Changing Fission Mailed
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JOEL: Look, everyone knows auto mechanics tamper with the battery, so you have to go back to them in a week. {Cut to closeup of Joel.} But you can't do jack 'cause they're, you know, tied... {Cut to closeup of Phil.} to the... mafia. {A pause. Cut back to Joel and Phil} ...I know this fascinates you... you fascinator.
PHIL: Uh... you don't have a car.
{Cut to Joel, standing at an angle and pointing to himself, with a yellowy background.}
JOEL: I have a car! I bought it. A-and you can't drive it, {Cut back to Phil.} it's expensive and it's-and it's... European.
{Cut to outside, where Phil and Joel are looking down at a cardboard box.}
PHIL: Yeah... that's a box.
{Cut to Joel.}
JOEL: It is now thanks to my mechanic, Brad, whom I shall now call Brad the bad... guy.
{Zoom in on the box, which has a black puddle around it.}
PHIL: Uh, what's with the puddle?
JOEL: Uhhh... oh! He gave it a free oil change. {Cut to Phil.} Yeah, that's something they glorify to make you ignore the fine print, but I don't buy that.
PHIL: So... it's always been a cardboard box.
{Cut back to Joel.}
JOEL: Phil, it's a transformer. It becomes a hover jet, and we're gonna go find the mini-cons, and...uh, you're not invited.
{Cut to Phil and Joel.}
PAST PHIL: Oh...
{Future Phil falls from the sky, screaming.}
FUTURE PHIL: Stop! Pause everything!
JOEL: Who are you?
FUTURE PHIL: I'm Phil of the future! I mean... Phil from the future!
PAST PHIL: You're me?
FUTURE PHIL: Yes. Now, I bring you all... the future of Bonus Stage.
JOEL: Like what?
FUTURE PHIL: Joel, in the future, you will build a robot named Rya Botkins.
JOEL: Crap. The surprised is ruined.
PAST PHIL: Why will she be built?
JOEL: CRAP! DON'T TELL HIM!
FUTURE PHIL: Rya will be created... to be your girlfriend.
PAST PHIL: Well... I already had bad luck with Candice... I guess I could give a robot girlfriend one more chance. I just don't want her to be evil.
JOEL: Crap.
FUTURE PHIL: Sadly... Rya will turn into a human, then die forever.
JOEL: What?! Why?!
PAST PHIL: I can't have that happen!
FUTURE PHIL: Well... if you ever see a cloaked figure in episode 79, kill him, and be sure to take his dagger away.
PAST PHIL: What else will happen in the future?
FUTURE PHIL: Well, Evil will be back.
PAST PHIL: You mean the villian from High Score?
FUTURE PHIL: Yes. Evil will kidnap me, and all of the other main characters, and some minor characters. Joel will fight Evil, and it will revealed to be McCloud, but soon we find out it was Malcolm, who will be another robot built to be a leader. After that, you will go to space for an entire season, then get stranded on Planet Hydrox, an underwater planet. You will all have to prevent all of this.
JOEL: Well, thank you!
FUTURE PHIL: You're welcome! Oh, and Phil, we're all in a simulated universe.
{Future Phil presses a button the time machine, and he swirls away.}
PAST PHIL: What... simu... lation?
JOEL: Err... nothing.
PHIL: You don't have a car.
JOEL: Shut up. I sold our house, by the way.
PHIL: YOU WHAT?!
JOEL: Nothing!
{Credits roll}
