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From Wuw Archive

BECAUSE OF PRISSY FANBOYS I WILL NOT BE REVIEWING THIS EVEN THOUGH I LIKE SOME OF THESE GAEMS

Games I will be reviewing and criticizing:

• Half-Life series
• Team Fortress series
• Counter-Strike
• Day of Defeat
• Left 4 Dead
• Garry's Mod

Half-Life

Half-Life

Half-Life 2

Half-Life 2 Episodes

When word got around for "Half-Life 2: Aftermath", the community was hyping up for an expansion pack to their beloved sequel to one of the best games I personally have ever played.

Then the name got changed and it became THREE PARTS. This hyped up the community EVEN MORE.

When Episode One came out, they employed their high definition rendering, which made the dark, grim world of Half-Life BEAUTIFUL. HIGH QUALITY LEFT AND RIGHT.

The one thing that made Episode One awesome was not one, but TWO Citadel destructions. (The other one, where it BLOWS INTO SMITHEREENS AND GOES EVERYWHERE)

Episode Two introduced two enemies: The Hunter, one of the more awesome enemies of Half-Life 2, and the Advisor, which killed Eli Vance (Spoil it now and not later) ELI DIES ELI DIES

It introduced a snobby prick-like character called Magnusson.

Episode Two was anti climatic because Valve said one of the main character would die which lead up to be not Alyx but ELI VANCE HER FATHER ELI DIES ELI DIES

i'm being a prick by spoiling ep2

tl;dr

ELI DIES(4.5)/10

Portal

Ah, Portal. Probably one of my favourite games, with GLaDOS, the robotic AI with dark, dark humour. This was good, until the next few weeks I would only hear this.

• THE CAKE IS A LIE
• THE CAKE IS A LIE
• THE CAKE IS A LIE
• THE CAKE IS A LIE
• THE CAKE IS A LIE
• THE CAKE IS A LIE

We get it, the cake is a lie. We BLOODY GET IT. It became a meme of its own right, like GENTLEMEN for Team Fortress 2 and PILLS HERE for Left 4 Dead. When everyone uses a meme, it generally loses the humour in it altogether. I enjoyed Portal for the gameplay, and so did a lot of people, it's just that minority that became a majority of its own right that totally destroyed what was left in this game. Ugh.

And then the horror that was:

• <3 COMPANION CUBE

No more of this horror. No... more.

5/10

Team Fortress

Team Fortress Classic

Team Fortress Classic. A game that was originally developed by a few people who modded Quake. Valve took interest and decided to remake it on their GoldSrc engine.

While the game may have been fun 11 years ago, grenade spam and jumping fat men isn't as "fun" as it used to be. A class can have spammed 3 grenades after death and will get ~2 kills. The fact that the sniper can launch players with their sniper rifle and how they can't walk through each other is another problem. The game may be called "Team Fortress", but there's certainly no "Team" in this "Fortress".

4/10

Team Fortress 2

The good thing about this game was that Valve attempted "Team"work in this game with the Medic's medigun, which employs sticking together due to the medigun's range and the addition of a 10 second invulnerability charge. They also removed grenades, which was another big plus. However, on the 29th of April, 2008... Team Fortress took a turn for the worst.

Class updates.

Now, back when this came out (the Class update, not the game) everyone was excited because they knew all classes would get updated eventually. However, they did not know which classes would get the upgrade.

For a while, the Medic was the most played class, then, it just got worse.

The Pyro update.

Now, the Medic is a Support class, and is Assistbait. But the Pyro is an Offense class, and if you get ~20/24 people playing the same offense class, you've got a problem already. GRINDING IN PUBLIC SERVERS.

Now, on December 10th, 2008, Valve released...

LEVEL. 3. BUILDINGS.

This was BAD, because this encouraged turtling. I mean, why run to a medic when a level 3 dispenser can heal you at almost the same rate? Why run to resupplyc when a level 3 dispenser can dispense 60 metal every second, depending on the metal-meter.

And then the Spy buff. I cannot really argue with this, in fact, I love Valve for adding at least one good thing to the game.

The game is full of wannabe DJs (HLSS/HLDJ), exploiters (Heavy civilian, map glitches) and griefers (blocking snipers, etc). The game is at its worse and will only keep on going downhill at the rate updates and patches go.

Yet I play it all the time, and I HATE IT.

2/10

OH WAIT I FORGOT CRITICALS

On beta, Valve had "criticals", which, at that time, was a 5% chance for a hit that did 3 times the damage. And with the Kritzkrieg, it made it 100% for 10 seconds. And if the server runs a plug in with 100% crits, I guess it doesn't matter.

If you like crits, you'll hate the Heavy, the Soldier, the Demoman and the Scout.

THE AMAZING THING ABOUT THE SCATTERGUN IS THE DAMAGE RANDOMIZES, SO THE CRIT COULD BE AN INSTANT KILL OR JUST A WEAK OLD FARTSY PREMATURE FIRE.

1.5/10

Other non-series'd Valve games

Counter-Strike

No.

0/10

Day of Defeat

Left 4 Dead

Garry's Mod

OVERALL SCORE

#/10