Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Crippl'd

From Umcom

{Airstar clicks on the email icon}

AIRSTAR:Okay, we checkin' email like we just made a weed trail!

Clever Mr Flyer...

Cleverly done, Mr. Flyer, but you're not supposed to be here.
As a matter of fact, you're not.

I want to give you an offer you won't regret.

DESTROY THE ULTIMATIUM, the tall black building in the city that is crippling the city slowly.

I have a note: You and your friends discover they've somehow escaped both the reactor explosion and my malevolent grasp. Before you can ponder their miraculous survival, the crippled Ultimatium lurches back to life just long enough to initiate a self-destruct sequence. With your friends at your side, you must flee a city in chaos before the Ultimatium's final detonation turns the country into a toxic, mutant-infested crater.

Until we meet again, Anonymous.

AIRSTAR:Uh, I go to the building all the time. It's fine. Like that time I went to get copies of paper...

{Cut to Airstar in this dark hallway with a desk and a scanner on it. Creepy ghostly things with red eyes keep flying around. Airstar puts a peice of paper in the scanner. A creepy ghostly thing comes up to him.}

EVIL GHOST:AGGGHHH!!!

AIRSTAR:Oh, hey. Do you work here? Because this crappy thing won't work.

EVIL GHOST:Yeah, sometimes it does that. You just need to shake it a little bit.

AIRSTAR:Oh, okay.

{Airstar shakes it. It starts making noises.}

AIRSTAR:There it goes.

EVIL GHOST:Yeah. There it-there it goes. Oh and also, YOU WILL BURN IN AN ARENA OF ETERNAL TORTURE!!

AIRSTAR:Hey, where's the bathroom?

EVIL GHOST:Second door on your left.

AIRSTAR:Thanks.

{Airstar leaves.}

EVIL GHOST:Well, I need to take my lunch break.

{Cut back to Airstar.}

AIRSTAR:See? This'll be easier than fighting a guy on crutches.

{Cut to Schoolstar on crutches swinging his legs at Airstar in the computer room.}

SCHOOLSTAR:SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

AIRSTAR:AHH!

{He kicked him off the stool.}

AIRSTAR:What was that for?

SCHOOLSTAR:You made fun of my people.

AIRSTAR:You're getting those off in two weeks!

SCHOOLSTAR:So?

AIRSTAR:So, uh...let's go destroy the ultimatum! The black building in the city that's crippling it slowly...

SCHOOLSTAR:You mean Exxon Mobile?

AIRSTAR:No! I mean the other...building. I'll go mapquest it.

{He walks off to the right. Fade to black. Then fade to Airstar,Homestar,Strong Bad and The Chuck in front of the door to the black building. There is a man with red eyes in a trenchcoat in front of it.}

TRENCHCOAT GUY:Hello, brave four. Do you dare enter the building of doom?!

AIRSTAR:Yeah, we'd like to.

TRENCHCOAT GUY:Well then you must take these pamphlets.

{He hands out pamphlets to the four.}

AIRSTAR:Roxxan Taylor?

TRENCHCOAT GUY:Just go in there!

{They enter to see a lobby with a buncha dead people sitting on benches. An evil spirit flys up to them.}

EVIL SPIRIT:Hello, and welcome to the Ultimatum Hotel and also resort! Please be sure to check out our swimming pool! OF DARKNESS AND DECEPTION! And free food! MADE OF FINGERS. Chicken fingers! THAT ARE POISONOUS! To moths! AND PEOPLE! Who have major facial deformities. LIKE UNDERBITES! I mean, overbites! And be sure to check out our casino, too.

STRONG BAD:Hey, Homestar! I see dead people. Get it?

HOMESTAR:No. Now let's go!

{Cut to them in the elevator. Peacful music plays. And then the door swings open and they walk out to see the dark spirits roaming around.}

AIRSTAR:She assigned us room, 89!

{They walk in to see a luxury suite.}

THE CHUCK:Wow. Alot more than expected.

AIRSTAR:Yeah.

{The ghost girl comes on this big tv screen.}

EVIL SPIRIT:All these luxuries will now be taken away by ME!

{Everything in the room melts to nothing but goo.}

ALL:AW!

EVIL SPIRIT:Ha! The only thing worse than having no luxuries is having no luxuries and knowing what you're missing! Also, say hello to...

{The tv screen shows Bubs with duct tape on his mouth.}

ALL:GASP!

EVIL SPIRIT:You know how we're crippling the city? We're crippling it's economy by taking away Bubs'! HA!

STRONG BAD:That's all?

EVIL SPIRIT:Well, not all...we're also burning it to the ground.

{Cut to the KOT'S castle. An evil spirit is burning it down with a lighter.}

EVIL SPIRIT:That's right. Burn, baby, burn!

{Cut back to the room.}

EVIL SPIRIT:Well, any questions?

{Strong Bad raises his hand.}

EVIL SPIRIT:Hmm......Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD:Oh! Well, are you the same guys who took over FCUSA during the Halloween special for Airstar emails?

EVIL SPIRIT:Did I? Yes. Was it easy? Yes. Am I going to fall for the "Choco-late" trick again? No. Ta-ta!

{The tv turns off.}

AIRSTAR:Well, that's a problem.

{Cut to Strong Sad in his room with "Monopoly","Life","Scrabble" and "Sorry!" all on the table.}

STRONG SAD:Sorry's winning.

{The wall starts burning.}

STRONG SAD:AGGGHHH!!!

{Cut to The Cheat DJing at "Club Technochocolate". The lighted floors start to catch on fire. Coach Z walks in.}

COACH Z:You really light these floors alot.

THE CHEAT:MEEEEHH!!

{They both jump offscreen. Cut to The King of Town at his table, eating a huge steak. His beard starts to catch on fire.}

KOT:Ohh! Spicy!

{Cut to Pom-Pom. He's walking in the feild with glasses on for some reason. He suddenly catches on fire, explodes and hurdles into the clouds. Cut back to the four.}

AIRSTAR:Oh, no! What have we done to deserve this?!

{Everyone except Airstar looks like their thinking suddenly.}

AIRSTAR:.....RHETORICAL!!

ALL EXCEPT AIRSTAR:Oh, yeah...

AIRSTAR:Let's go outside this room.

{They go outside to see a bunch of evil spirits again. They start walking and they see a machine that some Evil spirit with a trucker cap and a cigarette is fixing.}

EVIL SPIRIT:Did thin' not workin'.

{It starts shaking.}

HOMESTAR:Umm...maybe we should run!

{They start running away. The machine explodes and sends them flying. Cut to Strong Bad waking up in a destroyed room.}

STRONG BAD:Woah...I survived?

{Airstar and the other two run in.}

AIRSTAR:Strong Bad, the ultimatum is destroyed!

HOMESTAR:Yeah, and we'we alive! But how?

EVIL VOICE:OH REALLY?!

{The entire room restores itself and fills it with evil spirits. A shadowy person walks in from the right.}

SHADOWY PERSON:DID YOU THINK YOU WON?!!!!!!!!!!

AIRSTAR:That voice sounds...

{The shadowy person walks out of the shadows and reveals herself to be...GARBACHOF!}

GARBACHOF:FAMILIAR?!!!$43$3@!#$1%$31$$@$#^$&^5$*6%$87^%76(*798(((((111!

AIRSTAR:OH MY GOD! Garbachof, what are you doing, here?

GARBACHOF:I'M PUTTIN' REVENGE ON YOU AND THIS TOWN!!11!1!!$@1%@%36%6_+=_=_+%^$#@$111111111111111111!1!!!1111!!

AIRSTAR:What did the town ever do to you?

GARBACHOF:SHADDUP!!!!31#!#@!$3@$#!#@1#$@1$@!@%$3^%$76%*&6)(*&)*&)*0(*-+**=*645@!#!@!11!

AIRSTAR:Okay. Well, we're leaving,

GARBACHOF:NO! YOU ALMOST ESCAPED MY MALEVOLENT GRASP ONCE WITH THAT REACTOR EXPLOSION, BUT NOT AGAIN! EVIL SPIRITS???///////^87^87^85&^4^5$75^?

{The evil spirits attack the four and tie them to chairs.}

STRONG BAD:Come on! I'm missing Scrubs!

GARBACHOF:YOU LIKE SCRUBS?!#@!#@!$#@1$32!$#2$#^0_*0*(^^$$3#@43!!#@!32!34@1#@1432!??//????????

STRONG BAD:I love Scrubs!

GARBACHOF:OMG11#@!43@!$#@!432!4#@!$#@1$@!4#@ME TOO!!!!!#!3@!4#@1$3214#!$2!4#@@ YOU CAN BE LET OUT OF HERE!!!@$!$#1#!$32!4#@

THE REST:WHAT??

{The evil spirits untie Strong Bad and let him out the door.}

HOMESTAR:I LOVE SCWUBS!

GARBACHOF:SHADDUP12!2#!$#@132

HOMESTAR:Okay.

GARBACHOF:NOW, OUR PLAN IS TO LEAVE THIS BUILDING WITH YOU INSIDE, THEN BLOW IT UP WITH FIVE MINUTES ON THE CLOCK, YURNING FCUSA INTO A MUTANT INFESTED CRATER! HA HA!!!@#!$#@!$@#1$#@!$32!$@#!4#@!$#@1$#@1$#1$#@

AIRSTAR:Awesome?

{Garbachof sets a timer and throws it on the floor while every spirit escapes. She escapes too.}

STRONG BAD:How are we gonna escape? I don't wanna die!

SCHOOLSTAR:Yeah, me neither, I guess!

AIRSTAR:Luckily, I kept this thing!

{Airstar pulls out the Microsoft Hypnobox from email 17.}

AIRSTAR:It has la-zer technology!

{The Hypnobox shoots a laser beam at everybody's rope. They all get up. They pick up the timer and see "3:07" Airstar hits it once. It changes to "2:01"}

AIRSTAR:No, stop the explosion!

{He hits it again, and it changes to "0:13"}

ALL:AHHH!!

{He pushes another button and the bomb gets defused. They all walk outside.}

ALL:WE DEFEATED THEM!!

{Cut to Airstar at his computer.}

AIRSTAR:And that's how we deafated you, Garby. See ya next time!

STRONG BAD:{Offscreen} Hey Airstar!

{Airstar turns around to see Strong Bad and Garbachof holding hands.}

STRONG BAD:Check my new girlfriend!

AIRSTAR:What?

STRONG BAD:We love Scrubs so much that we're going on a date!

GARBACHOF:SO DEAL WITH IT!1!2!432!4#@1$#@143@!$#@1$#2!$32!4#@!!!!1!

AIRSTAR:Oh, i'm gonna puke.

{Airstar runs offscreen. the paper comes down.}