Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Blood
From Umcom
SATURDAY, APRIL 7, 2007
{Airstar is standing in front of his desk with a red star on.}
AIRSTAR:Last email, I was in Darknight's white room.
{The screen cuts to Airstar and the Chuck and Darknight in the white room.}
AIRSTAR:{Overvoice} Previously on Airstar emails...
DARKNIGHT:That's it! BIRDS!!!
BIRDS:HUUH!
DARKNIGHT:ATTACK!!!
{The birds star pecking at Airstar and The Chuck.}
AIRSTAR:AHGHHG!
{Dick Cheney comes in with a rifle.}
DICK CHENEY:Don't worry, guys! I'm an expert at bird hunting! And corruption!
{Dick Cheney shoots Darknight in the face.}
DARKNIGHT:AGHGHHGHGHH!!!
{Darknight falls down.}
DICK CHENEY:Crap. I confused a man with a deer again.
AIRSTAR:SHOOT THE FREAKIN' BIRDS! OW!
{He tries to shoot one but he misses.}
DICK CHENEY:Ehh. I could use a distraction right now. Ladies and gentleman, Mr.Conway Twitty.
{The screen rolls over to a guy on a stage sitting on a stool with guitar players behind him.}
CONWAY TWITTY:I could hear you're heart beatin'....Bum bum bum bum!
{He gets shot in the face and falls down. We roll back to Dick Cheney, Airstar and The Chuck}
DICK CHENEY:Sorry, I thought you were a deer!
{The birds fall to the ground, dead.}
AIRSTAR:Weird. No thanks to you, Dick!
DICK CHENEY:I don't help anybody. I'm a republican. I don't even know what Darfur is.
AIRSTAR:Here comes the Taks test and Strong Bad and Water Bad!
DICK CHENEY:DEER!
{He fires his gun. You hear dropping noises.}
AIRSTAR:Guess that elimantes them.
{Cut back to Airstar at his computer.}
AIRSTAR:Gonna check my email tonight! {Clicks on Airstaremail2007 icon}
EWW! Those red blotches on your back look serious! You need to go see a doc or something! Blimpfully yours, TheCheeseyGuy
AIRSTAR:Well those blotches are from strangling people that watch our show all day. {Pause} ....Do'h! I mean, from...chopping up chcikens all day. Yeah. Heh heh. But they are getting bigger. I should consult the best doctor in the room. Dr.T-doggin! SCHOOLSTAR!
SCHOOLSTAR:{Offscreen} YEAH!?
AIRSTAR:LAND THIS AT FCUSA HOSPITAL!
SCHOOLSTAR:KAY KAY!
{Cut to outside the blimp. It is landing right next to a white building that says "FCU5A Hospital East wing entrance". Closeup shot of the blimp. Airstar and The Chuck walk out.}
AIRSTAR:I hope we see bleeding gums Murphy here. I learned how to play the sax from him.
{Airstar takes out a saxaphone and starts playing to the tune of "New Orleans funk"}
THE CHUCK:MEH! SHUT UP! YOU'RE IN PUBLIC!
{He stops playing.}
AIRSTAR:Oh, man.
{They enter the hospital. They sit in the waitng room. They see many tv docters walkin' around. Dr.House,Dr.Demento,Dr.Hibbert,Dr.Hartfeild, everybody. Dr.T-Doggin walks up to them.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:What are you here for?
AIRSTAR:These red blotches on my back keep getting bigger.
{Airstar stands up and turns around.}
DR.T-DOGGIN:Hm. I'll leave that to Dr.Luther-I mean Dr.C-doggin and his assistant Dr.Runner.
{Dr.T-Doggin walks away. Homestar in Scrubs and a bald, buff, mid-40's angry guy in a white coat walks up to them.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Hi i'm Dr.Cox. But call me Dr.C-doggin for copyright reasons. This is my incompetent new intern, Newbstar Balleter. We will-hold on, let me rephrase that, I will take good care of you. Dr.Oprahstar here will lead you to you're room while I, the real docter will go get you're files from the girl-hungry jocks in the surgery center.
{He walks away.}
HOMESTAR:Allow me to inroduce myself, my name, is Homestar Runner. And I will lead you to youw woom.
{Pause.}
AIRSTAR:So, lead us there.
HOMESTAR:Um, I don't know whewe it is. So...
{Long pause. Dr.C-Doggin walks by and stops.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Oh ho ho hoh! It's Shellystar! Why aren't you leading them to there room, Newbie?
HOMESTAR:I fowgot whewe it is.
{Cut to a hospital room. Dr.C-doggin is looking at Airstar's back with Homestar behind him.}
DR.C-DOGGIN:I don't see any medical reason for this expansion of blood. Besides the fact that you strangled people.
AIRSTAR:HOW'D YOU KNOW?! I mean...D'OH!
DR.C-DOGGIN:I watch you're email show.
AIRSTAR:Oh. Wait...i'm remembering something...I joined a cult two days ago! And they put a blood expansioner on my back as a sign of less than 3 days membership!
DR.C-DOGGIN:You joined a cult? Is it the Wrenchcutters or something? {Chuckles.}
AIRSTAR:Yes.
{Pause}
DR.C-DOGGIN:Oh. Ehg...i'm not part of that cult in any way. Le'te patelo'!
{He runs away.}
HOMESTAR:I'm pawt of it too. I'm number 27!
AIRSTAR:871.
DR.C-DOGGIN:{Offscreen} 172! I MEAN...NOT!
AIRSTAR:I should go there tonight.
{Cut to downtown FCUSA. Generic buildings are in the background. Airstar walks to a manhole in the center of the road and opens it. Cut to the inside of the underground cult headquarters. Airstar is in a red robe with a badge that says "871" and a hat shaped like a crowbar with a symbol of a crowbar on it. He's talking to Homestar with the same outfit on accept a "27" badge.}
AIRSTAR:So, what do we do in this cult?
HOMESTAR:We pawty,kidnap,assasinate, and rig Oscar nights. And all contests. In fact, Lee Harvey Oswald was a wrenchcuttew.
AIRSTAR:That's not realy somethong to be proud of.
HOMESTAR:We know.
AIRSTAR:Okay...so anyway...there's to answer you're question, Cheesyface.
{We zoom out to see Airstar,The Chuck,Schoolstar,Homestar,Bubs,Darknight Creeper,Airbird Inventor,Airjet Booster,Superstar Hoopster,Airstar's version of Trogdor,puppets,Kids,Strong Bad,little Airstar,little The Chuck,Oxygenstar,Breathstar,ninjas,1-Up's evil version,Homestar evil version,The Goat Rambler,Clone-up,107-Up,two white and red astromunds,Homsar evil version,The Homestar Runner evil version,Anderson Cooper,some guy,a cow,Waldo,A cashier,The Chav, Shortstar Runner,Darktower,The Cheat,The Chav,MikeControl,Homsar,Trevor,Stinkoman,1-Up,Agent,Super Sam,The Announcer,Mustachio Homestar,Dick Cheney,Coach Z,Dr.T-doggin,Atari Homestar,Cheerleader,assorted time period Airstars,Homsar44withpie,Taks test,Water Bad,Bill,Japanese guy,Joel,Birds,Conway Twitty,and Dr.C-doggin.}
ALL OF E'M:HAPPY DAPPY FREAKIN' EASTER!
AIRSTAR:THESE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE APPEARED IN MY EMAILS! EASTER! 2006! I MEAN 8! I MEAN 4! I MEAN...1776, NO, 2007! YEAH, 7!
{The paper comes down.}
[edit] Fun facts
Dick Cheney is our current vice presdent, moron. XD.
Conway Twitty is a country singer.
He mentioned strangling people during an old intro to Airstar emails.
"D'oh!" is Homer Simpson's catchphrase.
"Bleeding gums Murphy" is a character from The Simpsons.
"New Orleans Funk" is some kinda jazzy song.
Dr.House is from the FOX tv show "House".
Dr.Hibbert is another Simpsons character.
Dr.Hartfeild is from Family Guy.
Dr.C-doggin is from the NBC dramedy (Comedy and Drama) "Scrubs" (2001-present).
The Wrenchcutters are a refrence to The Stonecutters from The Simpsons. (Again.)
Lee Harvey Oswald is the assasinator of JFK.
