Glenns

From Pirate Bitch

The Glenns are all Glenn. However, it is written as a plural because there is more than one of them. In fact, on the last count, there have been over one thousand billion Glenns across the world, although not at once.

As a small child, Glenn was taken from his hometown of Constantinople (circa 1976), and imprisoned by a crazed scientist called Andy Forbes. He invented a cloning device, and placed Glenn inside.

Out of the cloning machine walks a new, cloned Glenn, every 3 seconds [This was later improved to 2.9981673 seconds].

• This meant 1,200 new Glenns were created every hour.
• This meant 28,800 new Glenns were created every day.
• This meant 201,600 new Glenns were created every week.
• This meant 10,512,000 new Glenns were created in a year.

So just over ten million Glenns were upon the Earth in a year, a noticable chunk of the population. However, they were kept in underwater storage tanks across the oceans, so noone would notice them.

In 1985, a Russian Submarine was destroyed by lasers after uncovering this, the only survivor being David Latto.

Forbes created not one, not two, but three hundred cloning machines, all churning out Glenns every 3 seconds. A year after his project had begun, Forbes set all 300 machines in motion.

• This meant 3,153,600,000 new Glenns were created the next year.

At this point, David Latto sold the story to the News Of The World, and reporters flocked to Forbes laboratory. He revealed his intentions the very next day, May 29th 1987.

On the site of a ruined school, he unveiled a large safari park. For a measly £5,000, you could spent 2 hours with whatever weapons you liked, killing as many Glenns as you so wished. This achieved high success, and one man boasted of killing thirty Glenns in one go "with just a whistle and half a penny chew".

In 1991 this went terribly wrong, as a Glenn fixed the cloning machine to clone a billion Glenns a minute, and Forbes' team and business partner and land owner Lionel Donatello Marshmallow fled. The Glenns went wild, forming an army and overpowering all who stood in their way. Prime Minister Rob Paterson ordered the Royal Brittania Army to fire ceaselessly at the army of never ending Glenns. Finally, the location was bombed, and although hundreds of Glenns escaped, most caught fire and melted. The cloning machines were destroyed, although many people wished them to be used to clone one Jamie Tuffield for each person in the world.

Of the original Glenn, noone is sure whether he was killed, mistaken for a clone, or whether he is still alive. A "Glenn Watch Society" exists in many countries, the second most poopular club to Jamie Tuffield's WeightWatchers.

An important fact to note is that the cloned glenns only ever spoke one word, which was "Glenn". The real Glenn knew many more words than this. He could say "Hello", "Goodbye", "Me, Glenn!" and "Nathan Page is a bus face".