User talk:Jordon21
From Create Your Own Story
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It's just, the story seems rather shallow. You have some concept that could be elaborated on. Physical changes, how the character will react to them, deal with them, what the ramifications are of this person no longer being someone society would recognize as the person they were before...and it leads to "Lets go to school and change in the boys locker room and get raped"... Not saying you cannot lead a story there, after all, I don't think many guys understand how to be vigilant, and how to protect yourself to try to prevent being a victim, or even really understand that this is something us women deal with as a matter of fact. I guess it seems too shallow. Again, I know it is your story, and you can write it however you want, and that I am free to f<nowiki>***</nowiki> off if I don't like it, but it seems like you could actually create a real story with sex rather than a shallow story aimed at nothing but sex. Just my thoughts... --[[User:DirtyMeStoryTime|Dirty Me]] 05:03, 21 April 2016 (UTC) | It's just, the story seems rather shallow. You have some concept that could be elaborated on. Physical changes, how the character will react to them, deal with them, what the ramifications are of this person no longer being someone society would recognize as the person they were before...and it leads to "Lets go to school and change in the boys locker room and get raped"... Not saying you cannot lead a story there, after all, I don't think many guys understand how to be vigilant, and how to protect yourself to try to prevent being a victim, or even really understand that this is something us women deal with as a matter of fact. I guess it seems too shallow. Again, I know it is your story, and you can write it however you want, and that I am free to f<nowiki>***</nowiki> off if I don't like it, but it seems like you could actually create a real story with sex rather than a shallow story aimed at nothing but sex. Just my thoughts... --[[User:DirtyMeStoryTime|Dirty Me]] 05:03, 21 April 2016 (UTC) | ||
| - | Thanks for the input. I am thinking of a way to rewrite parts of it. If you have any advice on how to start it, i guess that be helpful. | + | Thanks for the input. I am thinking of a way to rewrite parts of it. If you have any advice on how to start it, i guess that be helpful. - [[:User:Jordon21|Jordon21]] |
Revision as of 03:16, 22 April 2016
I know it is not really my business, since it is your story, not mine, but...
I saw your story Now you're a girl!. It seems like...much more can be done with it. The person wakes up, puzzles over the fact that now he is a she, then shrugs and goes out as normal. I mean, I would think the guys in the locker room would realize the person in there was a girl before clothes even came off...
It's just, the story seems rather shallow. You have some concept that could be elaborated on. Physical changes, how the character will react to them, deal with them, what the ramifications are of this person no longer being someone society would recognize as the person they were before...and it leads to "Lets go to school and change in the boys locker room and get raped"... Not saying you cannot lead a story there, after all, I don't think many guys understand how to be vigilant, and how to protect yourself to try to prevent being a victim, or even really understand that this is something us women deal with as a matter of fact. I guess it seems too shallow. Again, I know it is your story, and you can write it however you want, and that I am free to f*** off if I don't like it, but it seems like you could actually create a real story with sex rather than a shallow story aimed at nothing but sex. Just my thoughts... --Dirty Me 05:03, 21 April 2016 (UTC)
Thanks for the input. I am thinking of a way to rewrite parts of it. If you have any advice on how to start it, i guess that be helpful. - Jordon21
