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From Wuw Archive

James Buchanan was once the most feared person in the world. Then he died or something. After getting resurrected and failing to conquer the entire planet, he had a change of heart and move to the quiet little town of Herdygerdy, MA. He now checks emails with his friends and occasionally his enemies.

EMAILS

1. supercar
2. food
3. french
4. ghost
5. gay

INBOX

Mr. Buchanan!

If you were to construct a sort of travelling 
device, what would it be?

- Spectral Willam H. Taft

Dear BGJB
What is your favourite United States of American home made dish?
Is it pastry, cake, or otherwise?
The Artist Formerly Known As El Humoroso

Oh Bonjour Monsoir Buchanan!
What do you think of france and cake?

- Phantom Marie Antoinette. 

Dearest Mr. Buchanan,
What has been your most daft
experience as a ghost?
Regards,
Bigfoot The Cheese

Dear James Buchanan 
are you gay
if you are then come see me ;)
love nachoman

Dear Mr. Buchanan,
12

DEER GEMS BUCK-HAYNAN,
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
-Grue

DEAR BATEMAN

I HAVE A RIDDLER FOR YOU

CHARACTERS

Bizarro Ghost James Buchanan, or James, is a nice formerly-evil mastermind. He likes to check email and is the straight-man for his group. He's level-headed, but oh boy, he can still be pretty wacky!

Bizarro Ghost John C. Breckinridge, or John, is his old Vice President. He's crazy and obsessed with money. He wants to make money and always had a good scheme that James just always gets involved in.

Immortal Stephen A. Douglas, or Stephen, is a bit of a jerk. He doesn't like James, and frequently calls him a doughface. Stephen is jealous of his success, however, and wants him dead again. He'll do anything to get James dead again, and we mean anything.

The Disembodied Head of John C. Frémont, or Fremont, was the guy James ran against in his election. He was so mad after losing he cut his head off. The evil powers that be saw promise in him, and placed his head in a jar. He now is Stephen's sidekick, and is the most Liberal person you'll ever meet.

Cursed Franklin Pierce, or Franklin, is James's next door neighbor. He knows what it's like to be considered one of the worst presidents and be called a doughface, and he sympathizes with James. He's a timid alcoholic. Poor Franklin.

Re-animated William R. King, or William, is Franklin's housemate. He's the shortest serving Vice President and mostly keeps to himself quietly. He may or may not be feeding Franklin's alcoholism in some evil plot.

Zombie Abraham Lincoln, or Abe, is James's other neighbor. He's widely considered one of the best U.S. Presidents, and is always a noble, helpful person. James hates him for resolving all the problems of his presidency, but the two remain friends.

Mummified Hannibal Hamlin, or Hannibal, is Abe's housemate, or actually, basement-mate, since Abe won't let him leave the basement. He's a serial killing pyscho that has a mute lamb for a pet named Victor. He also might have an ancient mummy curse, so watch out, America.

Vampire Andrew Johnson, or Andrew, is Abe's real housemate. He is quiet and doesn't talk much, but whenever he does, it's something so incredibly stupid that if he were President, he would be impeached. He's always reconstructing castles with lego blocks, but gets bored a quarter through and goes off to do other things.

Wolfman John Wilkes Booth, or Booth, is Abe's assassin. He's a flamboyant and dramatic actor type, and pretends that the assassination never happened. He and Joshua are always trying to get into James's group of friends, but he's never allowed in and always stomps off to Starbucks.

Swamp Monster Emperor Joshua A. Norton, or Joshua, was the self-proclaimed Emperor of America while Abe was President. He's crazy and is always talking about San Francisco. He and Booth hang out and frequently try to join James's group of friends, but always fail. Instead of going off to Starbucks, Joshua gathers his military (a deck of cards) and tries to storm James's house.

Other guys you might see:

• Radioactive George Washington
• Robotic FDR
• Squid Thomas Jefferson
• Frankenstein Teddy Roosevelt
• Harry S Truman, Monster Hunter
• Reptilian Dwight D. Eisenhower
• Tear-Monster Andrew Jackson
• Golem Woodrow Wilson
• James Madison with Wings
• Catholic JFK (thanks Mu)
• Werewolf Overlord Richard Nixon
• Housecat James A. Garfield
• Sickly William Henry Harrison
• Warren G. Harding
• Lumberjack Chester A. Arthur
• Puppet Grover Cleveland
• Clone Grover Cleveland
• Vacuum Salesman Herbert Hoover
• Car Salesman Gerald Ford
• Slick Billy Clinton
• George W. Bush, Fifth Mage of the Order of Merlin