Editing The Fly Intervention

A guy and a girl are watching a movie...The Fly.

'''Guy"

Yes. Yes. (jumping out of seat) NO. Don't go in there, thats the fly. Godammit!

(a beat)

I'm sorry I keep putting it on when you come over.

'''Girl'''

(sic)If I have to watch that movie one more time I swear...

(enter Jeff Goldblum, Guy starts freaking out.)

'''Jeff Goldblum'''

Hello, I'm Jeff Goldblum. Your girlfriend has asked me to come here, she thinks "The Fly" is dominating your life and you need help.  She has organized this intervention. Intervention, discussion, group.

'''Guy'''

Oh my god! You're Jeff Goldblum.


'''Jeff Goldblum'''

Yes. Yes. I am Jeff Goldblum. I'm an actor, I pretend to be things on screen. 
In movies, that aren't real. Pretend movie, story, 

'''Guy'''

You want a donut?

'''Jeff Goldblum'''

Why thank you. (he spits on donut and sucks it up)

'''Guy'''

HOLY SHIT. You really are a fly!

(enter '''David Cronenberg. Guy reacts excited.) 

'''David Cronenberg''' 

No, that's just how Jeff Goldblum eats. Hi I'm David Cronenberg. Look I made The Fly when I needed money very badly to make Naked Lunch. If you want to be obsessed with my work thats the superior film.

'''Guy'''

Peter Weller just doesn't do it for me. No offense Jeff I know you're in a band with him.

'''Jeff Goldblum'''

That's right. I am, we are in a band together, the mildred snitzer orchestra. Thats very impressive that you know that. I guess were not having this intervention for nothing.

'''Girl'''

WE'RE HAVING THIS INTERVENTION BECAUSE I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE AND IF I HAVE TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS STUPID MOVIE I'M GOING TO BE LIKE GENA DAVIS AND BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BRAINS OUT.

(a beat)

It's a remake anyway.

(enter '''Vincent Price Jr.'''Guy gives absolutely no reaction.) 

'''Vincent Price Jr.'''

Hi. I'm Vincent Price Jr.

''Cricket noises''

(''Everyone looks around uncomfortably. Not knowing who he is. Guy just stares in silence obviously not impressed.)'' 

'''Vincent Price Jr''': 
Maybe you didn't hear me,  I am Vincent Price JR ''(Said with the utmost importance)''.
You might remember the Original FLY, my father filmed in 1958.  A film, which you David Cronenberg attempted to remake but destroyed!!!! Mr. Cronenberg you and your shameless Hollywood knockoff disrespected my family name! 
'''

'''David Cronenberg''''
Are you really Vincent Price Jr? I mean I know your dad was married but...

'''Vincent Price Jr.'''
My father came to me in a dream last night and told me to avenge the misjustice you carried out on his work. He gave me the missing molecules in order to complete the experiment he was working on when he died.  Mr. Cronenberg prepare to meet your maker. Presenting a  Vincent Price Jr. creation, Daphne Zuniga fly.

''( Actor pops head through curtain the original film is superimposed on body. Daphne Zunigafly in a spider web with the exact likeness of the original film's ending scene.)''

''Everyone gasps. Then silence.'' 

'''Guy:''' (''Screaming'') Yes! Yes! Say it! You know you want to say it! (''Climaxes'')

'''Daphne:''' Help Me! Help Me!!
 
'''Blackout
'''