Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Gear
From Umcom
{We start with Airstar in his blue walled bathroom looking in the mirror. He has a small moustache.}
AIRSTAR:Well...this looks...crappy. But I made a pledge to myself to not shave until I get Stacy.
{The Chuck with a headset on peaks his head in.}
THE CHUCK:Meh! We're on in five minutes!
AIRSTAR:What are you talking about? We can come on whenever we want! We're not a live TV show.
THE CHUCK:Well, whatever. Just hurry up.
AIRSTAR:No, i'm ready.
{Airstar comes out and climbs down the ladder to the computer and sits down.}
AIRSTAR:Let's check email like it's 1980!
{He clicks on the email icon.}
Dear After,
Where did you get those awesome Cow Punching gear?
Your Hater,
Reylf Ratsria
AIRSTAR:Hater? I have people that hate me? Get outta here!
{Cut to Bubs, Darknight, Superstar Hoopster, Strong Bad, 1-Up's Evil Version, Homestar's Evil Version, Homsar's Evil Version, The TAKS Test, Water Bad, Aquacheat, The Evil Ghost, Superdude, Hu Jianto and Garbachov all sitting in chairs in front of a fireplace with "LOAH" on the wall.}
DARKNIGHT:Welcome to the league of Airstar haters, Hu Jianto!
HU JIANTO:Hu Jianto so excited to be here! I wirr rearn so much from this reague....
DARKNIGHT:Yes you will. Also, Reylf Ratsria is another new member!
{Airstar with a backwards neck and a duck on his bright blue shirt comes in.}
REYLF:Hello. I hate Airstar. Except for his awesome Cow Punching equipment!
DARKNIGHT:Sit down.
{He sits down.}
DARKNIGHT:The good news of course is, I have escaped from Guantanamo Bay. And I managed to smuggle Gitmo out with me in a bag!
{She takes out a black bag with Gitmo (The terrorist Elmo with a long beard) jumps out.}
GITMO:{High voice with Middle Eastern accent.} We must destroy Airstar Flyer for the goood! HALALALALLLA!
DARKNIGHT:Okay, that's enough, Gitmo. Anyway, so for the last month and a half, i've ruled this society from the inside, by smuggling letters to you guys about Gitmo.
GITMO:About me?
DARKNIGHT:No, like Gitmo, the nickname of Guantanamo.
GITMO:Ohhh...
DARKNIGHT:Anyway, my army of Darkmandos were either killed or arrested in the battle a month ago. The Superdude Mafia is now weak. So with my troops gone, my allies weak, and me on the run from the government, I figured you guys are my only hope.
STRONG BAD:Oh, stop.
DARKNIGHT:Now I know that we've tried ways to kill Airstar in the past. I tried to throw him off his blimp, tried to blast him with a gun, helped with their capturing by the Evil 1-Up and the other two here, shot him in the leg, formed the Nassis to kill him, tried to kill him while I thought Schoolstar was still dead, built an army and lured Airstar to France where we almost killed him, tried to set him on fire and of course tried to defeat him during the big war. But now, this plan is perfect. Hmm...I can taste it. We're going to get hostages. His Grampa and his sister. Then we say we want two million bucks, he comes to our headquarters underground, and he hands us the money, we shoot him right there.
BUBS:Of course! It's perfect! We can't go wrong. Although I would prefer we run him over with my Baloney Sammich Truck.
GITMO:I would've prefered carpet bombing his blimp, and then the Washington Monument! HA HA HA!!
STRONG BAD:I would've prefered bashing him over the head with his keyboard until he hallucinates so badly that he starts seeing a more than relatively succesful new show on Comedy Central.
HU JIANTO:I wourd've prefered working him to death in one of our factories untir he passes out and dies of starvation.
GARBACHOV:I WOULD'VE PREFERED YELLING AT HIM UNTIL HIS EARS BLEED!42!4@!4@6#654#7^%4*&^5*&6%!!!!!
DARKNIGHT:Well, too bad. We have to do my idea. His relatives are staying at his blimp right now, let's wait until night to kidnap his Grampa and sister. But to find out more, we need to send in a mole to find out more things he cares about.
{Cut to Airstar at his computer.}
AIRSTAR:Well, my Cow-Punching gear is so efficient, that nobody beats it! {You start to hear talking.} Ughh...hold on. {He gets up. Zoom out to the entire room filled with Airstar's relatives.}
AIRSTARGuys, I said no talking while I answer an email. Now, let me go get my cow-punching gear on.
{He leaves. Gitmo with a blue hat and blue star shirt comes in with a wire underneath his shirt.}
GITMO:{Whistling the Afghanistani national anthem.}
{Homestar walks up to him.}
HOMESTAR:Hey. I'm Airstar's cousin. Who are you?
GITMO:Me? I am...Airstar's 45th cousin, 256 times removed.
HOMESTAR:Sweet. Wanna play short guy Ping-Pong?
GITMO:Short guy WHAAAT?!
{Homestar picks up Gitmo and outs him on a Ping-Pong table, and Planestar and Uncle Aridus play Ping-Pong with Gitmo as the ball.}
GITMO:AHHHH! GITMO IS NOT PLEASED! GITMO WILL DANCE ON YOUR GRAAAVE! YOOOUR GRAAAAVE!
{Cut to Darknight sitting next to Strong Bad in a parked black van with "NOT LEAGUE OF AIRSTAR HATERS" written on the side. Darknight is listening to recordings.}
GITMO FROM MICROPHONE:AAAAHHH! I AM JUST A TAXI CAB DRIVER!!! I WILL KILL YOU AAAAL!
DARKNIGHT:We need a new mole. Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD:.....Fine.
{Cut to thr Short Guy ping pong. Strong Bad walks in with a blue star shirt and a wire under it.}
GITMO:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
STRONG BAD:{Trying to hold back his laughter, then releases it.} HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! THAT IS SO FREAKIN' FUNNY!!! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Oh, geez...
{Airstar walks over with a yellow body suit on with a helmet.}
AIRSTAR:This is my Cow Punching Gear. Gotta be prepared in case they fight back. Wait, where's Grampa?
{Stacy the nurse comes over there.}
STACY:He's over there, taking a nap.
AIRSTAR:Uh...of course. So...Stacy....what's up? {Starts sweating.}
STACY:Oh, just...doin' my job.
STRONG BAD:Darknight, are you getting this?
{Cut to Darknight listening in the van.}
DARKNIGHT:Yeah. We can kidnap Stacy, as well. MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!
{Cut to the TV room. All 24 of the relatives and Stacy are sleeping in sleeping bags. Then cut to Darknight climbing up a ladder and getting into Airstar's blimp. Strong Bad comes next, and then Bubs, and then Water Bad, all in black robber outfits with flash lights.}
DARKNIGHT:{Whispers} Okay, let's go.
{He walks a little and then stops in his tracks, looks down, and sighs.}
STRONG BAD:What's wrong?
DARKNIGHT:I'm beggining to think that this rivalry with Airstar was just a huge mistake. I mean I devoted my life to killing him, and look at what it's got me. Four prison sentences, major injuries, and two months locked up at Gitmo. Egh-wait! {Points his flashlight at a July 2008 calendar with a picture of Master Chief from Halo on it.} He has the same calendar that I have! ARGGGHHH! Let's kill him.
{They all walk until they get to the ladder, which they climb up and walk past Airstar's room, the bathroom, Schoolstar's room, The Chuck's room, through the kitchen and into the TV room. Strong Bad wheels Grampa Flyer out, Bubs puts tape over Oxy's mouth and puts her in a bag and drags her out, and Darknight does the same with Stacy. Then he puts a video tape on the couch labeled "Lookie here" and then drags her out. Cut to Airstar's room the next morning. He gets up.}
AIRSTAR:{Yawns} Ahh...well. I better get coffee.
{Cut to the kitchen where Airstar is drinking a cup of coffee.}
AIRSTAR:Ahhh....better go check on the family reunion in there.
{He walks in there.}
AIRSTAR:Wait, where's Grampa Flyer, Oxy and Stacy? And what the crap is this tape on the couch?
{He picks up the tape and puts it in the VCR. Cut to the TV screen. Darknight is sitting on a chair with a cigar.}
DARKNIGHT:Hi, Airstar. Haven't seen you since the 20th. Anyway, your Dad's dad is in my lair, along with your sister and Stacy. Get them back if you pay me 2 million bucks and bring it to my hideout, and if there's any cop intervention, or when you come you don't have the 2 million, or anything fishy goes on, you will be shot and killed. Ta ta! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
{The tape ends. Cut to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:NOOOOO!!! This is terrible!! HOW AM I GONNA COME UP WITH THE MONEY??!!! Ohh...
{Slips onto the floor. The paper comes down saying, "Tune in next time to find out!"}
