Eurg

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Revision as of 02:30, 2 August 2008

What Are Eurgs, Anyway?

Eurgs are the antipode to grues. "Antipode" is a very old Latin word meaning "equally nasty little creature that is the opposite of this nasty creature". Eurgs are quite the opposite of grues in every aspect. Except for one. They want to eat you, too. You thought you could get off easy, didn't you? Too bad! Eurgs are about 42 feet high, and are bleen. There are 74 eurgs currently living in the United States.This would qualify them for "endangered species" but eurgs don't like environmentalists. At least without ketchup! Besides, it's not like you'll kill one anytime soon. Unlike grues, which should always be kept away from water and never be fed after midnight (unless they decide to feed themselves of course), eurgs needs to be kept away from air and never be fed during an odd numbered week or a leap year. Since these rules are almost impossible to be followed, you're pretty much screwed anyway...

What Do Eurgs Eat?

Eurgs eat everything which grues do not eat, with the exception to that rule being you and Kenny McCormick.

Where do Eurgs Come From?

Eurgs come from the planet Notpyrk. They developed superpowers after learning how little they resembled grues. They then decided to become monsters in their own right.

Either that or they are antimatter grues, but that would mean they couldn't eat you. Most scientists believe that Anti-Grues are the antimatter grues, and eurgs, well, the scientists never had a chance to study them very long, at least the outside of them.

How Can I Recognize an Eurg?

Frankly, you can't. By the time you are close enough to recognize an eurg, it will already have eaten you. It may possible, though, to recognize them by their esophageal lining, however, data from our recent study of this has yet to be returned. Always a stickler for accuracy, we at Uncyclopedia have sent several of our editors to be eaten by eurgs and grues, in order to record the differences in esophageal lining between the two. As stated above, however, it's been 5 years and they still haven't returned. We wonder what happened to them. As for their physical features, eurgs are bright blue, have white eyes, and strongly resemble This Guy. They can usually be found around photons, and although most eurgs are afraid of the dark, that doesn't really stop them from eating you in dark places. Sorry.

What Should I Do If I See an Eurg?

There are many possible courses of action, all of which result in you being eaten by an eurg. Here are some of the more interesting ones:

1. Run in as many opposite directions as possidle, find a grue, come back, and set the grue on the eurg. The entire universe will 'asplode, as detailed above, but at least you killed an eurg. Plus, you killed a grue.
2. Be very sincere (example: "Eat me!").
3. Start talking backwards in Aramaic. Eurgs are very Anti-Semitic, but since you are talking backwards, it'll still eat you. Eurgs, by the way, are a known cure for demonic possession.
4. Die.
5. Point and say, "Hey, look, there's a grue coming!" It will run away and hide, although it will want to take a snack on the way. You.
6. Cover yourself in mustard. Eurgs hate mustard, but as their mothers told them to never waste good food, you will be taken to the eurg lair and stuffed in the fridge for later. DO NOT by any chance cover yourself in ketchup; they will rip you apart!
7. Build up some energy and try to attack it with what ever you have. I would say that the chances of you utterly defeating the all mighty eurg are only 0.55 to 1,000,000,000,000, leaving you with a good chance of victory. Now go out there and KILL THAT EURG'!
8. Play "Weird Al" Yankovic's classic original, "Eat It". This works especially well if you're wearing a T-shirt reading "IT" in large letters on the front.
9. Use semi-extreme sarcasm, e.g. "Bite Me!"
10. Tell it you're a grue.
11. Wear rollerblades at all times and in all places. Eurgs love meals-on-wheels.
12. Get eaten by the Loch Ness monster. That significantly reduces your chance of being eaten by an eurg, although by no means nullifies it.
13. Jump into a blender. Then, you won't be eaten by the Eurg, you'll be drunk by the Eurg. It's a win-win situation: you get drunk AND you don't get eaten by an Eurg.
14. Get eaten by a grue. Then you have no chance of being eaten by an Eurg, unless the grue throws up.
15. Stare at the eurg the way a cow looks at an oncoming train.
16. Convert the eurg to vegetarianism. This only works if you're a vegetarian yourself, because vegetarian eurgs only eat vegetarians.
17. Throw a child in the way. This will add about eleven seconds to your lifespan.
    File:EurgOwn4ge.png

    In one incident of a man throwing a child in the way of an Eurg to get away, the Eurg unexpededly fired his laser and SHOOP-DA-WHOOP'D'ED the child (one of the things a Grue can't do), and then it went after the man. Fortunately, the Eurg was killed the next day by good'ol' chuck norris on one of his daily Eurg/Grue hunts. This is the only Eurg ever to have reportedly fired his laser and SHOOP-DA-WHOOP'd'ed.
18. Pretend the eurg doesn't exist. What you ignore can't hurt you, until it devours you ravenously, of course.
19. Use a Jedi Mind Trick to fool yourself into thinking that it doesn't hurt to be eaten by an Eurg (not that it'll hurt in the first place).
20. Find a wiggen and sic it on the eurg this will also asplode the universe as with a Grue.
21. Easiest technique: Become immune to Eurgs. By default, you already are, so that's lucky for you. You'll magnetically repel them.

    However, this leaves you vulnerable to Grues. And being immune to them leaves you vulnerable to Eurgs. Talk about your catch-22...

22. Sic orcs and hobbits on it. Works best on Lilliput in Little Earth.
23. Use reverse extreme sarcasm. While this may seem odd, Captain Obvious does it constantly.
24. Obtain a piece of etinoptyrk, an extremely rare crystal alloy that completely neutralizes eurgs. On the contrary, grues becomes cosmically powerful by etinoptyrk (as if you didn't see that one coming).
25. adopt a kitten, then throw it at a Eurg, the eurg will run becouse a grue will soon come to huff the kitten, then eat you

Some people, however, say that these methods are impossible, as anyone who can be eaten by Grues cannot be eaten by eurgs. This, however, is total nonsense and these are the people who program Zork so they don't die so easily.

What Happens When an Eurg and a Grue Collide?

As with matter and anti-matter, when an eurg and a grue collide with one another, they 'assplode the entire universe (much like the effect of when a Pirate Ninja is called into existence) with the brilliant force of a thousand anti-commas. Eurgs will always avoid contact with grues, so the only known method of not being eaten by an eurg is being eaten by a grue first. This is fairly easy to do. William Shakespeare wrote a play entitled Romeurg and Gruliet about an eurg boy and a grue girl who fell in love and died a horrible, painful death (their parents 'asplode'd them).

What Happens When an Eurg and an Anti-Grue Collide?

Nobody knows. Although it is a known fact that the collision of Grues and Eurgs will asplode the entire universe, as will the collision of Grues and Anti-Grues, nobody knows what happens when Eurgs and Anti-Grues collide.

• A simple formula for this is as follows:

Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory): Sin(GRU) = Eurg/Grue

 Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory):  Cos (GRU) = Anti-Grue/Grue 

 Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory):  Tan(GRU) = Eurg/Anti-Grue 

 Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory):  Sin(GRU) = ASPLODE!11!!!!1!!! 

 Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory):  Cos(GRU) = ASPLODE!1!!!!111!! 

 Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory):  Tan(GRU) = ?!??!??WTFMONKEYS?!1!! 

What happens when a Grue, an Eurg, and the Anti-Grue collide?!

Weird Al once tried to set an Eurg against an Anti-Grue. He beat it (or ate it) shortly afterwards so as not to wind up inside one of them, so the results are not known, but it is known that nine months later the Eurg gave birth to the world's first Anti-Eurg. The universe asploded, but Weird Al, being somewhat nerdy, had it on backup.

When these monsters all come in contact, it will create the Mega-Gruyurg. Apparently, Grue+Eurg=ASPLODE! But the effect of certain chemicals in the Anti-Grue's body voids it out. Yet, the power of the Grue's and Eurg's collision is too powerful, and still has the ability to at least bend things in the universe in a 20 foot radius. Most of the time, only the grues are occupying the 20 foot area. The power mixes around the universe in the area, universally morphing the three monsters together into the Mega-Gruyurg. Words can't describe what it looks like, in English. A good word to call it is HOLYFUCKIMGONNAFUCKINDIEHELPME!!!. The Mega-Gruyurg is the most powerful thing ANYWHERE . It has the divine power of getting rid of powers, shooting lightning from its mouth, and expanding its jaws, its mighty, terrifying jaws. The Only way of stopping it, is by getting rid of the Mega-Gruyurg (Throwing it somewhere into space), however, any being within a 5000 light-year radius will be eaten/stomped/destroyed/asploded. There has been only 1 being in the whole Universe that has been able to stop it: Grue Norris(the offspring of Chuck Norris and a Grue, the titanic battle will however, asplode the universe, and even other Universes).

Luckily this never happened.

Eurg Habits

It is possible to spot an Eurg by what it is doing. Most Eurgs do the following things, (normally all at the same time!)

Eurgs like to:-

• Listen to Black Metal and/or every album by Heart
• Play on Pokemon Red (if its a Saturday or Sunday) or Pokemon Blue every other day
• Masturbate
• Edit Uncyclopedia
• Edit Wikipedia (YEAH RIGHT!!!)
• Flinch
• Speak in Tongues
• Watch Family Guy
• Go out and sit on a Bench with a friend while talking about the good old days when Toast was for rich people and Eurgs could hold hands with Grues and get away with it
• Act really KVLT!
• Wash Clothes

See Also

• Grue
• Anti-Grue

External Links

Offical Site of Grue's Eurg's and Anti-Grue's Offical Site Offical site of Grues