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Summary

TheDenzel interviews Chwoka

Transcript

THEDENZEL: Hello again, everyone, this is TheDenzel's Interview Show, and I am TheDenzel. Tonight was have Chwoka with us. How are you today, good sir?

CHWOKA: Blood-lettingly good.

THEDENZEL: I'm sorry.. what?

CHWOKA: Nicely.

THEDENZEL: Okay then. So before we jump into everything, I gotta ask, what's up with your username? Where did you get it from?

CHWOKA: What I tell everybody is that I threw something at the keyboard, because the truth is outright embarrassing.

THEDENZEL: Oh c'mon, what's the truth?

CHWOKA: No. Ask me about something else.

THEDENZEL: Well you can't just bring it up and expect me not to press you for it! Talk, man, TALK!

CHWOKA: {panicked} EIGHTY-TWO!

THEDENZEL: {leans in} What about Eighty Two?

CHWOKA: I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ANY MORE!

THEDENZEL: Alright, we'll move on... for now. What's new with you?

CHWOKA: Well, I've got at least four concurrent projects.

THEDENZEL: And they are?

CHWOKA: LAWYERS!!!, LukeMail, MFT3k, and my interview on TheDenzel's Interview Show.

THEDENZEL: Which one is your favorite?

CHWOKA: For working on, LAWYERS!!! For quality of work produced, MFT3K.

THEDENZEL: And what exactly is MFT3K?

CHWOKA: Probably my most revered work, me and a couple of friends copy bad works off the WUW, and, when available, HRFWiki, and then proceed to write witticisms and criticisms about the work embedded within the work itself, in reaction to a specific point in the work. It's a lot better than I make it sound. Really.

THEDENZEL: It's a parody, isn't it?

CHWOKA: No, it is not a parody.

THEDENZEL: Okay then. Now what is this LukeMail you were talking about?

CHWOKA: Well, I seem to be really good at writing comic foils in absurd situations. Even in my prose, when there often is no foil character, the narrator will serve this role. Script, however, provides an opportune opportunity to remove myself from straight men entirely, which I have not been using. With LukeMail, the premise is that Luke, the former main character, was straighter than any character I'd ever written before. However, he moved away at the end of Season 1.

We never get to see Season 1.

Instead, his two antagonists, Jake and Charlie, have taken over his eMail show. With probably hilarious consequences.

THEDENZEL: So, there is no Luke in LukeMail?

CHWOKA: Yes.

THEDENZEL: Yes there is?

CHWOKA: No.

THEDENZEL: No, there's not?

CHWOKA: Yes.

THEDENZEL: Well, I'm confused. What's new in the world of LukeMail?

CHWOKA: Our first email. To tell you the truth, I kind of dread doing the second one. I don't have a grip on the characters yet.

THEDENZEL: Well, what are the characters like?

CHWOKA: Take away comic foils, and what other character archetypes are there left?

THEDENZEL: Well there's gotta be some sort of personality, or the show could never get anywhere....

CHWOKA: They're both goofballs! Duh!

THEDENZEL: Can we maybe get a taste of the duo now?

CHWOKA: Yes.

{Chwoka takes two Ziploc bags out of his pocket, one labelled "Jake" and the other "Charlie", each containing a fine powder, and hands them to TheDenzel}

THEDENZEL: {pours both into a bottle of water, shakes it, and drinks} Mmm nice. Now, can we meet them, perhaps?

CHWOKA: No, you dunce, they're fictional. What I just gave you was flour.

THEDENZEL: Well, let's just open up my FICTION PORTAL! {da da da daaaah} It can bring any fictional character to life! What'dya say we try it out?

CHWOKA: T-that's profoundly disturbing.

THEDENZEL: Don't worry about it, just type in your characters names on this keyboard. {hands Chwoka a keyboard}

{Chwoka types "Stan" into the keyboard. Stan pops out of a portal.}

STAN: Oh thank god! I'm finally out of my house!

CHWOKA: Whoops! Looks like this device doesn't work yet! Ahahaha, I guess we can't use it.

STAN: What are you talking abou

{Chwoka shoves Stan back into the portal, which closes.}

THEDENZEL: What, do they never leave the house?

CHWOKA: No, that just wasn't my character. It's obvious this thing is broken. Here, let me hand it over to you...

{Chwoka nonchalantly breaks it in two over the desk and then hands it to TheDenzel.}

THEDENZEL: No, clearly the transcript says you typed "Stan." And this is just your average usb keyboard, we can get another one....

CHWOKA: What transcript?

THEDENZEL: Also the display above the portal still clearly reads "Stan" which would only have happened if you typed in "Stan"... soooo.....

CHWOKA: I told you, it's broken!

THEDENZEL: Alright then, what else is going on?

CHWOKA: LAWYERS!!!

THEDENZEL: AH! Keep it down man. You'll wake the children. Now, I know what that is, but why waste a perfectly good time to plug your fanstuff?

CHWOKA: I was looking at Objection! nostalgically, and I made a blatant rip-off of it. But nobody called me on it, because I'm actually trusted to make something just as good, if not better, than the original. Anyway, I called it a "revival" and it ALMOST has enough traffic to keep it alive. Almost. We need literally one more dedicated player.

THEDENZEL: Well that's an excellent plug. Is there anything new that was can expect from you soon?

CHWOKA: Well, I have a top-secret post-purge project. Oh, and I'm leaving until early July at probably 6:00 PM tomorrow for my annual visit to Grandma's.

THEDENZEL: Well do tell Grandma, I said hello. Is there anything you CAN tell us about this "top secret" post-purge project?

CHWOKA: It starts with a "N", it's ambitious, it's a Fake Character Email show. I would say it's revolutionary, but that remains to be seen. {laughs}

THEDENZEL: Alright then, thanks for being on the show today! We're just about outta time, here. Is there anything you'd like to say before we go?

CHWOKA: {same tone as rest of interview} I will cut you! I will cut you up BAD.

{Chwoka waves goodbye to the camera, smiling.}

THEDENZEL: Well thanks for stopping by, Chwoka. {shakes his hand, adresses audience} and thanks for watching!

{applause}

{fade out}

{end}