Feelin' Like 600 Bucks
From Umcom
{We start with Homestar waking up in his room. The calendar says its June 8.}
HOMESTAR:{Yawns.} Ahhh! Today's gonna be a Homestar day, I can feel it!
{He gets up and puts on his slippers.}
HOMESTAR:Well, time to get the mail.
{He walks offscreen. You hear him falling down the stairs.}
HOMESTAR:{Offscreen} I always forget that they're there.
{We cut to him walking up to a blue mailbox labeled "H.M. Runner". He opens it up and pulls out a letter and opens it.}
HOMESTAR:"Dear Homestar Michael Runner, the government has sent you a 600 dollar Tax Rebate for the 2007 tax season. We got ya money right here, pal." Hmmm...the only part of that I understood was the part about 600 bucks! Yay!
{He takes out the check and smells it.}
HOMESTAR:Smells like freedom. Now, what to do with it?
{A van with a "Brown Cola" Advertisement drives by. Cut to Strong Bad on his couch, waking up with the TV on.}
STRONG BAD:Man, I musta left the TV on last night.
TV HOST:Let's play, "Who Wants to Be a Thousandaire?"
STRONG BAD:Anyway, I should go get some breakfast. But first, mail.
{Cut to Strong Bad walking up to his mailbox and opening it. He pulls out a letter and two magazines.}
STRONG BAD:Hmm..."Mexican Wrestlers Today" and "Clothes Tri-Milleniumly". Well, i'm sure my Ancestor got this magazine in the year 8. What's this? "Dear Strong Bad Leo Mudgeman, your government has sent you 600 buckaroos as a rebate for last year's tax season. Knock yourself out." Wow. Cool. What to do with it?
{He looks in "Clothes Tri-Milleniumly"}
STRONG BAD:Oh, look an advertisement for The Awexomer Image. I've heard about that place.
{Cut to The Cheat coming out of the King Of Town's Grill and stretching.}
THE CHEAT:{Yawn.} Meeh...
{He jumps down to a blue mailbox that says "T. Cheat". He opens it and takes out three magazines and a letter.}
THE CHEAT:Meh! "Meh Mehna, meh meh mehna mehlemeh meh mehna meh meh meh-mehla mehnla meh meh meh mehn 'meh-a-mehnt mehnmehnameh' mehna meh. MEEEEH. Meh, Mehna meh."
{Subtitles:"Dear The Cheat, your good ol' government is givin' you this old-fashioned 600 dollar check for the 'Tax-a-Thon 2007' thing we had. WOOO! Enjoy, The Management."}
THE CHEAT:Meh! Mehna meh meh mehna meh. {"Yay! What to do with it is the question."}
{An apple with a bite out of it falls on The Cheat's head. Cut to Strong Bad talking to Strong Mad in his room. Strong Mad is playing with his "Doug The Dino" toys.}
STRONG BAD:This 600 dollar stimulus check came in for ya, bro.
{He hands it to Strong Mad.}
STRONG MAD:WHAT TO DO??
STRONG BAD:Yeah.
{Cut to Strong Bad in Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is writing a poem.}
STRONG BAD:Hey, Corkscrew.
STRONG SAD:That's almost a compliment!
STRONG BAD:Fine, loser that will never amount to anything and will die a slow, painful death.
STRONG SAD:That's...{Sniff.} better.
STRONG BAD:Anywho, {Holds up check.} here's your 600 dollar stimulus check. The only reason i'm giving this to you and not stealing it is because I never thanked you for that thing you did for me back in '87. The thing you should NEVER. EVER. TALK ABOUT. 'Kay?
STRONG SAD:Yeah, sure.
{He gives him the check. Cut to Bubs opening his purple mailbox.}
BUBS:"Dear Bubs C. Stand, here's a check blah" Cool.
{A giant Hamster with a hat walks up to him.}
BUBS:Hey, Hamster Jones.
HAMSTER JONES:Hey, Bubs.
{Cut to Marzipan at her orange mailbox looking at her mail.}
MARZIPAN:"Dear Marzipan Marissa Walker, here's 600 big ones from that 06', I mean 07' thing. Whateva." Cool! {Sniffs.} What's that beatiful smell?
{Cut to Pom-Pom opening his green mailbox and pulling out mail.}
POM-POM:{Bubbles}
{Subtitles:"To whom it may or may not concern, AKA Pom-Pom, the 'Govy' just sent you 599.99 cents and one penny. Do somethin' with it, airhead. Sincerely, The 'Govy'" Cool! I'm slighly richer! End subtitles. A homeless man walks behind him. Cut to Coach Z waking up on his bench.}
COACH Z:Orrrr!!! What a norce sleep!
{Strong Sad in a mailman outfit comes in.}
STRONG SAD:Hey. {Reaches into his bag.} Here's a 600 dollar stumulus check. {Coach Z grabs it.}
COACH Z:600 horndred real dollars?! I'm rich!
STRONG SAD:Geez, it's only 600 bucks. What is that, like 400 cups of coffee?
COACH Z:So? I mean, real morney is better dan no morney! I'm gonna spend this like it's 2009!
STRONG SAD:Don't you mean 1999?
COACH Z:Nope! Now, I nord to take my morning run.
{Cut to The King of Town and the Poopsmith at the king's wooden table looking at their checks.}
KOT:I know what i'm gonna use this for!
POOPSMITH:{Holds up sign saying "What to do, what to do?"}
{Cut to Homestar at his mailbox holding the check.}
HOMESTAR:Wow! That Brown Cola van that just drove by gave me one of those iDeas!
{Holds up an iPod lookin' thing that is green and says iDea.}
HOMESTAR:But it also gives me an idea. Hmm...
{Cut to Homestar at Bubs'.}
HOMESTAR:Hey, Bubsy boy. How much would it be for a several gallons of Brown Cola?
BUBS:How coincidental! Exactly six-hundered-{They both nod their heads twice.} dollars!
HOMESTAR:Cool! Here. {He hands Bubs the check. Bubs goes to the back and then starts wheeling out giant Brown Cola bottles.}
BUBS:What are you gonna do with all these soda materials?
HOMESTAR:I'm gonna fill up the pool with it.
BUBS:Cool. I spent my 600 dollar tax rebate on this giant hamster-wheel.
{He rolls out a giant Hamster wheel and gets in it.}
BUBS:See ya!
{He rolls away.}
HOMESTAR:Bye! Now to the swimming place!
{Cut to Homestar emptying the Brown Cola into the pool. The first bottle empties.}
HOMESTAR:One bottle down.
{He opens the next one. After a minute or so, it empties.}
HOMESTAR:One bottle down.
{He opens the next one. Strong Mad walks up to him.}
STRONG MAD:HI!
HOMESTAR:Hey, Strong Mad-ison. What's up?
STRONG MAD:I'M USING REDATE TO MAKE MOVIE!
HOMESTAR:Um, what kinda movie?
STRONG MAD:DOUG THE DINO MOVIE!
HOMESTAR:Umm...okay. Why?
STRONG MAD:IN 1995, THERE WAS A SPACE HERO. IN 1998, THERE WAS A BUG. IN 2001, THERE WAS A MONSTER. IN 2003 THERE WAS A FISH. IN 2004, THERE WAS A SUPERHERO. IN 2006 THERE WAS A CAR. IN 2007 THERE WAS A RAT. AND IN 2008 THERE WILL BE A DINOSUAR!
HOMESTAR:I actually think that 2008 is the robot.
STRONG MAD:SHUT UP! HERE'S THE POSTER!
{He hols out a cruelly done white poster with a badly drawn dinosuar and a badly drawn toilet and "SUMER 20008" at the bottom and above that it says "DoUG tHe DiNo"}
HOMESTAR:Well, the spelling's good but the drawings are...lacking.
STRONG MAD:I WILL KILL YOUR FACE!
HOMESTAR:Whatever, man. You know, you know. I'm just gonna have fun with this Brown Cola pool.
STRONG MAD:BYE!
{Strong Mad walks away. Cut to Strong Bad at the Awexomer Image store. He's talking to Senor Cardgage at the counter. There's chairs and robots and fancy crap all around.}
STRONG BAD:Yes, my good man. I would like one of your useless robots that dance!
SENOR CARDGAGE:Yes, Genalia.
{Senor takes out a silver robot shapped like him.}
STRONG BAD:That robot looks just like me!
SENOR CARDGAGE:That would be 599.100 cemts, Grundalini.
STRONG BAD:Okay, do you accept...stimulus?
{Takes out check.}
STRONG BAD:Ching ching!
