Crime Scene

From Ucbgwinn600

Current revision as of 05:58, 4 April 2006

NEW VERSION (April 4)

NEWER CRIME SCENE CORPSE surrounded by 2 detectives 2 Csi, one Patrolman

STEVE (writing in pad)This is one of the worst murders I've ever seen

BETSY (talking into a tape recorder) Looks to be a female caucasian, appoximayely 16-20 years old Multiple contusions to the head and torso

NEIL (entering) Who wants some doughnuts? (passing out donuts) Whats up the fuckin Knicks last night? Its like they had their heads up their asses. They were not in the game.

JANE No shit …….that Fucking Marbury! Not in the game.

????? Ya gotta get in the game

DAVE Isaiah Thomas is the real culprit. He is so not in the game.

NEIL Isaih Thomas That dude was totally in the game Just for saying that, YOURE not in the game

ALL Get in the game.

NEIL So whadya we have here?

STEVE The assualt was pretty brutal, sir

NEIL I’ll Say… hey, how you like those donuts?

????? Theyre In the game

NEIL Yeah,I got youse some Dunkin Donuts although I wanted to get some krispy cremes

STEVE Krispy Kreme, Mmmmm, now those mother fuckers are in the game

BETSY In the game? Theyre more than in the game, theyre the Michael Jordans of Donuts

JANE Yeah, Dunkin Donuts, there more like the Shaq of donuts In the game, but More of a big name than anything else. ….But in the end gets the job done

DAVE Hey guys, what about Entenmans? I like Entenmans?

????? Entenmans? What are you fuckin crazy

STEVE That shit aint in the game at all

BETSY No, there the fuckin Bob cousey of morning snack food Sure, they have the history, and they were a respected player at one time But they cant play ball with todays big boys

STEVE No way, entenmans is in the game

NEIL Just for saying you like them YOU are out of the fucking game

ALL C’mon get in the game

NEIL So what that I see?

STEVE Looks like he carved a pentagram in her head Oh, and he raped her,

BETSY She suffered severe anal trauma.

NEIL Took her right up the pooper. My wife never lets me take her up the pooper any more. When we were dating, sure, but once ya give em a ring, forget about it, when it comes to butt sex

She is just not in the game.

????? You mean, she put out the whole time you were dating, then once you got married she stoppped now that’s called not being in the game

NEIL I mean, she’ll knosh on the squash every now and again But that’s it

DAVE What about 69, I like 69

STEVE 69? What, that aint in the game

JANE no way, that’s like trading in your yankee tickets to see some triple A ball, technically in “a” game, but not the game you wanna be in

DAVE 69 is sooo sexy, its totally in the gane

NEIL Just for saying that, YOU are not in the game

ALL Get in the game

NEIL So, any leads?

????? The lacerations fit the M.O. of the chelsea chopper.

JANE It does fit the profile

NEIL The profile My mistress had a hell of a profile on Match.com. and She takes it up the pooper, that’s what I call being in the game.

JANE Keeping your man happy, that’s how ya stay in the game.

BETSY Yeah, sure but you guys, you cant just be a two-pump chump either, if you can only go a couple of minutes you are not in the game

STEVE Hey, I’m the Krispy kreme of lovemaking, the Wilt Chamerlain of the bedroom, the reason they ever have match.com is so women can meet me

JANE Right, we get it, youre in the game

DAVE Oh sirs…No fibers, no tissue under the vic's nails. Not one eyewitness in a 5 block radius.

STEVE Hmmm, this guy is in the game

JANE Game, Definitely in it

????? But hold on ….he did leave his wallet behind, perhaps we might just be able to catch him if we got to his home address

NEIL Great idea, besides if we leave now we just might have time to make the breakfast special at micky Dees on the way

STEVE now that’s thinking in the game

BETSY Micky Dees, that shit is game, game, game

????? Egg Mc Muffin….. totally in the game

DAVE What about Wendy’s, does anyone like Wendy’s?

NEIL For Breakfast? Are you fuckin kidding me They are so not in the game

JANE the Captains right I mean if you had said burger King, I would have been like, well maybe At least they are they Jeff Gordon of fast food, but Wendy’s You might as well be riding with Mark Martin

DAVE Mark Martin? Wendys aint no Mark Martin

BETSY Yes it is, and we need to ride with the Intimidator, Micky Dees being the Dale Earnhardt And Dale is totally in the game

????? Yeah, dale IS the fucking game

DAVE He wasn’t in the game when he hit that wall

NEIL Dale Earnhardt will always be in the game YOU are definitely not in the game for even saying that

ALL Get in the game

NEIL Alright lets go, I’m getting hungry

(all start heading towards door) STEVE (writing in his pad again) Ok, so whos getting Egg Mc Muffin?

OLD VERSION

OPEN ON:

CRIME SCENE Spotlight on a dead body. Lights up and a crime scene is unfolding. Cops unrolling yellow tape, a chalk outline being drawn, photos being taken, evidence bagged, several detectives are investigating.

Detective Jimmy is at the body

Detective Sanchez is typing on his blackberry

Forensic Detective is obtaining samples

Patrolman is calling it in while perfoming a routine canvass

PATROLMAN

Looks like it's a homocide. Someone definitely push her off the roof.

DETECTIVE JIMMY

It really makes it so difficult to chalk her when her brains are splattered all the way across the street.

DECTECTIVE SANCHEZ

Not only that, but it looks like the perp had his way here right before he pushed her over off the roof.

FORENSIC DETECTIVE

Twenty three years on the beat and I don't think I'll ever get used to this. Well, what are gonna do?

The Captain enters.

CAPTAIN

Hey guys. I brought doughnuts. Jimmy, I'm sorry. They were out of Boston Creme.

DETECTIVE JIMMY

What? Nooo!!! Sonova bitch!

PATROLMAN

Hey look at this. Looks like he slit her neck just before he tossed her off the roof.

CAPTAIN

Yup, typical modis opperendi of this kind of rapist slash killer. Hey did any of you catch the Knicks Raptors game last night?

                       DETECTIVE JIMMY

No, I was pulling a double last night. How'd we do?

CAPTAIN

We lost. Toronto kicked our ass 111 to 58.

PATROLMAN

No, No! Why? How could this happen? What is Larry Brown doing.

                      CAPTIAN
      
   When I get my hands on that Isiah Thomas.

FORENSIC DETECTIVE

Hey, skip, check this out. This sicko carved a pentogram into her forehead.

JIMMY

Wonder if he did that before or after he raped her.

CAPTAIN

Hey by the way, Sanchez, I spoke to the guys at police plaza and unfortunatelly I can't give you off Friday.

SANCHEZ

C'mon that's bullshit! I put in for that weeks ago! Why? Whyyyyyy? (throws up)

DETECTIVE JIMMY

Easy, Sanchez. We still need to get some more pictures.

Sanchez start to photograph the body but the camera gets jammed.

SANCHEZ

Jesus effin Christ! Why? Why now. Not my camera!