The Adventures of Paco Chang

From Wikimacs

B5's skit in 2007. Won Best Skit. Dedicated to Brett Chung.

Jonathan Hale-Paco
Anthony Hwang-Paco's mom, Nirvana blanket holder
Alex Han-Doctor, Buddha, Makes popping sounds
Jonathan Kuo-Courtney
Jonathan Yao-Big Earl
Terry Siu-Student, Nirvana blanket holder, Tyrone, Bus Driver, Costume changer
Chris Lee-Voice of Mochi, Yells "Freeze!"
Chris Chin-Prof. Bootyworth
Phillip Chang-Demon mouse
Sean Huang- Student, Buddha dancer, Costume changer
Alvin Hwang, Kevin Hu-Buddha dancers

*Paco's mom on a chair, with Paco "hidden" underneath a bedsheet*
Doc- On the count of 3, push! 1…2…3!
Mom- UUUGGHHHH!!
*Pop! Paco appears*
Doc- Congratulations, it's a healthy baby girl!.....boy!
Paco- Hello, I am Paco (Random Mexican names) Chang, 15 years of age, half-Asian, half-Mexican. This is the story of my journey. It all started one day at school...

*At school with Paco, Courtney, and two other students*
Prof.- Hello, I am Professor Bootyworth, and welcome to magic class. To start off, you will be summoning something with a partner. Everyone find a partner.
*Paco and Courtney and left without a partner*
Prof.- Anyone not have a partner?
*Paco and Courtney raise their hands*
Prof.- Okay, so Paco, you'll partner with Courtney. By the way, Courtney is new here, so treat her well.
*They partner up*
Paco- Let's go to my house to work on our project!

*At Paco's house*
Paco- Okay, so...*does the DBZ Fusion Dance*...dong...xi....lai!
*Out come two mua ji's (Rubber spiky toys)*
Courtney- Oh! You did it Paco!! *Kiss*
*Cue blanket, Buddha, and Buddha dancers*
Paco- Buddha, is this Nirvana?
Buddha- Yes, you have reached Enlightenment, but you shouldn't be here: that was only a kiss you PANSY! *Pushes Paco down*
Paco- But wait! What is this feeling, like it's gonna burst out of me?
Buddha- Hmm...Must be the breakfast eggs.
*Buddha and dancers leave with blanket, Paco is shown lying down on floor*
Courtney- Paco! Paco! Are you okay?
Paco- I'm okay...What have we summoned?
Courtney- *Picks the mua ji up* Looks like a pair of mua ji...with eyeballs.
Mochi- Hello, pleased to meet you!
Paco- Whoa! They talk!
Mochi- We are mystical mua ji. I am Mochi, and the other is Moca. He doesn't talk. We are here to help you on your journey.
Courtney- I don't know about any journey...but we have to take you to school tomorrow. Bye Paco!
*Courtney leaves, Paco's mom arrives*
Mom- Nice girl...
Paco- Yeah...
Mom- WRONG ANSWER! You will study hard, and get into good college! Go to your room!

*School*
Prof.- Okay, let's see what you have summoned.
*Paco shows mua ji*
Prof.- Looks like a pair of...coconuts...no good, B plus
Paco- But wait! My mom is Asian! I can't get a B plus!!
*Prof. ignores and leaves*
Courtney- It's okay, you're only half-Asian! Besides...it's just a B plus
Paco- Yeah, you're right, I'll trust you.

*Paco's house*
Mom- So, how did project go? What grade you get?
Paco- A....minus...
Mom- *Surprised* My son lie to me!! What you really get?
Paco- *Sobbing* I...I...got a B plus!!!
Mom- No! Where have I gone wrong! Now you won't get into good college! You will live in basement like a bum! It must be that girl...I forbid you to go near her again!
Paco- But mom...her name's Courtney, and she's really *stops crying* Niiice....
Mom- Go to rice closet!
*A while later, Paco is sleeping in rice closet*
Mom- So, did you learn your lesson?
Paco- Oh, yea, I learned my lesson all right.
Mom- Where did all the rice go?!
Paco- What, I didn't do anything?
Mom- Thief!! I'm calling police!
*Big Earl arrives and cuffs Paco*
Paco- But wait! Mom!
Big Earl- Confucius say, you go to jail, Bad boy!

*At jail, Paco is thrown in cell, with cellmate Tyrone*
Tyrone- Hey dollface! I'm Tyrone! We're gonna have some fun!
Big Earl- Now you have a nice time together, oh and Paco, don't drop the soap!

*Elsewhere, Courtney is holding the mua ji*
Courtney- Oh no! We have to save Paco! But...I don't have any special skills, and my magic isn't that great...
Mochi- Ah yes, but you are an exceptionally fine young lady.
Courtney- Oh yes I am but...Ohh...I see what you mean...

*Back at jail, Courtney is standing near Big Earl*
Courtney- Hey sailor boy, wanna have some fun?
Big Earl- Oh yes...I could use a massage

*At cell*
Paco- Oh no! I dropped the soap!
*Tyrone does his stuff*

*Courtney massages as taught by Mayline*
Big Earl- Ah, your nails are digging into my back!
Mochi- ATTACK!!
*Mochi knock Big Earl unconcious, Courtney gets key and unlocks jail cell*
Paco- Courtney! How did you...
Courtney- Paco! We have to get out of here!
*Paco and Courtney escape jail, Tyrone sneaking out as well*

*Outside, Paco and Courtney have been walking for awhile*
Courtney- Oh, I'm starving!
Paco- Look! There's a CFC! Let's get some China Fried Chicken!
*They walk up to the counter*
Courtney- Hey we would like to order a bucket of chicken, and some fortune cookies, to go please.
*Meanwhile, Tyrone is "checking" out Paco*
Paco- Let's open that fortune cookie!
*Pop! Cue blanket, Buddha, and dancers*
Paco- Whoa! Buddha you came out of my fortune cookie! I need your help, can you tell me which direction to go?
Buddha- Two...*points to direction learned in Traditional Dance*
Paco- Um...it's definitely 11pm, but thanks for the directions!
*Buddha and dancers exit, Paco is staring into sky*
Courtney- Paco! Are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot lately
Paco- Yeah, I'm fine. We have to go *points to direction* that way! But it's a long road..let's take a bus!

*On bus*
Paco- So uh...thanks for helping me escape jail.
Courtney- Oh come on, you can't do this yourself...
*Silence as Paco and Courtney slowly hold hands and then end up kissing. While kissing, Paco's chair breaks and he falls*
Courtney- Your chair broke!
Paco- Aw man.. Why do I break everything?!
Driver- End of the road!
*Paco and Courtney get off*
Paco- It's the end of the road...
Courtney- Ugh, it feels like a Bath and Body Works!
Paco- The theif has to be here somewhere...
*Demon mouse in mouse form sneaks up on them*
Mochi- Look out!
*Mochi and Moca attack, mouse defeats and throws out*
Courtney- No! Mochi!
Paco- Moca!
*They surround the mouse, about to fight*
{Freeze!}
*Terry draws on mouse mask to make it look angry, Sean adds wings. Mouse stands up*
Sean- Transform!
Paco- What is this Transformers? Who do you think you are: Optimus Prime?
*They fight, Courtney is knocked away*
Paco- Courtney! YAHH!
*Paco charges DBZ style*
{Freeze!}
*Sean and Terry spike up hair*
*Paco defeats mouse via B-slap and runs to Courtney*
Paco- Courtney! Courtney! No! I love you!!!
Courtney- Paco? *Stands up*
Paco- *Kneeling towards Courtney* I have to ask you something. Will you go to the dance with me, and inform Brett of Indian culture?
Courtney- I'd love to!

*B5 dances, Anthony, Chris Chin, and Jon Hale make their elephant, at end, B5 does horsestance*