Kellihate
From Wall Of Losers
Kellihate is a philosophic school of thought that argues the immorality of friendly bonds with Kelli. The philosophy includes the practice of discipline, also called "Kellihate", which includes the simultaneous activity of insulting and complimenting. As a philosophy, Kellihate can be followed throughout a lifetime for the committed, however, the discipline of Kellihate is only practiced once for a predetermined amount of time, not unlike a vow of silence.
Contents |
[edit] History
Though the term "Kellihate" was not introduced until 2007, the thought has been around since the group's junior year of high school ('04-'05). Discussions leading to Kellihate originated in Pingpank's art classroom where Holly and Kelli had a ceramics class together. It may be lost to time what caused the original hate, as only the idea and stipulations were recorded for posterity, though it is believed to have been horrible pun related.
[edit] The Manuscript
It is written in Holly's assignment book:
"Holly will hate Kelli for ten years!!"
Holly's signature appears below the short and cryptic text.
[edit] The Fine Print
In very fine print (you have to use a magnifying glass or else you'll miss it), is the Kellilove clause. The Kellilove clause states that all participants of Kellihate (the hate and the hated) actually have very strong bonds of friendship, and despite the conflicting title, Kellihatists really have love for one another. This generally only comes out in times of emergencies i.e. Kellihate suspensions. The majority of Kellihate suspensions that have have occurred have been in times of Kelli distress, but if a Kellihatist has a time of need, Kelli drops the faux-hate, because she loves each and every self-declared Kellihater.
[edit] Criticism
In popular group culture, it is believed that Kellihate will cease to be practiced at the group's ten year high school reunion. This doesn't exactly match up with the official documents because they were written about a year and a half before graduation. Under the current school of thought, Kelli will be persecuted for a year and half longer than was designated in the contract. When asked to comment about this discrepancy, Kellihatists have responded, "Tough noogies."
[edit] Kellihate Suspension
Under extreme circumstances of need, Kellihatists are allowed to suspend Kellihate indefinitely. There have only been three known occurrences of Kellihate suspension. The first lasted one day on May 21, 2007. Another, also lasting just one day, occurred on June 15, 2007. And the third was August 12, 2007 and lasted for almost two weeks.
[edit] Kellihate Officer Positions
Due to his strict adherence to the laws of Kellihate, Matt has nominated, and subsequently elected, himself President of Kellihate. Although, since the original thought came from Holly, she has been nominated Kellihate Goddess. Which, if you think about it, makes absolutely no sense.
Melissa is also well-practiced in the discipline of Kellihate, and should be considered for VP at the least.
Kelli nominates herself and Jenn for the position of Kelli-hate-hateists.
- There is currently no such position. The ladies are encouraged however to run for the offices of Secretary, Treasurer, or Public Relations Chair.
[edit] Slogans
There are four slogans that uniformly represent The Kellihate Party:
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
Kellihate is Love
