Crime Scene
From Ucbgwinn600
NEW VERSION (April 4)
NEWER CRIME SCENE CORPSE surrounded by 2 detectives 2 Csi, one Patrolman
STEVE (writing in pad)This is one of the worst murders I've ever seen
BETSY (talking into a tape recorder) Looks to be a female caucasian, appoximayely 16-20 years old Multiple contusions to the head and torso
NEIL (entering) Who wants some doughnuts? (passing out donuts) Whats up the fuckin Knicks last night? Its like they had their heads up their asses. They were not in the game.
JANE No shit …….that Fucking Marbury! Not in the game.
????? Ya gotta get in the game
DAVE Isaiah Thomas is the real culprit. He is so not in the game.
NEIL Isaih Thomas That dude was totally in the game Just for saying that, YOURE not in the game
ALL Get in the game.
NEIL So whadya we have here?
STEVE The assualt was pretty brutal, sir
NEIL I’ll Say… hey, how you like those donuts?
????? Theyre In the game
NEIL Yeah,I got youse some Dunkin Donuts although I wanted to get some krispy cremes
STEVE Krispy Kreme, Mmmmm, now those mother fuckers are in the game
BETSY In the game? Theyre more than in the game, theyre the Michael Jordans of Donuts
JANE Yeah, Dunkin Donuts, there more like the Shaq of donuts In the game, but More of a big name than anything else. ….But in the end gets the job done
DAVE Hey guys, what about Entenmans? I like Entenmans?
????? Entenmans? What are you fuckin crazy
STEVE That shit aint in the game at all
BETSY No, there the fuckin Bob cousey of morning snack food Sure, they have the history, and they were a respected player at one time But they cant play ball with todays big boys
STEVE No way, entenmans is in the game
NEIL Just for saying you like them YOU are out of the fucking game
ALL C’mon get in the game
NEIL So what that I see?
STEVE Looks like he carved a pentagram in her head Oh, and he raped her,
BETSY She suffered severe anal trauma.
NEIL Took her right up the pooper. My wife never lets me take her up the pooper any more. When we were dating, sure, but once ya give em a ring, forget about it, when it comes to butt sex
She is just not in the game.
????? You mean, she put out the whole time you were dating, then once you got married she stoppped now that’s called not being in the game
NEIL I mean, she’ll knosh on the squash every now and again But that’s it
DAVE What about 69, I like 69
STEVE 69? What, that aint in the game
JANE no way, that’s like trading in your yankee tickets to see some triple A ball, technically in “a” game, but not the game you wanna be in
DAVE 69 is sooo sexy, its totally in the gane
NEIL Just for saying that, YOU are not in the game
ALL Get in the game
NEIL So, any leads?
????? The lacerations fit the M.O. of the chelsea chopper.
JANE It does fit the profile
NEIL The profile My mistress had a hell of a profile on Match.com. and She takes it up the pooper, that’s what I call being in the game.
JANE Keeping your man happy, that’s how ya stay in the game.
BETSY Yeah, sure but you guys, you cant just be a two-pump chump either, if you can only go a couple of minutes you are not in the game
STEVE Hey, I’m the Krispy kreme of lovemaking, the Wilt Chamerlain of the bedroom, the reason they ever have match.com is so women can meet me
JANE Right, we get it, youre in the game
DAVE Oh sirs…No fibers, no tissue under the vic's nails. Not one eyewitness in a 5 block radius.
STEVE Hmmm, this guy is in the game
JANE Game, Definitely in it
????? But hold on ….he did leave his wallet behind, perhaps we might just be able to catch him if we got to his home address
NEIL Great idea, besides if we leave now we just might have time to make the breakfast special at micky Dees on the way
STEVE now that’s thinking in the game
BETSY Micky Dees, that shit is game, game, game
????? Egg Mc Muffin….. totally in the game
DAVE What about Wendy’s, does anyone like Wendy’s?
NEIL For Breakfast? Are you fuckin kidding me They are so not in the game
JANE the Captains right I mean if you had said burger King, I would have been like, well maybe At least they are they Jeff Gordon of fast food, but Wendy’s You might as well be riding with Mark Martin
DAVE Mark Martin? Wendys aint no Mark Martin
BETSY Yes it is, and we need to ride with the Intimidator, Micky Dees being the Dale Earnhardt And Dale is totally in the game
????? Yeah, dale IS the fucking game
DAVE He wasn’t in the game when he hit that wall
NEIL Dale Earnhardt will always be in the game YOU are definitely not in the game for even saying that
ALL Get in the game
NEIL Alright lets go, I’m getting hungry
(all start heading towards door) STEVE (writing in his pad again) Ok, so whos getting Egg Mc Muffin?
OLD VERSION
OPEN ON:
CRIME SCENE Spotlight on a dead body. Lights up and a crime scene is unfolding. Cops unrolling yellow tape, a chalk outline being drawn, photos being taken, evidence bagged, several detectives are investigating.
Detective Jimmy is at the body
Detective Sanchez is typing on his blackberry
Forensic Detective is obtaining samples
Patrolman is calling it in while perfoming a routine canvass
PATROLMAN
Looks like it's a homocide. Someone definitely push her off the roof.
DETECTIVE JIMMY
It really makes it so difficult to chalk her when her brains are splattered all the way across the street.
DECTECTIVE SANCHEZ
Not only that, but it looks like the perp had his way here right before he pushed her over off the roof.
FORENSIC DETECTIVE
Twenty three years on the beat and I don't think I'll ever get used to this. Well, what are gonna do?
The Captain enters.
CAPTAIN
Hey guys. I brought doughnuts. Jimmy, I'm sorry. They were out of Boston Creme.
DETECTIVE JIMMY
What? Nooo!!! Sonova bitch!
PATROLMAN
Hey look at this. Looks like he slit her neck just before he tossed her off the roof.
CAPTAIN
Yup, typical modis opperendi of this kind of rapist slash killer. Hey did any of you catch the Knicks Raptors game last night?
DETECTIVE JIMMY
No, I was pulling a double last night. How'd we do?
CAPTAIN
We lost. Toronto kicked our ass 111 to 58.
PATROLMAN
No, No! Why? How could this happen? What is Larry Brown doing.
CAPTIAN
When I get my hands on that Isiah Thomas.
FORENSIC DETECTIVE
Hey, skip, check this out. This sicko carved a pentogram into her forehead.
JIMMY
Wonder if he did that before or after he raped her.
CAPTAIN
Hey by the way, Sanchez, I spoke to the guys at police plaza and unfortunatelly I can't give you off Friday.
SANCHEZ
C'mon that's bullshit! I put in for that weeks ago! Why? Whyyyyyy? (throws up)
DETECTIVE JIMMY
Easy, Sanchez. We still need to get some more pictures.
Sanchez start to photograph the body but the camera gets jammed.
SANCHEZ
Jesus effin Christ! Why? Why now. Not my camera!
