The Uncyclopedia Movie
From Uncyclopedia 2
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| Writers | Oscar Wilde | |||
| Starring |
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| Producer | Oscar Wilde | |||
| Director | Steven Spielberg (credited as Alan Smithee) | |||
| Runtime | Three (3) minutes | |||
| Language | English, AAAAAAAAA! | |||
| Distributed by | Uncyclomedia Films | |||
| IMDb rating |  
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"The Uncyclopedia Movie" has become one of the most notorious and infamous unfinished films of all time. The project, fronted by none other than Oscar Wilde and starting in early 2005, was massively over-budgeted and had directly caused the deaths of several famous Hollywood actors and countless other cast and crew by 2005. It was originally supposed to be a sequel for the almost as notorious film "U for Uncyclopedia" (which earned a rate of 1.1 in contrast to "The Uncyclopedia Movie", which was given a disgracing 1.0 by Internet Movie Database and other significant film sites), but ended up being disowned by everyone involved in it. Despite being heavily hyped as being the first time Oscar Wilde had written anything since his 1898 poem The Ballad of Reading Gaol, The Uncyclopedia Movie had to be scrapped ytdOctober 2005, the officially stated reasons being: Template:Cquote
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[edit] Background
Oscar Wilde, popular playwright, poet, and indisputably the greatest Irish writer of all time<ref>Sorry, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and J.R.R. Tolkien.</ref>, was running short of ideas by the late 1800's-to-early 1900's. Self-proclaimed "trivial comedies for serious people" such as the The Importance of Being Earnest were done ideas, as were nihilistic commentaries on the morality and usefulness of art such as The Picture of Dorian Gray. What Oscar needed was something fresh; he set out to write what the people wanted. Having no idea of what the people did indeed want, Oscar set up the Uncyclopedia in early 2005, a wiki designed to be written by the people, for the people. Oscar would take the end result of the wiki and turn it into a book. The wiki soon caved in to vandals, but was nonetheless extremely successful, and was spun off into a news source, a dictionary, a site entirely devoted to the worship of Oscar Wilde<ref>Young boys only.</ref>, a crappy Media site, an online library of all the best books, guidelines for Making up Oscar Wilde quotes<ref>For some reason Oscar likes to be misquoted. Don't Ask.</ref>, a TV studio, a TV show, a TV channel, a TV manufacturing company<ref>Uncyctoshiramamax. Sounds Japanese, huh?</ref>, a rock band<ref>Well, actually two. Un Day (Yeah. Right. Rock.), and Un Unch Unnails.</ref>, a recording studio<ref>Unbbey Road. Sounds British, huh?</ref>, and, of course, video games.
[edit] Decline in interest
However, interest in Uncyclopedia and its various spin-offs rapidly declined within the first quarter of 2005. Desperate for attention, Oscar quickly devised the UnBook Club. Things suddenly seemed as though they were turning around again, but then two things happened: first, James Frey penned a book entitled A Million Little Edits allegedly about his numerous<ref>One Million, to be exact. Or, rather, "a" million.</ref> gnome edits on Uncyclopedia. These alleged edits turned out to be a complete falsehood, as James Frey actually was only a member of Wikipedia<ref>A parody of Uncyclopedia spun off of a Saturday Night Live skit that made fun of Uncyclopedia for a quick cash grab by SNL "comedian" Jimbo Wales.</ref> and had only done a measly one hundred<ref>Or "a" hundred.</ref> edits. Second, Oscar Wilde got drunk and had extreme diarrhea of the mouth and threatened to kill everyone stupid enough to buy the current book club book, The Heart of a Woman<ref>Sorry, Maya Angelou.</ref>. Uncyclopedia Enterprises has since apologized for James Frey's fictitious lies countless times over, but oddly enough not for Oscar Wilde, even though the Oscar Wilde event was more their fault than the book one. Ah well. That's the industry for you.
Oscar eventually got the idea to revive his multinational corporation by finally adapting it in to an increasingly crappy movie series, complete with sequels, prequels, and over-priced special edition DVDs. However, only one film was to be created in the end. Oscar quickly wrote up a screenplay, hired Steven Spielberg to direct, and he was on his way. The project was started by Uncyclopedia Studios under the working title The Cat in the Hat 2<ref>To keep die-hard Uncyclopedia fanboys away. Curse those scrutinous little fanboys!</ref>. Little did he realize the dreadful consequences of his plans...
[edit] Production
Production was where trouble began for Oscar's little "Unmovie". First, for a fight scene between Chuck Norris and a Grue, Chuck Norris used his considerable abilities to tame and cage a grue from the wild. However, before shooting the fight scene Chuck Norris went out to lunch. The Grue escaped and immediately killed David Spade, who was portraying Encyclopædia Dramatica at the time (because both are unfunny), as well as the crew. Chuck Norris returned and immediately killed the Grue. Domokun also sued Uncyclopedia Studios for using his image on their posters without his permission, though the studios insisted that in reality it was really a Grue. Domokun gave them a funny look and walked away (but not before claiming his $30,000). David Spade was replaced by the equally retarded Rob Schneider, and the grue was replaced by an animatronic grue operated by Frank Oz.
[edit] More Problems
The next disaster took place during a fight scene between Oscar Wilde (played here by Gene Wilder because of subtle similarities in appearance and name) and a Cabbage. Of course, there certainly wasn't intended to be a real cabbage, as doing so would be suicide. Not even Chuck Norris can beat a cabbage. And yet SOMEHOW, someone actually ORDERED A REAL, LIVE CABBAGE. When the cabbage arrived, it killed all of the replacement crew, Ben Stein<ref>That teacher guy in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. You know, that guy.</ref> (playing Wikipedia because both are dull and monotonous), and Paris Hilton (not playing anyone in the movie, just confused and lost). Chuck Norris survived because he happened to be out to lunch again. The studio had to be nuked. This, of course, did not kill the cabbage, but rather it lost interest and walked away of its own free will.
The final catastrophe was identical to the others, but with Oprah Winfrey (the REAL Oprah, not the in-movie character played by Whoopi Goldberg - the true Oprah suddenly showed up seemingly out of nowhere to antagonize the project crew). Oprah cannibalized the extremely unfortunate and possibly cursed crew, as well as setting fire to most of Frank Oz's muppet/puppet collection before being tranquilized and dragged back to her studio to make the next episode of her show, denouncing James Frey’s new book, A Million Little Edits and ridiculing him as a former drug addict. Tom Cruise was put on hold.
Also, in a ploy to get Trekkies to watch the film, the ten favorite characters from Star Trek were invited to make a three-scene appearance, but nine of the ten actors were accidentally killed off one-by one: Yeoman Rand mysteriously disappeared halfway through the first scene and was never seen again; Scotty, on screen, was beaten to death by Chuck Norris when he commented on Chuck's bad accent (Chuck Norris admitted he'd gotten carried away); Kirk died of a deadly STD when he romanced Oprah Winfrey; Sulu and Chekov, with Takei's bad driving and Koenig's bad navigating, accidentally steam-rolled their armored tank through and out of an entire scene, flattened the camera crew, and drove at 70 mph off a cliff; Uhura started singing a solo, and broke the eardrums of everyone within a 15-yard radius of her, who all mauled her to death as a result; McCoy, who was drunk from an overdose of Saurian Brandy, which he'd been injecting into himself with his hypospray, couldn't get out of the way in time and was gored by a knight on horseback; and, since Spock was a Vulcan, it took a thunderstorm, a gassing chamber, a squadron of F-16s, a reporter with a Channel Five news pistol, and a nuclear fallout to drag him down. And, Chapel committed suicide from grief at losing Spock, which left Lieutenant Leslie as the only actor to survive the filming. He is currently living in Santa Ana, California.
Other than that, the filming was relatively less disastrous and considerably less repetitive. Unfortunately, during the editing phase (the movie anyone can edit!), Steven Spielberg and Oscar Wilde got into creative disputes and Oscar used his administrator powers and protected the footage, leaving Steven in frustration. Steven later snuck into the studio at night and destroyed most of the film from the epic four and a half hour film. Oscar then fired him, and blocked his IP address. Not having enough footage left to properly release the film into theatres, Oscar was forced to send the film straight to home video. Steven Spielberg ended up disowning the entire project, listing himself under the pseudonym of Alan Smithee to avoid any association with "this God awful movie", as he so bluntly put it.
[edit] Uncut DVD Edition
Hey! Wait a second!
That's not Sophia at all!
We're boycotting this.
~o~
The Uncut<ref>The "Un" part of Uncut must always be bold and italicized, so as to show a connection between Uncyclopedia and Uncut. Charming gimmick, eh?</ref> Edition was released in early 2006. Its official tagline was "The one you didn't see in theatres!", mainly because it never saw a theatrical release. Also, at that time Uncyclopedia was so run down and bankrupt that it could not afford for the film to be rated by the M.P.A. of A. Oscar Wilde personally funded the large marketing campaign, mainly consisting of late night Comedy Central commercials lasting 15 seconds. The film itself was a mere 3 minutes, as there was only 5 minutes worth of workable footage in the end. Special Features included a translation to AAAAAAAAA!
[edit] Plot
As is the website, the script was allowed to be edited by preteens. Thus, you obviously know it's Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, grues and Vin Diesel. In the end, the movie's plot was an exact duplicate of The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, only with all of the Asians replaced by grues.
[edit] Excerpt from movie
Here follows the epic action scene that begins at 1:32:04 (near the ending). Notice the brilliant acting, the realistic choreography, the spectacular special effects and CGI as well as the witty one-liners (not including the groans and moans; these are classified as onomatopoeia), all delivered in a neat package by Uncyclomedia Films. The fight is a dual effort between Sophia (with a broken arm) and Jimbo Wales (played by Tom Cruise) to end the menace of the notorious Wiki vandal Mr. Treason, having taken the name "Mr. Stingray" in order to (unsuccessfully) conceal his true identity and then launched a massive page blanking campaign against both Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia, enlisting hundreds of Wiki vandals from all around the world for his sinister schemes to abolish free editing across every Wiki-site on the Internet, leaving the entire Internet at his mercy. Not recommended for children under 13 years (or anyone else for that matter).
<youtube width="640" height="480">T_tiBGOEoVM</youtube>
[edit] Reaction
Reception to the Uncut DVD, the first time anyone had seen the movie, was poor. Many die-hard Oscar Wilde fans were disappointed that Oscar had "sold out" and was now making screenplays rather than... um... playplays. Whatever, scripts for plays. The acting in particular was lambasted, though many felt that the wooden dialogue prevented the actors from acting to their full potential. Roger Ebert noted that "The dialogue for Oscar Wilde's character was written as though by someone who knew absolutely nothing about Oscar Wilde". Many claimed that the cover artwork was "un-artistic, sloppy, and a piece of crap". Oscar later admitted to having whipped the image up one night on GIMP. Despite the poor reviews, the general public stayed away from watching it. Ultimately, the movie bombed like that crappy Mariah Carey movie.
Though the movie did not make a profit, it did garner just enough money so that Uncyclopedia did not completely go out of business. Some believe that Oscar Wilde asked for private funds from the Uncyclopedia Cabal, but then those people realized that there is no cabal. However, Uncyclopedia did have to cut back on most of its more superfluous sista projects, leaving only the 7 you see today (plus crazy foreign versions with like, 14 articles total).
While "U for Uncyclopedia" received a rating of 1.1, and thus being labeled as having "an infinitesimal fraction of a permille of redeeming value", unanimous critics all over the world has united in declaring "The Uncyclopedia Movie" the worst film in existence and a disgrace to mankind, stating that "Uncyclopedia is the worst".
Uncyclopedia was nearly sued by an organization called "Oscar Wilde Society", which claimed that the website Uncyclopedia was "shamelessly misusing the name of an acclaimed writer and poet who has been dead for over a century for their own sick and demented purposes, even going as far as to claim that Oscar Wilde had directed their ridiculous nonsense film himself". However, the Oscar Wilde Society was itself countersued by Uncyclopedia on the premise that they had been "shamelessly misusing the name of an acclaimed writer and poet who has been dead for over a century for their own sick and demented purposes, even going as far as to claim that Oscar Wilde had designed their ridiculous nonsense website himself". The case ended up in a draw in the Supreme Court, since the Oscar Wilde Society clearly had Oscar Wilde's name in it, which Uncyclopedia did not. However, the court processing took a heavy toll in the nearly nonexistent budget of the film, which (partially) contributed to the near cancellation of the project.
[edit] Awards
"The Uncyclopedia Movie" has been earned several awards; rather unsurprisingly, all of those has been Golden Raspberry Awards, which is the evil twin of the Oscar Awards. It became the first film ever to "win" every single Golden Raspberry Award in one year, including a whole lot of custom awards made up specifically for the occasion when the jury felt they were running out of (negative) superlatives to describe the film. Here follows the full list of all the various Awards the film earned last year.
[edit] Awards earned by film
- Worst Picture Award 2006
- Worst Remake or Rip-off 2006
- Worst Prequel or Sequel 2006
- Worst Action Scene 2006
- Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment 2006
- Worst Special Effects 2006
- Worst Soundtrack 2006 (Uncyclopedia - What Up Ma Bitch Ho)
- Worst Film Ending 2006
- Worst Promotion 2006
- Worst Trailer 2006
- Worst Film Cover 2006
- Worst Intro Scene 2006
- Worst Film Climax 2006
- Worst Editing 2006
- Worst Love Scene 2006
- Best Worst Movie Of All Time
[edit] Awards earned by actor or director
- Worst Actor Award 2006: Rob Schneider (as Encyclopedia Dramatica)
- Worst Actress Award 2006: Sophia
- Worst Supporting Actor 2006: Uncyclopedia (as Uncyclopedia)
- Worst Supporting Actress 2006: Katie Holmes (as 4.252.99.182)
- Worst Screen Couple 2006: Sophia and Jimbo Wales
- Worst Film Quote 2006: Oscar Wilde and Captain Obvious (tied for #1)
- Worst Director 2006: Steven Spielberg
- Worst Screenplay 2006: Oscar Wilde
- Worst Narrator 2006: Captain Obvious
- Worst Anachronism 2006: Oscar Wilde (as producer)
- Worst Film-monster 2006: Grue
- Worst Villain 2006: Mr. Treason (as Mr. Stingray)
- Worst In-film Death 2006: David Spade (death by tripping on his own shoelaces and consequently being eaten by a grue)
- Worst Hero: Chuck No... *POW!*
It looks like ultimately, those internet weirdos were right: Uncyclopedia IS the worst. Oh well.
[edit] Notable quotes from the film
“go eat shit fuckers”
~ {{#ifexist:4.252.99.182|4.252.99.182|4.252.99.182}} {{#if:Fisher Price|on Fisher Price}}
“Pitch black, it is. Likely to be eaten by a grue, you are”
~ {{#ifexist:Frank Oz|Frank Oz|Frank Oz}} {{#if:his animatronic grue muppet|on his animatronic grue muppet}}
“This movie is very bad.”
~ {{#ifexist:Captain Obvious|Captain Obvious|Captain Obvious}} {{#if:The Uncyclopedia Movie|on The Uncyclopedia Movie}}
“In Soviet Russia, the obvious states YOU!!”
~ {{#ifexist:Yakov Smirnoff|Yakov Smirnoff|Yakov Smirnoff}} {{#if:Captain Obvious as narrator|on Captain Obvious as narrator}}
“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THOSE MOTHERFUCKING VANDALS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING WEBSITE!”
~ {{#ifexist:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson}} {{#if:being Benson|on being Benson}}
“I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill David Spade!”
~ {{#ifexist:Steve Ballmer|Steve Ballmer|Steve Ballmer}} {{#if:David Spade|on David Spade}}
“May I add: this movie is obviously extraordinarily bad.”
~ {{#ifexist:Captain Obvious|Captain Obvious|Captain Obvious}} {{#if:rewatching the movie|on rewatching the movie}}
“No, it's the best ever - I want to see it again!!!”
~ {{#ifexist:Captain Oblivious|Captain Oblivious|Captain Oblivious}} {{#if:the obvious|on the obvious}}
“I have nothing to declare except that this movie sucks donkey balls.”
~ {{#ifexist:Oscar Wilde|Oscar Wilde|Oscar Wilde}} {{#if:The Uncyclopedia Movie|on The Uncyclopedia Movie}}
“Where is your edit button now?!”
~ {{#ifexist:The Burger King|The Burger King|The Burger King}} {{#if:Jimbo Wales|on Jimbo Wales}}
“In Soviet Russia, movie watches YOU!!”
~ {{#ifexist:Yakov Smirnoff|Yakov Smirnoff|Yakov Smirnoff}} {{#if:watching The Uncyclopedia Movie|on watching The Uncyclopedia Movie}}
[edit] Trivia
- In about 31 minutes into the movie, one of the pages in the newspaper that Jimbo Wales (Tom Cruise) reads is blank, except for the words "This page does not exist".
- The character 4.252.99.182, played by Katie Holmes, repeats the phrase "Go eat shit fuckers" in no less than 178 occasions throughout the movie, the world record for a single phrase appearing in a movie. This phrase, though repeated 178 times, is the only spoken line that Katie Holmes has in the movie. Katie Holmes threatened to sue Steven Spielberg for casting her as such a one-dimensional character, stating that "I feel like a damn parrot saying that stupid line over and over again. And what kind of a stupid name for a character is "4.252.99.182" anyway??? What was Steven thinking?". The Supreme Court turned down the lawsuit on the premise that "Katie Holmes can't act anyway, so having her repeat the same phrase 178 times won't make much difference for her character".
- As many as 324 of the project staff, including actors, camera-men, extras, stunt men, make-up artists, writers and catering staff, was reported to have been eaten by grues while shooting the movie, making it one of the most (if not THE most) disastrous and tragedy-struck productions of all times.
[edit] Footnotes
<references />
[edit] See Also
- Uncyclopedia:In-jokes
- U for Uncyclopedia
- Uncyclopedia is the worst
- Worst 100 Movies of All Time
- Wal-Mart:The Movie -- A movie that was once intended to be The Uncyclopedia Movie, until screenwriter Stephen King discovered that Oscar Wilde was already at work on The Uncyclopedia Movie.
