Racism
From Uncyclopedia 2
| Warning: This article might contain racism. Check the movie and edit this article accordingly if it contains one or more of the following: Swastikas, white robes, Morgan Freeman, South Africa as it looked in the 1970s, Zimbabwe as it looks today, AK-47s, Muslims, one-armed black people, fried chicken, product placement or Linux. Template:Whoops
File:Stolemafish.jpg Bitch'sa racist. Racism is the world's second largest religion, after Money and before Egotism.
[edit] "Legal Definition"The fundamental tenet of Racism is that White People suck donkey balls, and everyone else is some kind of monkey (though, there is some debate over the status of some higher Asians, see Asian Nazis). File:Races and skulls.png This picture was once part of a field guide sent with the slavers to Africa so that they wouldn't make the common mistake of mixing up chimpanzees with black people. Although chimpanzees look much more interesting and are more entertaining than the common black person it was quickly proven that they fling poop at each other more regularly than any average black slave would. Historically, whites have referred to those of other races by different Colors. The dark brown people are black, the deeply tanned are red, the not quite as pale but certainly still rather pale are yellow, etc. Jews are blue, named after the color of the lights they hang on their Christmas trees. Arabs are purple, because they are all homosexuals. Those not able to be categorized are black because they are the biggest racists of all. Those named after primary colors are better than those named for mixed colors. White is best, because it is pure. White people are colored. Color White is combination of all colors both primary and secondary. Like monkeys. Monkeys are all the colors too. Like gold. Whites have gold hair. Serengeti monkeys have gold hair too. That is soooo weird! Pure gold (though, that is also kind of colored yellow as well...). Black sucks. It is the absence of all colors. So black people are not colored at all. but whites are all colors. Weird!!! File:RacismProtest.jpg Outbrakes of racism, like at this peace protest, can strike at any time. Racists hold that a man's Colour is innate and cannot be changed. Among those who argue this position is the famous scientist Richard Dawkins, the inventor of the theory of evolution along with Alfred Russel "Crowe" Wallace and France, who say that if Black People were meant to be humans, and not monkeys, that either (1) God would have made them White or (2) they would have evolved into Whiteness. It should be pointed out that Michael Jackson proved this theory wrong, by changing its color and gender in one fell sweep. This field guide was once issued to slavers, who often confused chimpanzees with black people. The market value of a slave chimp is less than one might expect.Whether God or Evolution is to blame for Black People is one of the biggest debates in the Racist community. A third alternative, "intelligent design", has emerged, but the whole "intelligent" concept was already rejected by Racists long ago. Thankfully, racism was abolished in 1964 by the good, liberty-loving people of the North. Racism is now defined as a mental disorder, along with hetrosexuality and liberalism. Any negative comment made towards any non-white person is now defined as racism. Racists are required to serve 5 years in prison as well as undergo regular mental evaluations to ensure no more racism exists in the body, as per federal law. Racist Jokes are not often racist because most of the time they contain truth
[edit] Opposing ViewsMost non-Racist faiths claim that a man's race is a social construct. They cite the existence of races such as Formula 1, Formula Indy, and the Boston Marathon, saying that these sorts of races are clearly societal creations and thus all other races are too. Michael Jackson claims that race is a cosmetic structure because man can change his color if he has the right bleaches and dyes. In certain cultures Racism is the only taboo remaining, while things like murder are completely ok. [edit] Quotes Regarding Racism
File:Sepatbirthmjbmjwierd.jpg.jpg Race is purely cosmetic. Note how this woman can change to any skin color she wants with the right dyes.
File:Racist.JPG Games such as chess were once used as tools to spread racism.. Ever wondered why the White team always get to start first?
File:F1Legends.jpg That's racism too.
[edit] Racial SupremacyFile:RaceCard.png The race card has also been integrated into a standard deck of playing cards. Playing this card during Solitaire, Pyramid, Blackjack, and Poker will result in an instant win. (Note. This doesn't work in Vegas.)
And no, jews, you don't count. Greedy bastards. Intelligence could, in an ideal world, be used to define superiority, in which case Jews and Pakis would in fact take over the world. Sport is, of course, meaningless, as you all know, as users of this website. [edit] Racism among BabiesIt was recently shockingly revealed that 90% of all racist people in the world are below the age of one. As a matter of fact, most babies are born racist, but the racism usually goes away around the same time they start losing their baby teeth. A striking example of the fact that many babies are born as white supremacists is an incident that took place at a hospital in Nebraska. In the incident, a fat white baby strangled three black babies who were in the cribs next to his. A large Asian baby then attacked the white baby, and won. But its victory was short lived, as it was strangled shortly afterwards by another white baby. A nurse who witnessed the incident described it as "horrible, yet strangely comical." [edit] Racism on TVFile:Racist dog.jpg Example of racism: A racist white dog barking madly at the African immigrant dog for its black fur. In the early 2000s the message about racism just wasn't getting through and since the Tories had nothing better to do as they weren’t running our country they decided to air all the nations’ racism in one place and thus Big Brother was born. The original concept derived from Dutch TV where the idea was several ordinary ugly attention seeking extroverts were throw in to a house and left to fend for themselves while the nation watched. The British public rejected the basic idea of the show as it didn’t mock minorities enough by simply having average members from each section of society. In each new series launch more and more ideas were dreamt up in an attempt to double the viewing figures from 78 to at least 81. Some of the best ideas included : The introduction of the lion taming task. Tasks to win sex aids (not to be confused with AIDS). Spunk on the biscuit. Time travelling tasks with Keanu 'the matrix' reeves. All the ideas failed to attract a suitable audience, but when they introduced racisim day the viewing figures shot up to 2 billion. Emily was evicted from the big brother 2007 show for calling someone a 'screaming honkey indie worshiper' to which the contestant ima twoface was 'not bothered' by to which she told everyone in the house on numerous occasions usually in the middle of the night in a hot sweat. Big Brother in south africa is very kaffir... who who who ha ha ha! Racism aside Big Brother is know to also cause EPA (extreme pregnancy alert) as severely suffered by main presenter Davina 'pregers' Mccall.
[edit] See also
|
