Tarot
From Ucbgwinn600
OPEN ON:
INT. FORTUNE TELLER SHOP - AFTERNOON MAN I came to you because you're my only hope. My life is in shambles. My wife just left me and took our kids, I owe some people some money, a lot of money and I've been in the same dead end job for years, constantly being passed over for a promotion time and time again. Sometimes I think, I'm better off dead. I saw the sign outside and I took it for, well a sign. FORTUNE TELLER Yes, I have been expecting you. Please have a seat. The fortune teller sits, cross-legged on the floor. The man, hesitantly sits down too. FORTUNE TELLER (continuing) First, I will lay these cards out and each one will tell me something about you. MAN Oh, I was hoping you could just read my palm or something and just tell me my future. FORTUNE TELLER Oh, but it is not that simple, you see, for I can only tell you what you already know. MAN What? FORTUNE TELLER Let's have a look at the cards, shall we? Please make three piles. Now make two piles from one of the piles, combine two piles. Now make four equal piles from that pile, take out one card from each pile, put then back on the original...... MAN Is this really necessary?
FORTUNE TELLER It is if you want to have your future revea...OK, the Ace of Swords. Yes, Yes. MAN Ace of Swords? Is that good? FORTUNE TELLER These man, that you owe money to, they will come to you. The one named Sal will ask you to do a simple of favor and your debt will be forgotten. MAN Oh, thank goodness. Yes, yes, I will do whatever he asks. Anything to finally put this loan behind me. Maybe once that burden has been lifted, my wife will finally return with my children and I- FORTUNE TELLER You must refuse this favor. MAN What? FORTUNE TELLER You must refuse this favor and threaten to call the authorities on these men if they do not leave your home. MAN These are not men that you can say "no" to and they're certainly not people that you can threaten. FORTUNE TELLER You can and you will. It's in the cards. MAN I don't think you understa- The fortune teller pulls a new card. FORTUNE TELLER Ah yes, the King of Destiny. Interesting.
MAN Interesting good or interesting bad? FORTUNE TELLER In your office, you work with a man named "Charlie". MAN Yes, Charlie was the last one who got promoted before me. I hate Charlie. FORTUNE TELLER Well, then it's good interesting because Charlie's dead. MAN Dead? How? FORTUNE TELLER Oh, well let's see. (Pulls a new card) Oooh, wow, autoerotic asphyxiation. But getting back to you. Tomorrow, when you return to work, your boss will offer you a promotion. MAN Yes! FORTUNE TELLER He will offer you the promotion, and you be so shocked that you will stall before accepting the job. Your boss will take that as a sign that you are holding out, and because he is so desperate he will panic and double your salary. MAN Oh man! That's amazing. I FINALLY get that promotion and with my new salary I can pay of the loan in no time at all. So I finally get my promotion, I can finally put the loan behind me and then my wife will surely come back and- FORTUNE TELLER You must refuse the promotion!
MAN Wait, what??? FORTUNE TELLER Yes, you must refuse the promotion and quit your job. MAN You're crazy! I'm not going to do that. I can hardly make ends meet now. Do you know how difficult it is to find a job these days? FORTUNE TELLER You have no choice. It's in the cards! MAN Why do you keep saying that? What does that even mean? The Fortune teller pulls a new card. FORTUNE TELLER Yes, of course. The [card]. MAN What, what? What does it say? FORTUNE TELLER Your wife... MAN What about my wife? What is it? FORTUNE TELLER Your wife will return to you anf beg you to take her back. MAN Oh yes, I knew it! Honey, of course I'll take you back. This will even make up for the loss of my job and the crippeling beating I will surely take when I refuse the favor from Sal. Oh thank you. Thank you so- FORTUNE TELLER You can not take her back!