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From Create Your Own Story
You enlist in the Polish army. They send you off to basic training - which is an alleyway down the street, where you rough up some young punks who've been leaving dog shit on the Field Hetman's doorstep.
Before you know it, you're going off to war. Your duties are simple: Lieutenant Colesɫaw will sneak you and the other new recruits behind enemy lines to infiltrate the Muscovite camp, where you will flail around like morons to distract the enemy while the Lieutenant steals the Russian duct tape, which you will then use to repair the wheels on the tabors for the upcoming battle. Because you showed up sober, they even give you a big hammer!
You wander through the pastoral lowlands for a few days before coming to the Kremlin. It's not the right place, but the Lieutenant figures it might contain duct tape anyway. The guards are all passed-out drunk, so you hook up with the local cossacks and demolish the Kremlin to finally locate a shitload of duct tape in the rubble.
You just burned down a fucking castle!!
Uh-oh. While your team was scouring the wreckage for duct tape, the Muscovite army snuck up behind you.
They've invented and mass-produced tanks. Damn! You must have been wandering in the pastoral lowlands for longer than you thought.
Do you:
| Status | ||
| Health | Healthy | Equipment:
Pants, half bag of cabbages, big hammer, several rolls of duct tape |
| Property Damage Inflicted | $300,000,000 | |
| Blood | 12 pints | |
