The Fly Intervention
From Ucbgwinn600
A guy and a girl are watching a movie...The Fly.
Guy"
Yes. Yes. (jumping out of seat) NO. Don't go in there, thats the fly. Godammit!
(a beat)
I'm sorry I keep putting it on when you come over.
Girl
(sic)If I have to watch that movie one more time I swear...
(enter Jeff Goldblum, Guy starts freaking out.)
Jeff Goldblum
Hello, I'm Jeff Goldblum. Your girlfriend has asked me to come here, she thinks "The Fly" is dominating your life and you need help. She has organized this intervention
Guy
Holy shit. It's Brundle Fly! Brundle Fly! What are you doing, get the gun like we planned.
Girl
He's not the fly! He's an actor.
Jeff Goldblum
Yes. Yes. I act, I'm an actor, I pretend to be things on screen. It's a movie, it isn't real don't you see that.
Guy
You want a donut?
Jeff Goldblum
Why thank you. (he spits on donut and sucks it up)
Guy
HOLY SHIT. You really are a fly!
(enter David Cronenberg. Guy reacts excited.)
David Cronenberg
No, that's just how Jeff Goldblum eats. Hi I'm David Cronenberg. Look I made The Fly when I needed money very badly to make Naked Lunch. If you want to be obsessed with my work thats the superior film.
Guy
Peter Weller just doesn't do it for me. No offense Jeff I know you're in a band with him.
Jeff Goldblum
That's right. I am, we are in a band together, a jazz orchestra. Thats very impressive that you know that. I guess were not having this intervention for nothing.
Girl
WE'RE HAVING THIS INTERVENTION BECAUSE I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE AND IF I HAVE TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS STUPID MOVIE I'M GOING TO BE LIKE GENA DAVIS AND BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BRAINS OUT.
(a beat)
It's a remake anyway.
(enter Vincent Price Jr.Guy gives absolutely no reaction.)
""Vincent Price Jr.""
Hi. I'm Vincent Price Jr.
Cricket noises
(Everyone looks around uncomfortably. Not knowing who he is. Guy just stares in silence obviously not impressed.)
Vincent Price Jr: Maybe you didn't hear me, I am Vincent Price JR (Said with the utmost importance). You might remember the Original FLY, my father filmed in 1958. A film, which you David Cronenberg attempted to remake but destroyed!!!! Mr. Cronenberg you and your shameless Hollywood knockoff disrespected my family name!
David Cronenberg' Are you really Vincent Price Jr? I mean I know your dad was married but...
Vincent Price Jr. My father came to me in a dream last night and told me to avenge the misjustice you carried out on his work. He gave me the missing molecules in order to complete the experiment he was working on when he died. Mr. Cronenberg prepare to meet your maker. Presenting a Vincent Price Jr. creation, Daphne Zuniga fly.
( Actor pops head through curtain the original film is superimposed on body. Daphne Zunigafly in a spider web with the exact likeness of the original film's ending scene.)
Everyone gasps. Then silence.
Guy: (Screaming) Yes! Yes! Say it! You know you want to say it! (Climaxes)
Daphne: Help Me! Help Me!!
Blackout
