The Fly Intervention

From Ucbgwinn600

A guy and a girl are watching a movie...The Fly.

Guy

Yes. Yes. (jumping out of seat) NO. Don't go in there, thats the fly. Godammit!

(a beat)

I'm sorry I keep putting it on when you come over.

Girl

(sic)If I have to watch that movie one more time I swear...

(enter Jeff Goldblum)

Jeff Goldblum

Hello, I'm Jeff Goldblum. Your girlfriend has asked me to come here, she thinks "The Fly" is dominating your lifeI and you need help. She has organized this intervention

Guy

Holy shit. It's Brundle Fly! Brundle Fly! What are you doing, get the gun like we planned.

Girl

He's not the fly! He's an actor.

Jeff Goldblum

Yes. Yes. I act, I'm an actor, I pretend to be things on screen. It's a movie, it isn't real don't you see that.

Guy

You want a donut?

Jeff Goldblum

Why thank you. (he spits on donut and sucks it up)

Guy

HOLY SHIT. You really are a fly!

(enter David Cronenberg)

David Cronenberg

No, that's just how Jeff Goldblum eats. Hi I'm David Cronenberg. Look I made The Fly when I needed money very badly to make Naked Lunch. If you want to be obsessed with my work thats the superior film.

Guy

Peter Weller just doesn't do it for me. No offense Jeff I know you're in a band with him.

Jeff Goldblum

That's right. I am, we are in a band together, a jazz orchestra. Thats very impressive that you know that. I guess were not having this intervention for nothing.

Girl

WE'RE HAVING THIS INTERVENTION BECAUSE I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE AND IF I HAVE TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS STUPID MOVIE I'M GOING TO BE LIKE GENA DAVIS AND BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BRAINS OUT.

(a beat)

It's a remake anyway.

(enter Vincent Price Jr.)

""Vincent Price Jr.""

Hi. I'm Vincent Price Jr.

(a long uncomfortable silence. the others look at each other, and Vince suspicously)

speaks of his father coming to hom in a dream, tells Guy he is obsessed with "the Fly" and more importantly his father says the original is better. possible discussion if Vincent Price (senior) is gay (callback to batman sketch), also possible discussion of old and new fly.

(enter Daphne Zunigafly)