User talk:DirtyMeStoryTime
From Create Your Own Story
(How did I get the earlier date wrong? I didn't say anything three months ago, it was the third of this month.) |
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+ | == [[User:Darth Malcolm|Darth Malcolm]] == | ||
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+ | We don't know each other. But I appreciate you, and I thought you should know. | ||
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+ | --[[User:Darth Malcolm|Darth Malcolm]] 02:09, 3 December 2021 (UTC) | ||
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== [[User:Teejay|Teejay]] == | == [[User:Teejay|Teejay]] == | ||
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Erm, sorry. I've been sorta busy and I kinda forgot about it. I'll try to give you my proper opinion soon but I can't do it right now because I slept pretty late last night, about 3 A.M. Going to say one thing: your page was a major fucking improvement over the last one. There was actual ''dialogue'' for fuck's sake! | Erm, sorry. I've been sorta busy and I kinda forgot about it. I'll try to give you my proper opinion soon but I can't do it right now because I slept pretty late last night, about 3 A.M. Going to say one thing: your page was a major fucking improvement over the last one. There was actual ''dialogue'' for fuck's sake! | ||
- | You know, there's something weird about the stories on that CYOS. I don't think a lot of it was made by people who were thinking "Forgotten Realms" when they made it. It feels like generic D&D stuff with some vanilla D&D info thrown in. The mentions of Pelor, for one thing. While Pelor, the god of the Sun, is a D&D god, he's not a Forgotten Realms god. The closest there may be to Pelor is Lathander, the Morninglord, the God of spring, dawn, etc. Edit: Huh. There's actually a table in ''Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting'' handbook that tells you which D&D deities to convert to Forgotten Realms deities. Pelor, for example, can be switched with Lathander, Ilmater, the Broken God, or Torm, the Loyal Fury. | + | You know, there's something weird about the stories on that CYOS. I don't think a lot of it was made by people who were thinking "Forgotten Realms" when they made it. It feels like generic D&D stuff with some vanilla D&D info thrown in. The mentions of Pelor, for one thing. While Pelor, the god of the Sun, is a D&D god, he's not a Forgotten Realms god. The closest there may be to Pelor is Lathander, the Morninglord, the God of spring, dawn, etc. |
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+ | Edit: Huh. There's actually a table in ''Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting'' handbook that tells you which D&D deities to convert to Forgotten Realms deities. Pelor, for example, can be switched with Lathander, Ilmater, the Broken God, or Torm, the Loyal Fury. | ||
-[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 21:27 (Louisiana Time), 13 August 2017 | -[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 21:27 (Louisiana Time), 13 August 2017 | ||
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C. Go wild.--[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 00:18 (Louisiana Time), 15 August 2017 | C. Go wild.--[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 00:18 (Louisiana Time), 15 August 2017 | ||
- | No. I'm not really back | + | No. I'm not really back. |
- | + | I'll be blunt: I came here a couple of years ago in 2012 because I was enamored with Choose Your Own Adventures and I thought I could practice my writing here. | |
- | + | However, I stopped going back here a year ago because of one question: what is the point of practicing writing here if nobody will read it or give their opinions? | |
- | I might | + | Not only are there few regulars here but considering the absolute ''plethora'' of smut here, what chance is there for anybody to read anything I've crafted or even give their opinion? Practice is worthless if nobody will point to the problems in your writing. |
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+ | I might contribute to random Choose Your Own Adventures if I'm bored or tempted to go back to old habits of editing on here but I don't think I'll be writing anything of my own here. | ||
If anybody wants to talk to me, though, I'll be here for that and respond. | If anybody wants to talk to me, though, I'll be here for that and respond. | ||
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+ | Heck, if you want me to look at your work for suggestions or any editing ideas, I'm always up for that. | ||
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+ | Edit: Also, there's a Choose Your Own Adventure called "Katarina's Adventures" whose original writer seems to have disappeared so maybe you could take a look and see if you can do anything with it? | ||
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+ | So. This is awkward and not just because it's been (checks last communication) holy shit, half a decade? Anyway, yeah, it's been a long time since we've talked. | ||
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+ | Am I actually back this time? For the foreseeable future, yes. I do have a collaboration I want to contribute to here and that old ''Dungeons and Dragons'' CYOA to fill in with my own idea for an adventure, not just bitterly edit it. Yeah, I really was contemptuous, wasn't I? | ||
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+ | I actually came back today to talk about a way I don't know if you're familiar with Yahtzee, a certain vulgar but hilarious reviewer on The Escapist, but he actually has longer, more drawn-out reviews called "Extra Punctuation". In one of his articles, Yahtzee talks about how he'd prefer "Heavy Rain", he would have preferred for the plot twist of the killer's identity to change depending on the decisions you made, much like Silent Hill 2 and Silent Hill: Silent Memories, whose endings changed on subtle actions that implied a different mindset like running around with frequently low health making it more likely to get the suicide ending and such.]] He's very fond of getting the gameplay to interact with and work with the story, changing and painting in the context. | ||
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+ | I think I may have complained before about seeing this sort of thing because a CYOA is about the choices you, the main character, makes, not the choices you make the other characters make like "The man gropes you" or "The man just stares at you". Here, I think it's different because it's not so much based on making other character's choices so much as the choice you make influencing the tone and direction the story takes before it's "fully-baked", so to speak. | ||
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+ | Like, if you choose "glare at the person at the door", the person will glare back or shoot some snide remark and the story will inform you that it's an old rival that usually tries to undermine you. If you choose "say hello in a friendly tone", they'd say hello back and shoot the shit with you, informing you that they're a casual acquittance. Another choice for signifying if they're a friend and another if they're a lover. | ||
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+ | Or, as he put it, "the idea was, you had to make 6 choices, and each choice branched the story. The player was given as little detail as possible at the start, and each choice of action they made added detail that altered the context of the events. For example, you started off in a hospital reception area, and the first choice was whether to sit down and wait or walk down the hall to explore further. Choosing to sit implied that the player character understood the hospital to be functional, and would lead to the stories involving visiting sick friends, seeing a doctor or identifying a corpse. Choosing to explore implied that the player character was more confused about their situation, which led to stories in which the hospital was abandoned or closed, and you were there for various illicit reasons." | ||
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+ | It's an interesting idea for how to experiment with CYOAs while still making the reader's choices the center of the piece and I'm pretty sure I saw something like that here, one choice going for a romantic tone, one for a dangerous "you were just kidnapped" tone. | ||
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+ | ...By the way, your shower is fixed, right? I remember you talking about how unsexy and rude the fixers were, not like the fixers in porn. | ||
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+ | --[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 01:21 (Central Time), 03 December 2021 | ||
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+ | I'll admit...some of these things also turn my stomach. I once stumbled onto a page in "The Devil's Daughter" and found a scene where "garden slaves" have to lick a woman's ass clean and it described how there was wet shit still in her ass and... | ||
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+ | I tapped out. I could not even try. I can stomach tons and tons of poorly-written smut but going into gross-out territory like this isn't worth the effort. | ||
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+ | Sorry to hear that you don't come by anymore but go ahead, you do you. Would it be too much to ask which Discord your writings are put on? | ||
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+ | I actually do find that way of writing Yahtzee described interesting enough to try one day. But, yanno, if ain't today... | ||
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+ | That said, if I wanted to get your opinions on something I wrote here, would you still be willing to take a look? | ||
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+ | --[[User:Fredhot16|Fredhot16]] 01:21 (Central Time), 08 December 2021 | ||
+ | |||
+ | == Enier == | ||
TQ for the tips. | TQ for the tips. |
Current revision as of 00:19, 9 December 2021
Copying Platypus and creating archives! But please, don't leave me messages on my archive pages. Leave them here...
Leave me a message. Naughty, nice, happy, sad, I love talking to people so want to hear from you!
Contents |
Darth Malcolm
We don't know each other. But I appreciate you, and I thought you should know.
--Darth Malcolm 02:09, 3 December 2021 (UTC)
Teejay
Epitaph for a gunslinger:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four shots from a .44
No Les, no more.
-- Teejay
I've seen the all the problems begin with MEN on a T-shirt. I've been tempted to get it for my GF.
The Lester Moore epitaph is very famous. I'm surprised you've never seen it before.
That poem sounds like it was written by a guilt free Catholic school girl. :)
-- Teejay
A judge was doing arraignments, and the prisoners were in the holding cell of the courthouse, being called forward one by one. Four men were left in the cell when the judge looked at his next case:
State of California vs. Steven Lewon Crook
"Crook!" said the judge. "Step forward!"
All four men stepped out of the holding cell.
-- Teejay
You did a good job with it. As far as I can tell from years of practice, good oral sex when a man goes down on a woman involves being gentle, tonguing her clit, rubbing it while you slip your tongue inside her, and basically following her body's cues until she gushes on your face (and then doing it again and again.)
-- Teejay
I judge Teddy to be about 13. He'll lose interest eventually, probably sooner rather than later.
Headline spotted recently: MILF BRACES FOR FAP OFFENSIVE
My reaction: "Whiskey... Tango... Foxtrot?"
-- Teejay
Maybe they are. When I'm alone in the apartment I'll walk around in my underwear, so maybe they just don't think about it.
-- Teejay
After what happened, no terrorist will come near any of her other concerts. You know security will be ridiculously tight. Definitely go if you want to. -- Teejay
A psychiatrist and a proctologist share an office building. They put up a sign on the front: THE DEPARTMENT OF ODDS AND ENDS. -- Teejay
Your English isn't getting worse. What you're describing doesn't have a formal name.
More... h'mmm. Climb and boink, where she climbs a tree and the guys have to climb up to her and boink her. -- Teejay
In a single day, Samson slew a thousand Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Every day, thousands of sales are killed with the same weapon. -- Teejay
Even for me, a very fast reader, that took a good chunk of time to read. You're an excellent writer and it's very well written. -- Teejay
I'm quite honored. :) -- Teejay
That's very understandable. I do the same thing with the stories I write for Literotica. It's a way of expressing myself and doing things I can't do IRL. -- Teejay
When the Angles (with the Saxons) invaded England, they settled in what became known as the Land Debatable, namely the north of England and the south of Scotland. The acute Angles went north and the obtuse ones south. -- Teejay
Very awesome band. -- Teejay
We all have hidden desires. That's one of yours. It doesn't surprise me. Hope you're doing well. -- Teejay
I'm glad you got to show off and didn't get in trouble. And you are quite attractive, especially to people who, unlike me, don't prefer women who are as wide as they are tall.
I kind of froze up on the scooter thing. Sorry. I should have handled it better.
Glad to hear that you and your husband still lust each other, in addition to loving each other. Enjoy! -- Teejay
When you used the phrase "get off my chest," it brought to mind an old Dilbert.
Dogbert: "This is the thief who took the decoy lunch...which we laced with synthetic female hormones!"
Wally: "You can't prove anything!"
Dogbert: "Is there something you'd like to get off your chest?" -- Teejay
That works. :) -- Teejay
Believe me, I understand the frustration. The (late) mother of my children and I had a spectacular love life until our first child was born. After that, it was impossible, nearly, to find time. When we did, she clearly released a lot of pent up energy. I hope you find some (safe) way of releasing yours. -- Teejay
A Republican politician is giving a speech at a large public auditorium and making all sorts of promises everyone knows are a bunch of hot air. A heckler stands up and bellows, "All that will happen when pigs fly!"
The Republican beckons the heckler onto the stage. Thrusting the microphone under the heckler's nose, he says, "Let me guess. You're a liberal."
The heckler replies with, "My grandfather was a Democrat, my father was a Democrat, and I am and always will be a Democrat."
The Republican, unfazed, responds smoothly with, "Suppose your grandfather had been a jackass and your father had been a jackass. What would that make you?"
Without missing a beat, the heckler booms, "A Republican!"
-- Teejay
Comment from an Internet comment thread:
When the deer have guns too, then and only then will hunting be considered an actual sport. -- Teejay
Those were awesome. And a little too close to my reality to make me laugh. I actually had the conversation in #14 with both my (now passed) wives. And knowing that words don't work in that situation, I ended up going down on them and after they were cummed out, sticking my head up and saying, "Did that answer your question?" -- Teejay
A classic from the Golden Age. Back when those kind of movies had actual plot. Watched both it and the original Taboo in the same week... about 22 years ago. I recommend it. -- Teejay
Technically, you'd have to ask Platypus, he's the one who created the "base" characters for SSR, but I'm on the assumption that it's no coincidence the slut neighbor is named "Debbie".
P.S. I turn 44 in October. From the information publicly available already, that I'm old enough to to have two kids one of whom is a teenager, you probably could have guessed pretty close to the correct answer. And if I watched those movies 22 years ago, well you have to be at least 18 to watch them so that would in and of itself imply at least 40. -- Teejay
They were younger children when I wrote that intro, back about 6 years ago when I first found this site :) -- Teejay
It's well written. I don't want to think about it too much because that kind of thing, even though it's only fantasy, still turns my stomach a bit. -- Teejay
Man in doctor's office: "My name is Daniel Nathan Reed. I don't initial anything." :) -- Teejay
From the late George Carlin:
Hospitals often name a new facility after the person who makes the major donation. I grew up with a neighborhood guy who is now extremely wealthy, and I'm hoping someday he'll make a big donation. I just want to drive past the hospital and see the No-Balls Malone Cancer Pavilion. -- Teejay
Can you guess what book I'm reading just from the chapter titles? :)
The Tomahawk * Good Samaritan * Earthport * The Astrogators' Guild * "...Your Money And My Know-How..." * "Spaceman" Jones * Eldreth * Three Ways To Get Ahead * Chartsman Jones * Garson's Planet * "Through The Cargo Hatch" * Halcyon * Transition * Anywhere * "This Isn't A Picnic" * "-- Over A Hundred Years --" * Charity * Civilization * A Friend In Need * "-- A Ship Is Not Just Steel --" * The Captain Of The Asgard * The Tomahawk
(Yep, the first and last chapters have the same title.) -- Teejay
Finished Starman Jones and now I'm reading an even older book, one published over 100 years ago. -- Teejay
A census worker was going house to house collecting information, and knocks on the door of an apartment. The only resident is a 25-year-old woman. After explaining why he's there, he starts to record the information. They get to the line for Occupation, and she says, "Hooker."
"I can't put that."
"Then put prostitute."
"That's not a legal occupation. I can't put that!"
"Okay, put down chicken farmer."
"Chicken farmer?"
"Yeah. Last year I raised 1,000 cocks."
-- Teejay
I know nothing about the Fallout world. But I was able to piece together enough to make the story sensible. And as always, your talent for writing shines through. -- Teejay
Also, I noticed there are still some redlinks on The Exhibitionist. Did you plan to fill those? -- Teejay
In England, there is a charitable group called the Women's Association that operates nationwide. The local branches are named for the localities (London Women's Association, Nottingham Women's Association, Sheffield Women's Association, &c.)
When the group opened a branch in the village of Ugley, the local branch -- with good reason -- did not want to be the Ugley Women's Association. So they changed their name to the Women's Association (Ugley Division.) -- Teejay
When asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence, Dorothy Parker instantly replied, "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." -- Teejay
What movie did I just watch?
"I'm here to deliver a message from Mr. Lacombe." "Just you?" "I don't see anyone else around. Mr. Lacombe said to tell you... camel jockeys... that if you fuck with him, he's gonna cut off your balls and stick 'em up your ass. [samples food on table] You guys eat this shit?" "You are a dead man." "I'm not afraid to die... are you?" "No... Allah protects us." "Well, then... [smashes other guy's face into table] this shouldn't hurt!" -- Teejay
The movie is the 1991 film "The Hitman", starring Michael Parks, Al Waxman, Alberta Watson and Ken Pogue. -- Teejay
A biology teacher in an all girls high school decides to see if the pupils have studied the day's lesson.
"Kate, what part of the human body, when stimulated properly, expands to six times it's normal size?"
Kate blushes and stammers, "That's.... inappropriate to ask."
"Jill, what part of the human body, when stimulated properly, expands to six times its normal size?"
"The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct. Kate, three things. One, you didn't study. Two, you have a dirty mind. Three, you're going to be very disappointed."
-- Teejay
Sorry you're feeling ill. Hope you and your son recover quickly. -- Teejay
Those were good.
A brilliant young student at Trinity / Computed the cube of infinity / But the number of digits / Gave him the fidgets / He chucked math and took up divinity.
Connors said "Bet that I'll beat ya"/ To the odd-shaped mechanical creature / But it won in straight sets / And then quipped at the net / "Bjorn Cyborg's the name. Glad to meet ya."
A robot with lofty inflection / Read Stein in the poetry section / But read it "Arose / Is arose is arose" / And thought it concerned resurrection.
An epicure dining at Crewe / Found a rather large mouse in his stew / Cried the waiter, "Don't shout / And wave it about / Or the rest will be wanting one too."
-- Teejay
There once was a cook from New York / Who claimed you should always stew pork / He says he once tried / To eat some of it fried / And found he would rather chew cork.
-- Teejay
That was a good one. :) -- Teejay
A wonderful passage from the book I'm reading (and I'm wondering if you know the book...)
"When we looked to the south from this depot we saw no clouds; there was nothing but hard clear sky. The sky gave no indication of the blizzard winds that were to assail us when we reached the plateau, and after we had gone as far south as we could and retraced our footsteps to the depot, we looked back and saw the same clear sky, with a few wisps of fleecy cloud in it. We had no doubt that below those clouds the pitiless gale was still raging across the great frozen plain..."
-- Teejay
Very sorry about your cousin.
I'm glad you've found some books you like. Reading is one of life's great pleasures.
-- Teejay
You will not be punished, as you did not intentionally do anything wrong and you were honest. These things do sometimes happen. You are not in trouble.
(Hugs you tightly and gently runs my hand through your hair comfortingly)
-- Teejay
Maybe try going out with the blouse *almost* all the way unbuttoned?
I wish you lived closer. I would love for your family and mine to be real-life friends.
-- Teejay
Still not in trouble. You need comfort, not anger, right now.
(gently cradles you against my chest like a parent cradles a baby, to relax you and make you feel less stressed)
-- Teejay
I know all about real ones. Did I ever mention that my (late) father used to be a construction worker? And I'm glad you got out and managed to get some of your pent-up desire released.
-- Teejay
Freezing in place (normally in shock) is a fairly normal reaction when something like that happens... also, if it's crowded, there may not be a lot of room to move.
If "he" had instead been "she" doing the touching, how would you have reacted?
-- Teejay
If you lived close by, I'm sure I could talk my girlfriend into gently giving your rear the occasional grope. :)
-- Teejay
I'm 100% certain it's the look the cop gives everyone. It's designed to make anyone thinking about executing a crime reconsider their life choices. All cops have it and they all walk around using it. He wasn't singling you out.
Source: I used to work with cops, and my sister-in-law is married to a cop.
Your outfits are fine.
-- Teejay
I'm glad you went out and had some fun. And if the neighbors get freaked out because of what you're doing inside your own house, that's their issue.
-- Teejay
Found a great passage in a book I'm reading, and want to share.
To man has been given the grief, often, of seeing his gods overthrown and his altars crumbling; but to the wolf and the wild dog that have come in to crouch at man’s feet, this grief has never come. Unlike man, whose gods are of the unseen and the overguessed, vapors and mists of fancy eluding the garmenture of reality, wandering wraiths of desired goodness and power, intangible outcroppings of self into the realm of spirit - unlike man, the wolf and the wild dog that have come in to the fire find their gods in the living flesh, solid to the touch, occupying the earthspace and requiring time for the accomplishment of their ends and their existence. No effort of faith is necessary to believe in such a god; no effort of will can possibly induce disbelief in such a god. There is no getting away from it. There it stands, on its two hind legs, club in hand, immensely potential, passionate and wrathful and loving, god and mystery and power of all wrapped up and around by flesh that bleeds when it is torn and that is good to eat like any flesh.
-- Teejay
Ooof. Very sorry about your shower door. That sounds awful.
It's your kitchen, you can dress however you like. I often go into mine not fully dressed, either, to do things.
Glad you got a chance to spend some time with friends. A bikini in a swimming pool, that's not a big deal.
Toying yourself while the workers are there might be pushing it. Now if you were to happen to be asleep when they arrived, it's not your fault you sleep naked and you kicked off the covers because summer is approaching and it's getting hot.
-- Teejay
Care to hazard a guess what book I'm reading?
The loss of Iceland was a disaster whose dimensions were only now becoming apparent. The Soviet bombers had a clear lane to reach into the trade route. Their submarines were racing through the Denmark Strait even as the NATO navies were trying to position their submarines to re-form the barrier they had lost -- the barrier upon which the convoys depended. The Air Force and Navy would soon try to rearrange fighter coverage to harass the Backfires, but those measures were all stopgaps. Until Iceland was fully neutralized, or better yet re-taken, the Third Battle of the North Atlantic hung in an uneven balance.
-- Teejay
If you do come to the US, I hope you end up out here. I live in an area that's safe enough that I can let my 13-year-old son go biking on his own for 2-3 hours. My apartment complex has many families with kids, so you would have other parents around and your son would have potential friends right there.
And yes, that quote was from Red Storm Rising.
-- Teejay
Sorry the guy turned out to be such a jerk. Well, there will be other opportunities.
-- Teejay
What am I about to start re-reading? Chapters in order: The Idea -- Preparation -- The Start -- Chumbi -- Tibet -- The Approach to Everest -- The Way Discovered -- The North Col -- Preparing Again -- The Second Start --The Attack -- The Oxygen Attempt -- An Avalanche -- High-Altitude Life -- The Chief Result -- The Use of Oxygen -- Other Conclusions -- The Third Expedition -- Darjeeling to Rongbuk -- Up the Glacier -- Disaster Retrieved -- The Rescue -- The Assault -- The Climax -- Mallory and Irvine -- Odell -- The Great Enigma -- Honor -- The Doomed Mountain
-- Teejay
Difference Between Heaven and Hell
In Heaven, cops are Swiss, chefs Italian, lovers French, and things are done with British courtesy and German efficiency.
In Hell, there's just a few small changes... cops are German, chefs British, lovers Swiss, and things are done with French courtesy and Italian efficiency.
-- Teejay
I'm glad you're all right. I've missed you, but I figure you've got a life to live and can't be on a website all the time.
And no, I don't use discord.
-- Teejay
If you'd like to let me know the "other places" you're working on your stuff, I would not object. *grin*
-- Teejay
Fredhot16
What I was pissed off about? Eh, just the same old smutty crap on this website. I still find it contemptible but...I really can't muster any energy to gripe in the discussions. I just...there's just so much. So much crap and all my edits...I can't change a damn thing because I don't want to change it, I want to burn it to the ground and start again. That's my problem, the premises of these things.
So. How have you been?
P.S Did you write "Nudisma Terena"?---Fredhot16 18:31 (Louisiana Time), 19 May 2017
Mind if I make a few suggestions for this whole "boinking" thing? (Also, why "boink"? Why'd you choose that as a word?)
1. Truth and Boink?
2. Freeze Boink?
3. Simon Says: Boink Edition?
4. Boink Poker?
Just spitballing.
P.S Is this story a real story for you or just part of your rants? And, yes, I get the joke.--Fredhot16 17:48 (Louisiana Time), 9 June 2017
How do you think a "sexual horror" story would go?--Fredhot16 12:41 (Louisiana Time), 12 June 2017
That was one of my first thoughts: rape. But I was wondering if there are more ways to show "sexual horror" then that, more dimensions. Something more...subtle.
Why these thoughts? Well, I'm just taking genres and mixing them together, seeing what comes out.
P.S Can you help me with some category help? I'm trying to do multiple categories for my "Dungeons and Dragons" review like this:
The Review- Adult Stories| Dungeons and Dragons| Female Elf Paladin Review. --Fredhot16 12:31 (Louisiana Time), 13 June 2017
You know what? Go ahead, rewrite the scene with the spirit you described, just have her SHOW it! Have her SHOW a fucking emotion! Have some actual dialogue! I'm not asking for a total change, I'm asking for this page to actually look like a fucking book! "Present the page better" is all I'm asking. And "make it less skeevy", if that's possible.
And, for the love of god, DESCRIBE THINGS! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, DESCRIBE EVERYTHING! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS, JUST DESCRIBE IT SO PEOPLE CAN HAVE A CLEAR IDEA OF WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE READING! Hell, I give you permission to describe the protagonist's breasts, just give the reader SOMETHING!
Oh, and you can just ignore the whole "half-elf" thing. I don't expect you to know about them and for this instance, you don't need to. --Fredhot16 9:42 (Louisiana Time), 15 June 2017
The groping and pawing happened at the clothing shop, erm, tent.
Also, yes, I know the rest of the story makes no sense. You know my pain. --Fredhot16 17:52 (Louisiana Time), 19 June 2017
...You have automatically lost all respect from me with those lyrics.--Fredhot16 11:13 (Louisiana Time), 19 July 2017
Erm, sorry. I've been sorta busy and I kinda forgot about it. I'll try to give you my proper opinion soon but I can't do it right now because I slept pretty late last night, about 3 A.M. Going to say one thing: your page was a major fucking improvement over the last one. There was actual dialogue for fuck's sake!
You know, there's something weird about the stories on that CYOS. I don't think a lot of it was made by people who were thinking "Forgotten Realms" when they made it. It feels like generic D&D stuff with some vanilla D&D info thrown in. The mentions of Pelor, for one thing. While Pelor, the god of the Sun, is a D&D god, he's not a Forgotten Realms god. The closest there may be to Pelor is Lathander, the Morninglord, the God of spring, dawn, etc.
Edit: Huh. There's actually a table in Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting handbook that tells you which D&D deities to convert to Forgotten Realms deities. Pelor, for example, can be switched with Lathander, Ilmater, the Broken God, or Torm, the Loyal Fury.
-Fredhot16 21:27 (Louisiana Time), 13 August 2017
If you aren't busy, perhaps you could do the red links for this page: D&D: FHR: The cloaked merchant : "Let's see how far you are willing to go...."
Try it like you did for the bard page.--Fredhot16 14:12 (Louisiana Time), 14 August 2017
Going to stay away from this site for some time. Planning on sitting down and reading the handbooks for Forgotten Realms. There's a lot of interesting lore and story ideas in this stuff. And it's all on the internet, free to download! Oh, and to answer your question:
A. For D&D: Well, she can't really do it because she only has a part of the whole map right now. She needs all of them. And there's the guards behind him. Also, that creep doesn't own the shop. I think the shop owner went home for the night or something.
To be honest, I was thinking of something like that. You know, the protag somehow getting it away from the creep without putting out any more "goods". The best bet would be to get him alone and then...you know.
B. "Don't have sex!" Are you sure you weren't inspired by the manga "My Balls" where a man has to not ejaculate for a whole month to save the world? Yes, this is real. I am NOT kidding. Also, go ahead. That will be a breath of fresh air.
C. Go wild.--Fredhot16 00:18 (Louisiana Time), 15 August 2017
No. I'm not really back.
I'll be blunt: I came here a couple of years ago in 2012 because I was enamored with Choose Your Own Adventures and I thought I could practice my writing here.
However, I stopped going back here a year ago because of one question: what is the point of practicing writing here if nobody will read it or give their opinions?
Not only are there few regulars here but considering the absolute plethora of smut here, what chance is there for anybody to read anything I've crafted or even give their opinion? Practice is worthless if nobody will point to the problems in your writing.
I might contribute to random Choose Your Own Adventures if I'm bored or tempted to go back to old habits of editing on here but I don't think I'll be writing anything of my own here.
If anybody wants to talk to me, though, I'll be here for that and respond.
Heck, if you want me to look at your work for suggestions or any editing ideas, I'm always up for that.
Edit: Also, there's a Choose Your Own Adventure called "Katarina's Adventures" whose original writer seems to have disappeared so maybe you could take a look and see if you can do anything with it?
So. This is awkward and not just because it's been (checks last communication) holy shit, half a decade? Anyway, yeah, it's been a long time since we've talked.
Am I actually back this time? For the foreseeable future, yes. I do have a collaboration I want to contribute to here and that old Dungeons and Dragons CYOA to fill in with my own idea for an adventure, not just bitterly edit it. Yeah, I really was contemptuous, wasn't I?
I actually came back today to talk about a way I don't know if you're familiar with Yahtzee, a certain vulgar but hilarious reviewer on The Escapist, but he actually has longer, more drawn-out reviews called "Extra Punctuation". In one of his articles, Yahtzee talks about how he'd prefer "Heavy Rain", he would have preferred for the plot twist of the killer's identity to change depending on the decisions you made, much like Silent Hill 2 and Silent Hill: Silent Memories, whose endings changed on subtle actions that implied a different mindset like running around with frequently low health making it more likely to get the suicide ending and such.]] He's very fond of getting the gameplay to interact with and work with the story, changing and painting in the context.
I think I may have complained before about seeing this sort of thing because a CYOA is about the choices you, the main character, makes, not the choices you make the other characters make like "The man gropes you" or "The man just stares at you". Here, I think it's different because it's not so much based on making other character's choices so much as the choice you make influencing the tone and direction the story takes before it's "fully-baked", so to speak.
Like, if you choose "glare at the person at the door", the person will glare back or shoot some snide remark and the story will inform you that it's an old rival that usually tries to undermine you. If you choose "say hello in a friendly tone", they'd say hello back and shoot the shit with you, informing you that they're a casual acquittance. Another choice for signifying if they're a friend and another if they're a lover.
Or, as he put it, "the idea was, you had to make 6 choices, and each choice branched the story. The player was given as little detail as possible at the start, and each choice of action they made added detail that altered the context of the events. For example, you started off in a hospital reception area, and the first choice was whether to sit down and wait or walk down the hall to explore further. Choosing to sit implied that the player character understood the hospital to be functional, and would lead to the stories involving visiting sick friends, seeing a doctor or identifying a corpse. Choosing to explore implied that the player character was more confused about their situation, which led to stories in which the hospital was abandoned or closed, and you were there for various illicit reasons."
It's an interesting idea for how to experiment with CYOAs while still making the reader's choices the center of the piece and I'm pretty sure I saw something like that here, one choice going for a romantic tone, one for a dangerous "you were just kidnapped" tone.
...By the way, your shower is fixed, right? I remember you talking about how unsexy and rude the fixers were, not like the fixers in porn.
--Fredhot16 01:21 (Central Time), 03 December 2021
I'll admit...some of these things also turn my stomach. I once stumbled onto a page in "The Devil's Daughter" and found a scene where "garden slaves" have to lick a woman's ass clean and it described how there was wet shit still in her ass and...
I tapped out. I could not even try. I can stomach tons and tons of poorly-written smut but going into gross-out territory like this isn't worth the effort.
Sorry to hear that you don't come by anymore but go ahead, you do you. Would it be too much to ask which Discord your writings are put on?
I actually do find that way of writing Yahtzee described interesting enough to try one day. But, yanno, if ain't today...
That said, if I wanted to get your opinions on something I wrote here, would you still be willing to take a look?
--Fredhot16 01:21 (Central Time), 08 December 2021
Enier
TQ for the tips.
Also, you do not need to have a template. That was put there so you know how to make one if you want. It is not required, and is not useful if your story isn't going to use it. If it is, well, you can replace the template, but they are hard to figure out. Let me know if you need help on it.Reply:
Remind me what a template is?
Can you do combination linking?
Help with the status bar! I need an explanation clearer than the tutorial!
I want something like the table in the tutorial, but blue. can u send me the code?
TQ. How do I make A Wiki?
Platypus
Thank you for your efforts thus far. I appreciate your help, and you have my sympathy for your loss of brain cells. At some point, when I'm feeling brave, I'll tackle what remains. Hot and Horny was most written by writers that I pushed away from Smutty Sex Romp and Rampage, and much of it is pretty cringe worthy.
"I'm about to pop an egg." There should be a collection of truly, awfully bad lines somewhere. That turkey deserves special recognition for sheer awfulness. --Platypus 12:42, 14 June 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for the heads up. And good job messing with the spammer's spammy spam! --Platypus 11:54, 9 August 2017 (UTC)
Wolfskin75
did this work? --Wolfskin75
I am thinking of a several character story... And like your too graphic. I wanted to incorporate pictures. Non that have copyright but to give the reader a idea of what i am visualizing. I am trying to find a way to pitch my ideas without it being public... But i dont use anom email so...yeah. I think however, i should work on figuring out the mechanics before i start writing. And i invite you to add to were you see fit. I like your stories. (i read some.) --
Wolfskin75
Well, my idea goes like this. I want to write a two prong story: about a neighborhood of deviants that a Mom and her daughter move into. They are fresh from a divorce from a wealthy guy so he buys them a House in this neighborhood. I want to Mom to become some Wife's pet (romance themed but lots of kink Dom/sub exploring fetishes... mostly my own) the choices will be who you sub too. Whether it be a loving woman or a cruel pain master. and at the same time her daughter (totally cute emo girl) will become a Dom to one of the daughters of the town. Of course they will be men in it.. but only as a side story.. (men have no place in my fantasy world) Of course.... this is basically how the neighborhood works... they were moved there on purpose. I love reading stories where two girls find a comfortable love full of their kinks . yes... no? any tips or whatever would be nice.
Okay, I have corrected some things. I apologize for some misunderstandings. I guess I am looking for more of a mentor? someone to bounce ideas off of. None of the ideas I have are set in stone and I am still trying to even figure out how to get started. I am just more looking for some sort of communication and would like someone to collaborate with eventually. I am new here and I am just testing the waters. To see what is up.
Thank you. I am currently working on adding things to "Mom can be bad". I am going to try and class up the story a bit and learn the formatting. I have a lot to think about. You're right, some of the stories are down right stupid. you're also right and that I am more about the innocence rather than the age.. Let me digest what you wrote, it was all good .. and I very glad for your time. thank you again.
You said a couple things that I can relate. The reason I want to write this story is that, I just to chat with a bunch of real life little's. It was SOOOO great and they where all so full of life and happiness. Of course things got drama filled at times but It was something I could "feel". I wanted to be a protector. Not someone who would punish and then After care.. but ALL After care. and since I am married so I fantasize ... ALOT. but Like I said, it's not normal, (like most things I am involved in) for instance... I read rampage. and EVERY Ending I got to was a happily ever after ending. I think that say a lot of about my mind where I want to go with this story of mind. The strong protecting the weak. Someone protecting those who would be prey and letting them live in happiness. Of course there is sex and kinkiness but it's the best of all environments. safety and trust. this is more where I want my stories to go. Like I said. I am going to press on with adding to "Mom can be bad" not only warming up my writing skills and figuring out the format (like if you make one choice it effects the rest of the story sort of thing) and See what I can do. I am dealing with Lisa, 40 married and Tera 50 divorced. ( is there some sort of forum for these type of formatting questions?)
I am trying to add a page a day and see what happens. I have already ended my first thread. :)
nice, can I use that?
Very nice. I am loving making these little snippets. Even though i fantasize about it, I am not sure if i got the feeling right. Since i am not female all i have to go on is other writings and since i don't have a book length to write and develop these feelings. I don't know what its like for a straight "married" woman to get picked up at a bar by another and go with it. I will use your snippets. But i invite you to add the story. :) I am also having fun making most of the men villians.
Again. Thank you. I have a lot of editing to do amd make it all says in line. Thank you thank you. To know you are reading what i am writing...yay. I need to become a stronger writer. I am actually having some issues. 1. How do you slog through the middle stuff? I am having troubles feeling overwhelmed with stuff that has to hhappen to make the story ...er semi good rather than just the dirty parts. Do i make sense?
For instance, I was thinking about making it back to the house. I have several story points where things need to happen before the Preg story gets to the house. I add some sex parts, things in fact I would love to do. What I am having trouble with is trying to get the notion that She might not be totally okay with this and that when she gets to house she is like "what the fuck am I doing." or maybe have that moment in the car.
I really need to spend some time really trying to catch up on things.
Not every woman has DD or 38g breast, not every woman shaves ( and thank god for that.) all the woman in my stories don't have huge boobs. I fantasize about smaller breast and I am not afraid to write about pubic hair.
I am trying to get more from you... To hopefully get you to boil over into a story. :) whatever you want to tell me...please be sure i am "listening". ;).
Also i have been busy lately so i haven't had much time to respond.
I love the way you write. You include little things.. little things are always the important things right. and yes.. both of those things were great! I am going on vacation for a week. I will be back though. Hopefully I will some updated work for you
I have wrote alot ... Cant wait to post it. How have you been?
I would ask you a favor. I love what you wrote by the way... Totally totally enjoyed it. *wink* again and again...
I need you to write a lesbian sex scene between Tera and Beth. I am adding a scene...after the dancing scene she goes home drunk with Beth..could you write the sex...can be bleary and nebulous...but it would be amazing if you would...?
Will do. I will also read the links you sent. How would you like me to get that to you? Email or post it here? I will just living out a fantasy :)
Tera, 50 mother of two, I envision her being bi curious her whole life just stuck in a rut. Blond hair, dyed. To cover the grey.. Beth a mid 20's redhead in college. Loves older woman. And likes the older woman sort of a mother like girlfriend..Knows Tera ( knows her daughter and is someone's daughter that Tera will know. Tera is of the generation that doesnt shave..pubic hair i mean. Beth is smaller chested then Tera. Normal breast Tera's would slightly not perky.
Beth is the predator in this case...i want to have some regert in the morning but enough to force her hand in a choice. So far she has moved slowly but she has moved forward... Thats the direction i want to head. Plus... I havent posted the next post which will go in front of this...so you have a little time
I am trying not to make something typical.
I find myself wanting to add on to other stories... But alot of them have elements i dont like and really cant further the story the way i would like with the cast as it is. I could just go and rewrite the story...but i would rather contact the author and make the change.....sigh....or just make one of my own i guess.
back home and posting again. :) figured it all out.
Any details you can provide about that...I am more than happy to read...re read ..
Have my own activities..then re read again. I would like to know...especially the tying part...
I feel so lazy...i havent been writing..bad me..lol
I have a question. Do you understand my writing? Like if you had to critque it. What would be a couple of good things i could work on?
Wolfskin75 23:55, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
I added two or three more pages last night. I really need have a edit day. If I could crave out a day to JUST EDIT that would be great. *sigh*
Wolfskin75 14:35, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
Wanted to touch base. How are you doing?
Wolfskin75 20:10, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you..its awesome. It was perfect and I..thank you for your time. Family def comes first
Wolfskin75 14:31, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
I have a question for you? it's kind of private. how can I ask you?
Wolfskin75 00:23, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
I have been really tired lately, I plan to work on this weekend. I am not giving up. Life has just gotten busy, I still love the writing and I still crave the interaction. Thank you for your time and effort. I look really good, and I will get my head screwed on right promise.
Wolfskin75 15:23, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
I was finally able to read it. I am changing it all to first person. since I think, that how I wrote the rest of the story? I wasn't sure so I have copies of both just in case. I will be working on the rest of it and that's what I want to buzz you about. I think it would be easier. to use discord for our edits? and I wanted to buzz you my Discord info. As you can leave something there for days and I can see it there when every I log on. I was just thinking about it. Plus we maintain our safety and secure. :) HIGHLY HIGHLY sexy stuff!!! thank you.
Wolfskin75 07:25, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
So far it's golden. I find myself really enjoying the foreplay as I usually do in real life. As a kid in middle school I taught myself through many a bad movie to listen to a woman's body and learn how to please her without "intercourse". I LOVE FOREPLAY. and if that doesn't sound true or read true, there is no point finish the chapter. Anyway I think what you wrote actually feels real rather than what you said to the notes where the they get together and he whips his cock out stuffs it in.. and she lOVES IT! and have five orgasm. THEN, everyone thinks it's a great scene but nothing happened.
Furthermore, one of the parts I find very disrespectful is that they're always written where the women is satisfied beyond the shadow of a doubt, multiple orgasm and after one time having sex, she goes from Virgin she goes to ultra slut. It's just stupid!!! In this story, I wanted to communicate softness and the importance of trust and the sexiness of vulnerability and how that plays into arousal.
as for this conversation. I would say without a DOUBT... I look forward to our interactions and AND I don't know why I hold as much as I do. but... that's a deeper discussion.
Wolfskin75 12:52, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
What do you need from me? I am feeling like I have slacked off.. TOTALLY hot scene by the way... :P
What do you use to keep track of the story? I am starting to see the limitations of your basic document editor. I losing my place pretty easily. :(
Wolfskin75 21:42, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Did you add something? I couldnt make up what was updated?
Wolfskin75 21:17, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Out of the three moms can be bad stories i started. Two of them end up in the same kink. Which is good but i dont want to just write the same thing. Yes i am interested in that kink and those types if relationships but... You have to be anle to expand lol. I am trying to write it from all sides. But i feel like I enjoy writing it why not...but also since I am learning....i am having a bad day and writing porn and reading your hot writing makes me happy.
Wolfskin75 23:15, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
I finally found a shit load of notes you have been leaving. I have starting up stories and just letting it go on. I would have loved to competed in that competition!!! I would have written some awesome stuff. Cream worthy if I do say. Use to take the train to work everyday.. so I had a lot of time to think about this particular thing.
What is my style? I am would have to say I am trained beginner and that my style is "evolving" I am not giving up and I will read all that you have left for me. PROMISE. I am going on vacation again so I hope to have some good pages come of this vacation. I just don't want to be a one trick pony you know.
Wolfskin75 06:34, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for that. I am going to use it but I had to create my own account and I would have to invite you to work with me. SOOOO if you want to find out who I am really am.. cause I don't have fake email addresses.... Let me know. :) I would be more than happy to invite you onboard. :)
Wolfskin75 07:19, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
I have gotten the thingy up. I will write some more and invite when i get back form vacation. But a couple of beers and a couple hours to write do wonders?
Wolfskin75 23:24, 27 July 2017 (UTC)
I invited you. I am reading your blog. and I want to work with you on "Maso me" whenever you think I can fit. :) anyway, I will have more soon.
Wolfskin75 22:16, 29 July 2017 (UTC)
Okay.. I am going to have to make pages for us. (actually makes me happy) so we can keep better track of our various creative projects. I will have to figure how to do that and then we can add to those.
Wolfskin75 00:20, 30 July 2017 (UTC)
did you get the invite?
Wolfskin75 16:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)
Let me work on that. no idea why. I am going back through and editing. I was reading through maso me. I loved the part where they were using her in class. HOT!
Wolfskin75 04:40, 1 August 2017 (UTC)
I did figure out how to get you full access. Try it and let me know.
Wolfskin75 04:58, 1 August 2017 (UTC)
Okay. I wanted to right something about a like humiliation type scene that is being filmed, something new for the person involved but not as horrifying as she thought. (i.e. the experience as being used as a sex guide in the "training" part.) I am not sure if that would fit into that story. or even if you wanted it to be in it at all. just was really excited by the training part was all. doing things in front of people you don't know or do know. wanted to add that in. I would add that in to one of the chapters of my story as well. It was hot
Wolfskin75 15:45, 2 August 2017 (UTC)
So, I started my own story.. YAY. I will work on Lisa's story tonight (or this weekend at least) I added the beginning of the sex scenes with Tera and Beth and introduced a new character or at least named her. (Tera's friend Marla.) Anything else you would like me to do or help you with?
Wolfskin75 18:44, 4 August 2017 (UTC)
I like it. you are a really good writer and story teller. I like the way you make the story come together. I am trying to work on my story telling abilities or at least communicating them in written form. I have had writers block as of late. I have plenty of "ideas" but seemingly no time and not a lot motivation. I have been reading a bit lately, and really thinking about what kind of stories I want to tell. It's good and I am really I guess picking out a lot of the crap that I don't want in my stories that traditionally make it into porn. Love your writing, and I love reading. It's some of the most erotic writing I have read.
Wolfskin75 14:32, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
I have block. and I feel like I need to keep writing though. I want to stay productive. :( i am going to a convention next week maybe that will help me clear my head up. YAY.
Wolfskin75 15:30, 11 August 2017 (UTC)
I've been on the convention for a couple days. I have been trying to write a come up with something to write but not really pushing myself. Have you been?
Wolfskin75 12:17, 20 August 2017 (UTC)
I am back. SAME HERE!!! I have been needing a release. So I have been thinking of someone to write it out. nope... then I thought Stranger orgy. Which, seemed like a good idea. Until I realized I was a loser and could no way shape or form find one. My wife walked around the house this morning with just underwear. I want to so many things,even in front of the kids. didn't care. but...nothing. So, back to writing. Let's write something dirty ??? Stranger orgy story, two character plan to meet there not knowing what is going happen.
Wolfskin75 13:53, 22 August 2017 (UTC)
Alright, time for a rant. I am horny as all get out. Frustrated as hell. Nothing I do seems to help, it only slides me further this big swamp i am stuck in. I know kind of what I want. I have the ideas but I don't see a path to get there. But I know i don't have it all together and I have vauge ideas of what success looks like and I know a lot of time will be in the middle. Am I making sense? I enjoyed my time away at the convention but it seemed like i wasted a whole bunch of time... But it would have been only to stare at a blinking cursor on a screen. I read other erotica... It all sucks but at least they wrote it. I love yours. Specially the one with the girl who goes into the adult book store (have i mentioned that before) i am just stressed and feeling like i am wasting time. I dont want to get up in the morning... But i get up to check for your messages. Everything is crowding me in. I just am aimless. I read some stories about mind control. I find that cool...but all the stories seem to fall apart. Like they lose steam and rely on tropes. Bad ones. What would you do if you had mind control? I know I know for a fact I would use it to get people to admit stuff they are thinking but never say. Aaaaaarrrgghhh am I making sense?
Wolfskin75 14:32, 22 August 2017 (UTC)
YOu and I are in the same boat. Like, THE EXACT same boat.
Wolfskin75 06:20, 23 August 2017 (UTC)
So I am crawling out of skin. I have written a couple of pages here and there but not edited. I need to find a editor. I am going to go and make more sense of my outlines. I have let them go.
Wolfskin75 00:52, 27 August 2017 (UTC)
AAAARRRGGGGGHH. Okay. I have a new schedule to deal with now so I am dealing with that not so good. I would love to help you out on whatever you need help with. I have added anything in a couple days. but I am still thinking. :) How are you.
Wolfskin75 06:08, 31 August 2017 (UTC)
I hope you get better. I know how that can be. with kid's bringing home the sickness. do I have a story for you. LOL
Wolfskin75 14:55, 11 September 2017 (UTC)
Okay so, I have writing story on a forum (kind of like a back and forth.) and last night I wrote this part that literally broke the story. I was told, the other writer was in fact upset by the part so much that they couldn't bear to write any more. (and you are going to have to believe me on this.) I was really happy that I wrote something that caused an emotional impact. but now... since I am "not me" and this is something I would never share in public as me or anyone else. Which is fine but the point of the matter is, is that I have it in me. I lacking the basics to funnel it through. I am getting lessons on how to write better. (like organizational tips and grammar so on) but I sense that I am inspiring hope. :( I guess the point is that I have like something there. It's going to take a lot of work to dig to it. (make sense?)
Wolfskin75 22:25, 11 September 2017 (UTC)
Get better, I miss you.
Wolfskin75 06:21, 14 September 2017 (UTC)
Alison
If I delete the link in all family-friendly stories, will the story also be deleted?
What happened to all those stories on All Family-Friendly Stories? Why is there only 2?
Grazie
Thanks lol. This is my first story so I'm still getting the hang of all the coding and friends.