards at Guantanamo Bay.
{Cut to Airstar at The broken Skypy.}
AIRSTAR:Well, now we're back in America, Darknight is at Gitmo, and The Skypy is just fine.
{The paper comes down.}
