Nathan Page

From Pirate Bitch

Revision as of 10:58, 3 September 2006

Nathan Page was also renowned for his re-enactments involving a painful memory, and Bertie the Bus, a joke that never wore thin. He is also the bassist and backing vocalist of the sex kittens of rock that are The Count And His Men. His exploits at Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders is the stuff of legend. See A Brief History of Nathan Page and Friends at CGSGLBT.

Nathan was an extra who appeared in the comedy show Warning: May Contain Nuts starring Jamie Tuffield, in which he played an unnamed pupil in the Mr. Wittiker sketches; fans of the show dubbed him "Fat Background Boy". He is found humourous because he is often seen picking his nose in shots. This, revealed producer Rob Paterson later, was not actually part of the script, and that Page had just decided to inspect his left nostril, possibly to check if there was food up there.

Page became infamous for his live performances, including one at the Academy Awards where his dress fell down exposing his bra as he collected an Oscar for Best Supported Actor.

Nathan Page has also been described as "Slightly like a mole" by Jamie Tuffield, the famous satirical documentarist, who almost made a film about Page but went to buy a hamburger instead.

Nathan Page attended Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders, before it was ruined, where he is remembered for his famous deeds and unforgettably fat nature. His two sons, Turner Page and Paige Page, attend the school in the present day, and were two of just fifteen survivors of the school's mini-apocolypse. They survived because they were in the Nathan Page-Block, a room for fatties named after their father.

In 1994, Nathan Page was seen to commit suicide live on Jamie's Big Eat, and was believed to be dead until recently. It turns out he just collapsed because he hadn't eaten for five minutes, and at that point, an audience member was shot dead. The gunshot was therefore mistakenly believed to have caused Page's collapse, the hamburger in his lifeless hand was easily mistaken for a gun, and the case was wrapped up. The dead audience member was believed to have died from laughter, and that case was closed too.

New evidence showed that Nathan Page is still alive, mostly the fact that his autobiography, "Me, and Bertie" was published last week. Also pictures surfaced of Nathan and Shewhomustnotbenamed, dated 2005, adding fuel to the fire that the legend lives.

After being spotted in several fast food outlets, it was confirmed that Nathan Page is alive. He had been living under various alias, such as Bertie, Mole, Tramp, Mamp, Trole, Harry Page, Jabba, Hippo, Pelican, Pelimippo, Knock, Bang, etc.

Nathan Page also starred unnoticed on Page 3 five times between 1997 and 2002.

Also, the Honey Monster in those cereal adverts by Garald S Kirk is now known to have been Nathan Page.

Nathan Page's left breast is called Lucy, and the right one is Rachel. He says his penis was called Peter, but is now covered by a Bertie the Bus, and is thus mistakenly called Bertie by anyone who sees it.

Nathan Page turned out to be Pervy Page, the Dawnie-huntin' pervert.

It has become clear that Nathan Page has reformed his obsession with Alice. In recent days, messages of a perverted nature have been sent. The incomplete message transcript was "I fantasize about you all the time... not since Ruth have I... imagine I'm having sex with you...". It is also a concern that Alice has been missing from her home for some time now, it is believe the deceased until recently Nathan has abducted her and is living in a cave with her somewhere in Lithuania.

However this proved to be false when Alice resurfaced in the Coop and Nathan came into light once more with the cabaret swingers The Count And His Men and is now adored by the many, with his pervy past forgotten, apart from the fact it appears in many of the bands hits. He recently took time away from the band to "get away from it all" and had an extended stay in Wales, where he rolled around in the grassy knoles and frolicked with the local elven maidens. He dismisses the sheep rumours with "Why the fuck would I do that?", a few people have died mentioning a certain time he might have got horny and done something he didn't want to before.

Bertie the Bus

Nathan Page on a bad day

Quotes